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Heart is broken...

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princess pink
Posts: 896
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2015 12:47 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by princess pink »

Thank u so much Nicola & butterfly for ur replies. Sorry iv taken long to reply. I just been busy with Arielle n having visitors. Plus I'm still healing. Iv finished my antibiotics days ago but I still take regular paracetamol and nurofen every day throughout the day coz of pain I get from giving birth... They had to cut me n give me stitches for the birth which is why I think it's taking long to heal as baby is 13 days old now.

I went doctors about my psins two days ago n iv been examines n told im healing well n I have to give it time.

Nicola I didn't actually have ** section. .. I pushed baby out using gas n air for labour n then I had an epidural n pushed her out in theatre with my legs up on stririps but I nearly had ** section coz they were worried re my baby getting distressed.

I am happy she's here n healthy. My bf loves being a dad n will stay up at night to watch her n give her couple bottles so I can get some sleep. But he went back to work today n uv hardly seen him coz after work he's been sleeping so iv taken baby in bedroom so I can feed her in night n he can sleep. Im hoping she won't wake me too much in night coz uv just given her 1am feed n now im going sleep around 2am n hoping to get a few hrs sleep...

Butterfly im sorry ur EDD is next week. Mine is today for my second angel baby would have been age 1 today.

Nicola well done for getting into ur exercise is so good.

Wen I was ttc after my 2nd pregnancy Loss of suspected ectopic preg I definitely used to feel my ovulation psins where as I never use to.. do definitely don't worry about that.

Nicola I really hope u are preg.. I know its hard not to think about it a lot during ur 2 week wait. Il pray m hope fo u ;)

Butterfly I hope ur scan comees quickly for u.

Thanks so much girls for ur support. I am truly blessed to have a healthy happy baby n I know ul bothy have this happen for u both too.

I hope ur both looking after ur selves. Butterfly il pray for u n bubba to stay healthy.

Nicola its great how positive u sound n keeping busy n sociable is great.

Im sending love n hugs to u both.

I best try get some sleep as I never know wen Arielle's next feed will be... sometimes it can be really quickly like hslf hr or hr later or it could be 3/4 hrs later. . She feeds alot at night.

I'm sending u both lots of love n thanks again for ur lovely kind words. X x x

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 10:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

Hi Toni

I'm so pleased you seem to have taken to Mummyhood, I knew you would. It sounds like the birth was pretty dramatic but she's here safe and sound and you're looking after her now. I'm so pleased you have your happy ending - i bet it still feels surreal though at times doesn't it?!.

Sorry to hear it's the anniversary of your DD - I'm sure that little one is looking down thinking I sent you Arielle to look after. I believe everything happens for a reason and sometimes it takes us a while to figure out what that reason was.

I have a week until I can test and I'm trying not to get my hopes up, I have had a few symptoms but it could be either way couldn't it so just carrying on as normal.

Make sure you rest when you can and treasure your special little girl. Xx

princess pink
Posts: 896
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2015 12:47 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by princess pink »

Hey Nicola, sorry for taking a while to reply. How are u?

Awww thank u so much. Yes the labour n birth was long n traumatic but im so glad it's over n baby is healthy n well. I just need to get myself better as im still really sore from the birth n constantly taking paracetamol n nurofen.
Painkillers don't seem strong enough n sometimes the pain is too much especially wen im trying to look after Arielle whilst in pain.
Especially yesterday I was crying coz if the pain I find too much.

I mentioned it to the docs other day n they just say it takes up to 6 wks to healn I should just keep taking painkillers.

Arielle is doing really well though n she's 19 days old n eating n sleeping well n growing n changing so quickly. Its hard work with the constant breastfeeding especially from evening time about 7/8pm she just constantly feeds n last night it went on til 2.30am.. I was fighting to stay awake.

But she is amazing n im truly greatful n happy to have her n yea it can feel like a dream n the days are going so fast since she's been here.

Awwww thank u ;) That is really sweet what u said about my 2nd baby angel. My bf said a little prayer for us about her on her DD... was really sweet as I got upset n cried so the words he said helped.

I know things happen for a reason n ui can see u never forget ur lost babies but u cherish the ones u get to be blessed with even more.

So when do u test? I really hope you are pregnant n ul keep hoping n praying for u? How are you? Do you have symptoms? X x x

princess pink
Posts: 896
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2015 12:47 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by princess pink »

I know what u mean re symptoms could go either way. . Is hard to tell isn't it. Thank u n I will n do treasure my lil girl x x x

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 10:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

Hi Toni,

Don't worry, I know you are busy with your previous girl and are busy recovering. Just glad all is ok even if you aren't quite feeling back to normal yet. Hopefully day by day though things are getting better.

