Heart is broken...

[Butterfly1]

How are you feeling Nicola? Have the twinges passed now? I'm glad you have arranged a scan and although it probably feels a long way off, it will soon come around. I will be thinking of you and sending you positive vibes.

We didn't find out the sex but my hubby thinks he saw 'boy bits' on the scan and I have a gut feeling it's a little boy (dont know why) !

Good luck with going back to work tomorrow. Its horrible going back after a break isn't it. I go back next week and really don't want too. How lovely that you are going back with a little secret in your tummy!!

Take care and please keep us posted

xx

[Nicola1720]

I'm feeling ok thanks Butterfly1. I've had the odd twinge and think I probably have a cyst. I've been to acupuncture tonight and she says she will just try and nourish everything until I have my scan and we know all is well and in the right place.

I will probably tell my boss when I am back at work just because of what has happened previously and with having to go to scans / appointments etc, I wouldn't have normally but it feels like the sensible thing to do as she's now well aware of my history.

When do you finish for maternity?

Enjoy your last few days off this week xx

[Nicola1720]

Hi Ladies,

Just letting you know I woke up to bleeding this morning and am awaiting a doctors appointment at 10am but it's not looking good, bleeding is heavy and I am cramping. I feel numb to be honest and like I expected it to happen. I know something isn't right so I think next steps are finding out what exactly before we start trying again. Thankfully we hadn't told anyone (other than you guys) but so many of my close friends are pregnant I feel like I have to tell them because it's just so difficult to pretend it's not happened and all is ok. Xx

[Keeponhoping]

I'm sorry I've not been on for a few days, my husband's grandad is not well, we had a call on new year's Eve saying he has had a heart attack so been supporting his family with that. He's the ripe old age of 94 so we're hoping he'll pull through.

Nicola, hope you're getting on OK at the drs? Did you think you had a cyst, can that not cause bleeding and cramping? I'm hoping and praying for you it is something ' simple ' like that and that baby is ok. X x

[Butterfly1]

Thinking of you Nicola xx

[Nicola1720]

Sorry to hear that Kate. I hope he pulls through.

Sadly the doctor said it isn't looking good due to the amount of bleeding and all of my symptoms have gone. They will take bloods again Friday and will go from there but they were really low today, not where they should be for 5 weeks.

I have a follow up at the hospial next week - I really need some answers now. Xx

[Keeponhoping]

Nicola, I was hoping it would be a different outcome and positive it would be! hope you're resting up after today, how are you feeling now, has the bleeding stopped? X x

[Nicola1720]

I'm just resting at home. It's like a heavy period so guess it will last for a few days. I'm just sad but I'm feeling much better than last time, maybe I've come to expect it. I suppose this time I'm in the process of getting tests done whereas I wasn't last time and I know they will support me and do all they can so will see what the next steps are next week. Xx

[Keeponhoping]

I'm so glad the hospital are looking after you so well and giving you the support that you deserve. I hope you're ok and I'm thinking of you. X x

[TaraRara13]

Hi,

Just need someone to talk to really, I finally got pregnant and was the best day of my life.. after suffering PCOS and not being able to ovulate with out the help of using Clomid which was prescribed from my fertility specialist.. I was around 8 weeks pregnant not having had a scan yet.. I started to feel very unwell and had to go A&E with my symptoms after being scanned they told me the devastating news of An ectopic it had ruptured and caused me to loose 4 pints of blood and nearly loose my life .. very scary I felt alone and scared I'm actually heartbroken I lost my little PEACHES ;( I just feel it's never going to happen for me after trying for 5 years!!

Tara.xx

[Nicola1720]

Hi Tara,

I am so sorry you have had to go through this awful experience. I am experiencing my third loss in 12 months so I only know how heartbreaking this is.

I suppose the only advice I can give to you is to chat to people on here, this has been a huge help to me and to allow yourself to rest and recover. I was at work during my last miscarriage and I've decided to take a few days this time to allow myself to start to heal physically and mentally.

On a positive note a close friend of mine had an ectopic in December 2015 and lost her tube. It took another 8 months of trying but she is now 14 weeks pregnant and all is well.

Take Care and we are here if you want to chat. Xx

[Butterfly1]

Nicola- I am so sorry. I do not know what to say. Its devastating news. I'm glad the hospital are being supportive and I hope you get the answers you need. Please do not rush back to work- you need time to heal physically and emotionally. I will be thinking of you tomorrow. Sending you a huge hug. xx

Keep on hoping- I hope you are ok and I hope your husbands grandfather is now on the mend.

