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Please anyone can you help, I'm so lost :(

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Ashnicko17
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat May 15, 2021 3:52 pm

Please anyone can you help, I'm so lost :(

Post by Ashnicko17 »

Hi everyone. So I am new here. Started bleed 5 days ago. Had second lots of bloods and only had an increase of 33% on my HCG levels. Was called back into hospital yesterday. The minute the sonographer asked for a second appointment we knew. 6 weeks and 3 days our baby was with a strong heartbeat. A much wanted baby after three years of trying, but it was growing in my left tube. The next few hours were a blur of consent forms, your life is at risk, you need emergency surgery and now. At nine last night I had my left tube and my baby removed :(. During the surgery they found my right tube also had some mast on it, they said I can conceive naturally but that will need investigation. Luckily in the position that my parents have offered to pay for IVF when we are ready. But for now I need to concentrate on recovery. My head is such a mess. I can't seem to take it all in. Just less than 24 hours and it's all changed. I was lucky and they let my partner and mum take it in turns to stay with me. I do have a beautiful 14 year old that I carried to term, but I am still so scared about what the future holds. Iam so sore and can't seem to get comfy without being in pain to go to sleep. Does anyone have any advice at all they can help me with? What did people decide for their babies for after? It was too much to decide yesterday, I've been told to expect a call from the beverment people within 14 days to decide and I just really don't know :( Hope you are all well and sorry for all your beautiful rainbow babies, my baby has joined them to play, I take some comfort in knowing I am not the only one, but right now I feel so lost and numb and like a failure, did I do something wrong? Was my baby just not ready to meet me, please does this get better? Thank you.

EPT Host 20
Posts: 3155
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 10:58 pm

Re: Please anyone can you help, I'm so lost :(

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Ashnicko,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

I am sorry, I cannot give you personal advice on what you may wish to do with you baby as 11 years ago, I was never asked.
There are several guidelines for medical professionals to follow regarding the sensitive treatment of your baby. As a result, many hospitals have adopted arrangements with local crematoria for the sensitive disposal but they are guidelines, and procedures vary from hospital to hospital.

We recommend that for local information about your hospital, you contact the Patient Advice and Liaison Service (PALS) department and ask what the hospital policy is on the sensitive disposal of foetal remains.

The hospital chaplain will do whatever they can to accommodate your needs in relation to your honouring your loss. They will almost certainly have a baby loss service of some kind and you might also like to see what the Baby Loss Awareness Campaign has organised in your area for the next celebrations and acts of remembrance.

I know that when I had my ectopic pregnancy I also looked for a reason and almost automatically we tend to blame ourselves. From the bottom of my heart, there is nothing you could have done to prevent the ectopic pregnancy from happening, you are not a failure. I cannot emphasise enough - you are not to blame. Please be kind to yourself and allow time grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally.

We will be here for you for as long as you need,
Sending much love and gentle hugs,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
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