I was due on yesterday and had no symptoms of either so made myself wait to test, woke up last night and AF had arrived so feeling a bit deflated today.

I have booked a doctors apointment as I want to get my hormones levels checked. Before the miscarriage I used to get PMS symptoms (sore boobs, cramping, etc) but I've had none since in my last two cycles so I'm wondering if my hormone levels are not where they should be so I think it's worth speaking to the doctor. I'm also still waiting to hear from the hospital about the blood tests so hopefully I can get those done before I get a BFP. Hoping for one before Christmas but trying to not stress about it as I know that won't help.

How have you found breastfeeding?! I know some people really struggle but I would love to do it when I have a baby.

It's lovely to hear from you still, I know you're busy with the little one but I think it's so lovely you are still on his forum helping people like me. You will be one of the first to know when I get my BFP.

Take Care Toni xx

princess pink
Posts: 896
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2015 12:47 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by princess pink »

Hey Nicola, sorry I only see ur msg this morning.

I'm really sorry u got ur Af. I know u must be feeling really disappointed. Maybe u didn't feel symptoms of getting it coz ur body is just trying to go back to normal again n it will take a while for ur symptoms to come back. Its good though that ur getting ur hormone levels checked n ur blood test too... I hope the results can give u some answers. I know u really wanted to be preg but its good ur af was regular. Will make it easier to concieve I think.

I remember being 3 days late n had thrown up wen I was ttc for Arielle n me n my sister were convinced I was preg but I was just 3 days late n that is why with Arielle I waited to be 5 days late before I tested.

I thought waiting 7 months to get pregnant with Arielle was so long ni really thought mayb I couldn't get preg anymore coz I was so focused on it. Also coz with my first two pregnancues I had fallen pregnant straight away after a month I think... so I really didn't understand why Arielle took 7 months to concieve but I couldn't give up for something I wanted so much. I realise now she was worth the wait n that 7 months isn't that long. Some people ttc for yrs. Also its good my body had a break from being pregnant too... coz after my too previous pregs I looked preg for a while afterwards.

So please don't give up ttc... it will happen for u n il keep praying for u. I really hope ul get pregnant before xmas ;) You do sound like me last year though. I remember saying I wanted to get pregnant before Xmas n I felt so sad not knowing if I was n hoping I was n then on boxing day I got my AF u felt so sad. But little did I know that beginning of jan I missed my period n tested positive n my pregnancy ended up being dated to boxing day.

So try not to give up if u don't test positive before Xmas. .. u could test positive in the new year or not long after.

It will happen soon for you ;)

Thank u for understanding. Yeah I am busy alot with Arielle n yea im still sore on painkillers. I feel like il never recover but yea hopefully ul right that each day I'm getting better. I just want to stop feeling pain n having to be on painkillers.

I feel like im in most of the time which I am but its coz im feeding so often n waiting to feel better before going out so im in alot n then coz my bf is still off work he can pop to shops wen we needstuff n we have a lot of visitors still.
I did pop to shops on Friday but it takesalot out of me still.

I'm not going to lye I find breastfeeding hard. Iv always said I probably want to do it as thought of it freaks me out.

But doing it isn't bad n im happy to be able to do it for Arielle.

It is painful though but more wen baby is latching on to ur nipple n then it calms down for the feed n my nipples are sore alot but I apply nipple cream to soothe them before n after I do a feed.

It's a good feeling to be able to breastfeed yr baby but it is hard coz wen they are so young they feed alot.

Arielle has a feed usually every 3/4 hrs or sometimes it could be 2 hrs in the day. Some feeds are quick n some cam be 40 minutes or even an hr or just 10 mins.

Hardest thing is she cluster feeds in the eve from about 7pm until about 12/1am im constantly feeding her coz she's so hungry with sometimes 10 minutes break from one feed til the next or msyb half hr break. Its coz they say cluster feeding is a baby trying to help bring the milk in n im told that should calm down wen she is bit older about 6 wks old or mayb a bit older.

So its hard work n I do feel almost glued to sofa breastfeeding her from eve til night time.

