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Will this get easier?

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Joined: Mon Nov 22, 2021 9:47 pm

Will this get easier?

Post by +hayley37+ »

Hello all,
Not really sure where to start so will start by saying I’m sorry for all your loss.

4 weeks ago I had surgery to have my left Fallopian tube removed with my pregnancy & at first I thought I was dealing with it all quite well when I was first told it was a expected ectopic.
For a whole week I was up the hospital every day having blood test & scans then was told I had to have surgery one they located it in my tube.
I didn’t have any pain or anything just one episode of some bleeding so keep trying to stay positive until it was located.
Again I just felt numb until I was going down & I broke.
I remember in the surgery room I kept being told everything will be ok & I would be ok & then I snapped because I was crying about the surgery, I was crying cos I knew I was going to b out to sleep pregnant & when I wake up I was going to be anymore & my baby was going to be gone.
I was a bit emotional that night then when I came home the following day I was a bit sore but again my feeling were numb.
I didn’t know how I felt or what I should be feeling but then for a couple of weeks now all I want to do is cry but I keep fighting it cos I’m scared if I start I’m not going to be able to stop or deal with this.
I have my second week of counselling this morning but I find it so hard to express my feelings but at the same time I’m tired of keep putting on a brave face & telling everyone I’m ok when I’m not.
My partners sister found out she was pregnant a week after our loss & I'm even finding that hard to deal with which isn’t like me.
I mean I’m happy for her but can’t help feel some jealousy & think how unfair it is.
Me & my partner tried for 5 months to conceive as it was a planed pregnancy & this happened to us.
Will this get easier & will I be me again?

Sorry for the long post & thank you to anyone who takes the time to read/comment.

EPT Host 20
Posts: 2452
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 10:58 pm

Re: Will this get easier?

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Hayley,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task.
You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body's signals and pain and feeling tired are your body's signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.

We hear from many women who struggle with news about pregnancy from their friends and families. This is very normal and I was the same after my loss. When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It's what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space and please protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us "bad" people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful. Please do be gentle with yourself and you can talk to us whenever you need.

There is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn't our fault. Above all be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally.

We will be here for you for as long as you need,
Sending much love,
Karen x

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