Tara- I am sorry to read you too are going through the horrible experience of an ectopic. It may not feel like it at the moment but there is hope as this forum will hopefully show. You are not alone. Give yourself permission to grieve and time to heal physically and emotionally.

Take care xx

[princess pink]

Hey Girls, sorry I haven't had chance to reply. Iv just caught up on most recent msgs here.

Nicola I am in shock to hear ur latest news n I am so so sorry. I prayed for u the other day that all would be well this time. It's so unfair n I really wasn't expecting this to happen to u.

Im glad the medical staff are looking after u n that uv taken some time off work which u need emotionally n physically n mentally.

I wish I could say or do something to change things.
I'm thinking of u n sending u hugs n I'm praying for u.
I'm thinking of u for today's appointment. I'm sending u lotsa love &
I'm always here for u.

Kate I'm really sorry to hear about ur husbands grandad... I hope he is recovering ok n that u are ok.. I'm sending u hugs n prayers for u n ur family.

Tara I am really sorry to hear what u are going through n no how heartbreaking a preg loss is. I hope u are getting rest n have family n friends support. We are here for u to offer support on this site. Im sending u hugs n prayers.

Butterfly thank u for ur kind words. Yes im glad everything is ok now with Arielle n we took her for a follow up hospital appointment at plastic surgery hospital n they took off her dressing n said she will heal fine. I have to massage lotion into her leg 3 times a day.. u can hardly see a mark now just vaguely n she's in no pain is great. Im still not fully healed after delivery... i still use gel they gave me, but i'm alot better than I was so im def getting there.

I'm happy for u to hear how far u are in preg. 25 wks is good stage n its reassuring wen ur baby is so active. Arielle was like it too mainly at night n is stil like it now she's here.

Im thinking of u all n will keep praying for u ladies. Im always here for u girls.

Toni x x x

Butterfly thank u for ur kind words

[Nicola1720]

Hi Toni,

Glad Arielle is recovering. And I hope you are managing ok too.

I'm doing ok, trying to stay as positive as possible. Just got to hope the hospital can help us understand why this is happening and get us sorted for next time around. My husband wants to start trying again straight away as he says it's just time lost if we don't and they might not find anything. I see where he's coming from but then a few more tests might bring us the answers we need. We shall see what the hospital say next week and go from there. I don't just think it's a case of being unlucky anymore.

A few days off has been really good for me and I do feel much better for it. Not looking forward to going back next week but I know after a few days back I'll be fine.

Hope all is well with everyone else. Xx

[Keeponhoping]

Nicola, hope you're doing ok, been thinking of you, just haven't had much time to get on here with everything going on with my husband's grandad, think it's all going to be a long process, poor man.

I understand where your husband is coming from in regards to trying again as soon as possible in terms of losing time, but you're still young and have the time to have a break if you feel your body needs it, but I also understand when it's something you want so badly you just want to get on with it. Just from what I've been through lately, I'm feeling like my body is feeling much better with having a break from trying to conceive, sometimes we just need that break for a few months after all the trauma our bodies go through. You'll know what's right for you and how your body is feeling.

I'm rambling I know, but hope that makes some kind of sense, I'm just very tired at the moment, don't know if I'm making sense! I just hope you're ok.

Toni, so glad Arielle is on the mend, must have been such a frightening time for you. Hope you're feeling better in yourself too.

Butterfly, glad to hear all is going well with your pregnancy not long now until you find out if you're right about the baby being a boy!

Lots of love to you all. X x

[Nicola1720]

Thanks Kate,

I am going to go to my hospital appointment and then see what they say in terms of further testing and the trials we can be part of, one particular trial I am interested in they won't let us try for a month whilst they do the scratch in the womb so that make work well alongside giving myself some time to recover.

I've also written a story today about my experience which has really helped me express my emotions and feelings. I'm going to create a new post on here so if you want to then have a read - it's called there is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you...

Hope your husbands grandad is doing as best he can.

Kate - I'm so glad to hear you are feeling better and you are so right in the fact that you know when the time is right to start again. I am sure we will both be getting our happy endings this year - I'm still positive.

Take Care all and speak soon xx

[princess pink]

Hi Nicola, Thank you, it's a relief how well Arielle is. U can hardly see anything on her leg now so it's almost better.
I'm doing ok thank u

I'm glad u sound so positive n are doing ok. I know it must be really hard for u right now n I'm really sorry for that.

I hope the hospital can give u some answers as to why this is happening.

I understand why ur husband wants to try again right away... but I also think it would be good for you to give ur body a bit of a break n to get the tests done like u said. See what happens at yr hospital appointment next week I guess n take it from there. I hope you are getting rest n u and ur husband are supporting each other.