Then my bf Dave will give her two bottles of formula in the night n he stays in the front room with her n I get to go to bed n hel bring her in in the morning about 7/8am wen she's due s feed... so il feed her in bed. Or hel bring her in in the morning n put her in her moses basket next to my bed so I can sleep still while she's asleep n give her a next feed which may not be due til 11am depending wen she had her last bottle of milk. But after a bottle of milk it feels her up longer n then she's not due a feed after a bottle until about 4 hrs. So u get a longer break with bottle feeds to sleep or get things done.

So im glad Arielle takes both so I can get a break n Dave can feed her too.

Its hard though as she can get funny taking her bottle sometimes but I think its too stressful to just breastfeed the whole time n wen I did the first mayb 5 days of her life I was only getting about 2 hrs sleep a night was not enough n with her dad bottle feeding her I get sometimes 5/6 hrs sleep is better but I still feel tired alot.

So wen u have ur baby do what is best for u but just don't feel guilt tripped into breastfeeding. Its nice to be able to breastfeed ur baby. .. I don't know how long il do it for though as its only been 3 weeks so il just keep taking it a day at a time.

Awww thank u ;) ur really sweet to say that. It us hard for me to come on here as much but I like to fron time to time n I like seeing how ur getting on n talking to u. I can't wait til the day very soon wen u tell me ur good news ;)

Whole time iv msg u now I was feeding now have Arielle sleeping on my shoulder after a feed.

I can't wait to wen ur preg n u can tell me how ur pregnancy goes n il give u any tips I can as u get heavier preg n wen ur lil bundle of joy arrives.

Keep looking after urself n being positive. Ur doing so well u really are n ul get ur positive test soon.

Im always here for u if n wen u need to chat. .. I may just take a lil while to reply but il still be coming on here wen I can.

Im sending u hugs n baby dust n ptsyon for u.

Lots of love Toni x x

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 10:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

Hi,

That's ok. I was expecting it really, I had no symptoms whatsoever, although I was so disappointed when it came - at least I didn't waste a pregnancy test. With the ectopic and miscarriage I've fallen pregnant the second month trying both times so expected it to be quick again. This will be out third cycle - I think I got a bit too obsessed last month tracking temp and using OPKs that I stressed myself out and thought we had to BD on certain days so trying to relax again this month. It will happen when it's ready. I have my doctors appointment next week so hopefully they will check my hormone levels. I hope they don't try and fob me off.

I know like you that if I have to wait a few months it will be worth the wait and I want it to be right, can't go through another miscarriage or ectopic.

I can't imagine how tired you must be feeling and especially with being in pain too. I hope things start to get better and quickly for you too. I think things settle down around 6 weeks as you said but every baby is different. Just do what you can and rest whenever possible.

Take Care and speak soon xx

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 9:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

I'm so sorry I've been non existent, this year with things going wrong seems to be never-ending for me! I think I told you I had what I thought was a urine infection about a month ago hsvung awful lower abdominal and lower back pain so was put on antibiotics to treat it then the pain returned later and saw another GP again was told was a urine infection, then after that the pains came back again with intermittent bleeding which I never have during my cycle, struck gold with a locum emergency GP who finally saw the light and said it's not a urine infection, she is a woman for a start, young and proactive who's done loads of tests, she thinks it could be something called bacterial vaginiosis where pH balance is out of whack, so currently on antibiotics to treat that, she'll phone me if it's anything else, however got a follow up appointment on Tuesday to ensure infection has gone. The worst of it all though is she said if the hospital had checked for infection the first time and treated it after the ectopic i may have still been carrying the baby I have just lost. Can't believe that peoples uncaring attitude has caused me to go through this twice when something could have been done. I even said after my manual vaccum for this loss, I was worried I've had 2 losses now can it be investigated, and was just fobbed off with it's just 'one of those things' I'm so angry and sad right now, just hope these antibiotics clear this all up, thank God for this GP! I'll probably end up getting thrush next after the amount of antibiotics I've taken or I'll probably find out next I'm infertile or something just to top the year off! Why not throw something else at me!

Sorry for the rant, sorry I've not been here just so much going on, hope you're all doing ok. X x

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 10:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

Hi Kate,

It's nice to hear from you. So sorry you have been going through this though and it's even worse if you find out its something that could have been prevented. It's been a bit of a rubbish yeah for us both so here's hoping 2017 is much better. Maybe you could try having an actinal everyday as they are supposed to replenish the good bacteria as antibiotics wipe out everything - the good and the bad.

I finally have an appointment for some blood tests a week on Monday. It's at Tommys miscarriage research clinic who said they are more than happy to see me after what has happened this year. They will do the blood tests and check for any hormone issues or abnormalities. I feel so much more positive now knowing something is going to be done. We are so worried to fall pregnant again incase there is an issue there.

