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sadness and loss of hope

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simonea
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Feb 24, 2021 10:44 am

sadness and loss of hope

Post by simonea »

Hi

If you find yourself here, thanks for stopping by and reading this post and I'd just like to say that I am sorry for your loss. I'm here because I just needed to write something down. I've been feeling quite numb recently. I discovered a week ago that I was having an ectopic pregnancy. I have had 3 losses each year from 2019. All of my loses are different and unique but the ectopic has been the most sobering. I am 42, soon to be 43. I have no living children. I have only now started to think that there is a possibility that I may not have children. After my previous losses I felt completely broken but I still had hope. After this ectopic pregnancy I feel as though I am truly facing reality. It's devastating to even think about this but it is a reality. It doesn't mean I won't ttc in the near future and it doesn't mean I can't have children in future. It's just that a new factor has been added to the journey and it's the possibility of childlessness. This is something I only thought about in the context of me not meeting a life partner. I met my partner, we love each other and we're a great team so having children with him was something I just expected to happen. Now I have no expectation. If we are not able to have children of our own I know that we'll get through it, I know that I'd find some strength within me to carry on, I know that I'll find a new goal or focus in life. I suppose what I feel I'm tapping into now is the sadness of loss and the sobering experience of an ectopic pregnancy that causes so much pain and sorrow.

xx

Simone

Dharma91
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Mar 03, 2021 10:31 am

Re: sadness and loss of hope

Post by Dharma91 »

Hi Simone, I'm really sorry for your losses. Some things of your story have resonated in me as there are some similarities between your story and mine. I have had 2 pregnancy losses (one an ectopic), I'm almost 43 and now thinking that this might not happen. I have been a bit luckier because I have one child, but right now, the same as you, I'm beginning to think that I might need to adapt and accept that my life will be different to the one I had wanted for me. Considering how recently you have had the ectopic, it is normal you are heartbroken, things take time to heal, but with time things usually get better and we are able to think about our losses without feeling overwhelmed by sadness. None of us knows what lies ahead in the future, two of my friends got pregnant at 42 after giving up and thinking they wouldn't get pregnant ever. It might still happen, but if it doesn’t I think you have the right attitude when you say that you will get over it and find other focuss in life. Recovering from an ectopic is very hard, but it will get better. Sending you a virtual hug!

simonea
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Feb 24, 2021 10:44 am

Re: sadness and loss of hope

Post by simonea »

Thank you @Dharma91
You're words mean a lot to me. Reality is a bit pill to swallow sometimes. Acceptance can be hard to accept too. Thanks for letting me know about your friends- it does make me think that perhaps it is possible. Although, at the moment I'm still feeling sad that time is passing me by.

If things change, I promise to update you here.

simonea
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Feb 24, 2021 10:44 am

Re: sadness and loss of hope

Post by simonea »

*Your*

Dharma91
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Mar 03, 2021 10:31 am

Re: sadness and loss of hope

Post by Dharma91 »

Fingers crossed you will also be lucky! I know how hard it is to accept sometimes that life doesn't go according to plan. Whatever happens remember that things usually get better with time and that our happiness doesn't depend on a single factor. You will adapt and will be happy with or without children (we are much more resilient than we think), but who knows? You might be lucky. One of the friends that I mentioned before got pregnant after several miscarriages (I think 6!), so don't lose hope for now.

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