I really hope you get some good news Kate and things start looking a little brighter for us.

Take care xx

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 9:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

Well the dr said she'd call if i wasn't on the correct antibiotics after swabs and tests etc, so it must be the bacteria infection she thought it was, but got a follow up appointment on Tuesday to see how I am after the antibiotics. I'm currently building in yoghurt with the live bacteria to put the good bacteria back and drinking cranberry juice, will keep this as a daily routine from now on. She did also say to forget strong perfumed shower gel as that can cause pH imbalance, so I'm using these water based wet wipes which she suggested, no toxic chemicals or anything and I suppose just got to hope for the best that it's all cleared up. Touch wood, not had any further lower back or abdominal pain or bleeding so hoping I'm finally on the correct antibiotics instead of being told it's a urine infection!

So glad you have your appointment soon it's like light at the end of the tunnel isn't it! Keep me posted on how you get on!

I cannot believe it's Xmas soon, with everything that's happened feels like this year has gone in the blink of an eye!

I'm so not even thinking about trying to conceive, like you I'm too scared, think I need a break from it all and get my body sorted out first! The last thing I need is another loss over Xmas, want to enjoy Xmas without worrying if I'm going to bleed if I did fall pregnant, and in and out of epu is not how I want to spend my Xmas! so it's all on hold for the moment and re look at it in the new year!

I hope you're doing ok. X x

princess pink
Posts: 896
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2015 12:47 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by princess pink »

Hi Nicola,
Sorry only just read ur msg this morning... where iv been busy time just goes so fast n days do.. I keep not knowing what day it is.

I know u were expecting it but im still sorry u got ur period. . I know its a disappointment wen u get it.

Ur like me falling preg so quickly with ur first 2 pregs is why you expect to fall preg again so quickly this time. .. so its hard to except it may take a bit longer this time. But ur right wen it does happen n I believe it will happen soon for u n it will so be worth it. Its weird coz once u do get preg again n u get the all clear that all us healthy n well.. u forget how long n frustrating it was as u tried to get preg n u just concentrate on ur pregnancy n u feel so much more at ease wen u get positive scan results.

Ur right it will happen for u wen it's meant to n its good ul try be more relaxed this month about ttc.

I know exactly how u feel coz I felt the same way knowing I couldn't cope with another miscarriage or ectopic so every month wen I didn't get preg as much as I was sad that it was taking a while to happen I was at the same time greatful to not be preg with another ectopic or miscarriage n I remember praying to God saying I don't mind waiting a while to get pregnant a 3rd time as long as my baby is healthy wen I eventually do get preg.. so 7 months after trying. .. n also the 2 months I waited to ttc was 9 months after my second preg loss was wen I conceived again n im just so greatful the wait was worth it n I believe the same will happen for u. So please don't give up hoping n trying. .. it will happen soon n wen its meant to. I hope ur appointment helps u next week.

Thank u... I am tired but getting more sleep lately coz my bf stays up all night with her so I can sometimes sleep like last night from 2am til 9.30am... where Arielle has two bottles with her dad. She later went bak to sleep so I got hr n half sleep more before she woke up due for a feed. So some nites I get bit more sleep is good but its usually broken sleep n thank u I really hope pain eases up especially by 6 wks as its nearly 4 wks. I do hate taking painkillers all time n it does worry me that I still get pains this bad. My sister never did with her 4 kids.

Its partly why I don't really go out coz of the pain n coz im breastfeeding so much.

Im about to pop to shops with Arielle m just hoping my pain wonton get bad. Its mad coz all day im timing Arielle's feeds n wen im due more painkillers. But hopefully it will get better.

Thanks I do rest wen I can. .. its mad how quickly days go n I can't believe Arielle is 4 wks old on Saturday already has gone so fast n she's so big now.

Her dad goes back to work on Monday so il have to feed her in night n get up earlier will be hard but hopefully he will still give her one bottle at night time.

I hope ur ok... n I hope ur appointment with doc soon is helpful n goes well.

X x x

princess pink
Posts: 896
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2015 12:47 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by princess pink »

Kate sorry to hear all ur going through n I hope things get better for u. Sending u hugs n positive vibes. Don't give up n look after uself. I hope u have support from friends n family. X x

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 9:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

Thank you princess pink, will see what the dr says on Tuesday. You're right I wont give up, just have a good break from TTC, enjoy xmas and start thinking about it all again in the new year, need to make sure my body is healthy first of all! P.s. massive congrats on your baby girl, so so happy for you. X x

princess pink
Posts: 896
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2015 12:47 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by princess pink »

Ur welcome Kate n good luck for ur docs on Tuesday. It sounds like a good idea for u to have a break from ttc til u get ur body more healthy again.

Thanks so much for ur good wishes ;)

I hope u get to look after urself n enjoy rest of the year n then new yr is a positive start for u.

It will happen for u wen its meant to.

Im sending u baby dust for wen u need it n positive vibes n hugs.

Take care. X x

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 9:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

I hope you're right princess pink that it will happen for both Nicola and myself, it has been a [heck] of a year, just feels like things keep happening to my health and it will never happen, hopefully the dr will reassure me on Tuesday. Thank you for your positivity. You try and keep positive, get over the loss then another thing knocks you down again. Feels like it's never going to happen.

I bet you feel so relieved to finally have Arielle in your arms, safe and sound after your losses too, beautiful name by the way. I loved the little mermaid as a child one of my favourite Disney films, where you imagine playing the character, hopefully one day I will look at my child doing the same thing!

Hope you're ok Nicola.

X x

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 10:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

Hi Kate,

Well I guess it's good they haven't called as they are obviously treating you for the right thing. Just like you say seems to be one thing after enough. I've found since having an actimal drink everyday that I haven't got the usual cough and cold I would get which is good. It's now part of my routine to have one.

I agree with waiting until next year before TTC again, I feel like it won't happen this year for us now and with waiting for the blood results too it's probably best that it doesn't as if there is something then I need to be treated before we try again. They did say it would be 4 weeks for the results so should be before Christmas.

Let me know how you get on when you go on Tuesday and I'll let you know how the following week goes with the blood tests.

Toni - it's ok, my body isn't ready and I guess it will happen when it's supposed to and I want it to be right this time. I'm actually going for an acupuncture session on Tuesday as I've heard really good things about it and thought it would relax me if nothing else so I'll let you know how that goes.

Wow I can't believe Aerielle is 4 weeks already - where has that gone?! I hope you manage ok when your boyfriend goes back to work and there are people who can help you if needed?! Have you been eating properly or do you just feel to drained at the moment?! I've heard breastfeeding can take a lot from you so know you have to eat well.

Have the doctors said it's normal to have the pains that you have?! I guess they are checking up with you regularly.

Take care and speak soon both xx

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 9:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

I really hope all goes well for you at the clinic Nicola, it's so weird I've gone from desperately wanting to be pregnant again after the 2 losses to not wanting to be pregnant at all as I'm worn out with the worry of it all and I certainly don't miss the knicker checking for blood that was very exhausting too! Yes we've put the whole thing on hold for the time being need to be well in myself first, not worth risking it! Honestly I feel these 2 losses this year has really taken it's toll on my body, feel like I've aged so much! Wouldn't it be lovely to fall pregnant and not know about it, like what happens to certain women and find out when they're like 12 weeks or something. If I'm lucky enough to fall pregnant for the 3rd time, i won't do any early testing if I suspect I am, sometimes ignorance is bliss! and i won't go to epu either, what will be, will be! X x

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 10:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

Hi Kate,

I totally agree with you there -I said to my husband I would actually rather go and get scanned later (10+ weeks) and found out it's all ok then, rather than go at 6 weeks and have the worry from 6-10 anyway because i lost it before. Ignorance is definitely bliss.

I am going to acupuncture tomorrow - a friend recommended it to me after she conceived after an ectopic and I thought it might be worth a try. The lady I spoke with said it's very draining to lose a pregnant and that she can rebalance my energy. I'm slightly sceptical but I thought I would go with an open mind and see how I feel afterwards. If it relaxes me then it's a start.

I hope you get on ok tomorrow - let me know won't you and I really hope 2017 works out to be a much better year for us. It has to really doesn't it?! Xx

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 9:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

I agree with you anything's worth a try, enjoy, let me know how you get on. One of the things i want to check tomorrow is should I be taking more than 400mg of folic acid as I'm worried I've not had enough in my body since the ectopic in April, I don't know just looking for answers all of the time! Now it's nearly hitting December, I'm looking back over the year and thinking my goodness what a year! Gives me a horrible feeling in my stomach, kind of butterfly like feeling. Will be the due date of my first loss on December the 7th, strange to think I should have been about to pop now!

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 9:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

P.s. we can't have a rainbow without a little rain and we've both certainly had our fair share of a down pour! X x

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