It sounds a great idea that u have written down everything. Its definitely good therapy for u to release yr emotions. I use to keep a diary n it really helped me.

Kate I really hope ur husband's grandad is going to be ok.. I hope u are ok.

Thank u Yea it was frightening what happened to Arielle but I'm so glad she's so much better.

Im ok thank u... still healing from the birth even now but ik alot better n Arielle is 12 wks old today. She's doing well, eating n sleeping well n very lively.

Health visitor saw her yesterday n still thinks her weight is less than it should be going by the average chart in her red book by looking at the centile thing. It upset me coz I think she's doing well n eating well n gaining weight n then hearing that makes me feel bad for her that she's not gained enough weight. She's now 9 lb 12 oz & was born at 6lb 15 oz.. I have to wait for my usural health visitor to ring me n if she's still concerned she may refer me to take Arielle to the docs about her weight who could refer me to the pediatricians. Il have to see what health visitor says wen she rings.

Its just annoying n frustrating coz Arielle is feeding so much better now n she has breast n bottle feeds. I just want them to leave us alone coz it makes me feel like they think im not taking care of her properly. But she's a very happy n lively lil girl so im trying to go by that.

I hope everyone is ok. Sending hugs n positive vibes x x x

[Nicola1720]

Hi Toni,

I have my hospital appointment on Friday and I feel like I'm just counting down the days. Just want to get it done and see what the next steps for us are. It's so difficult as so many of my close friends are pregnant and whilst I'm so happy for them I think when is my turn, however, I am doing my upmost to stay positive and hopefully this year is our year.

Did the health visitor get back in touch with you? It's silly these standard charts as you know your baby better than any one and she's clearly eating and gaining weight. I cany believe she's over 12 weeks now. Seems 5 minutes ago I was checking this to see if ther was an update.

My sister gets married in December and I've told my husband I'll end up being pregnant and going into labour on that day or something...that's usually how these things work out.

Hope Kate and Butterfly1 are doing ok ☺xx

[princess pink]

Hi Nicola,

I'm not surprised that ur counting down the days til ur hospital appointment... it will soon be here.

Of course its even harder for u with all ur going through n having friends who are pregnant too. Its normal n to be expected that even though ur happy for them that u are finding it so hard.

Wen I was going through having miscarriage n still wanting to ttc none of my friends were pregnant but I remember Finding it hard my bf niece being preg wen she came to ours for Christmas n I got angry about that n I struggled seeing preg mums at my nursery work but u just have to try put on a brave face. So I can't imagine how ur feeling having preg friends around u. If u can try not to spend time with them right now if it's going to make u upset.

Of course it will happen for u still n im too hopeful that it will still happen for u this year.

Yes my usual health visitor rang me today n left a msg asking me to book a doctor appointment for Arielle to ve examined coz of her weight so I did n its next Tuesday afternoon.

The health visitor rang me again later n said she contacted my doctors to make sure I have made Arielle a doc appointment. I told her we now have our own proper baby weighing scales n we weighed her Sunday n she's 10lb & 1oz & we are not worried about her weight coz she looks healthy n is developing well n eats really well n if we think she goes for too long of a feed in the night we wake her to feed her. Health visitor was saying she's still concerned that her weight isn't in proportion with her length n size of her head so she wants me to take Arielle to ve weighed at the clinic on 25th Jan n she was saying how we can't go by our scales just their scales.

Iv agreed to take Arielle to docs n to clinic to be weighed. But me n her dad will continue to weigh Elle at home coz we've got proper baby scales. Even if health visitor thinks only their scales are accurate. I got stressed again n upset but I tried to not show it on the phone coz I feel like she's just doesn't think I'm looking after Elle well or feeding her enough wen I am n I just want them to leave us alone. So im hoping doc will say Arielle is healthy n fine n just a small baby... she doesn't look under weight. Me n her dad have fast metabolism n both were born small so she could just take after us but I really don't think she looks underweight. . She just has long legs.

I know I can't believe she's 12 wks old already & shel b 3 months old on Monday.

I can't wait to the day comes wen we can share baby tips n ul be saying to me did ur baby do this at so many months old like my baby... n before then ul be asking me about how I felt late in my pregnancy as ul be late in ur pregnancy. I really believe it will happen for u... all u can do ua take things day at a time n don't give up hope but please give urself time to heal physically and mentally and emotionally...

Yea ur prob right about yr sis wedding. . Either that or ul be heavily preg still n close to ur due date. Im glad ur able to stay positive n that u picture things like that coz I think u believing it n picturing it will help it to happen for u soon.

That is what I think I did wen I was ttc for Arielle. .. I had to really start to believe it would happen coz the first few months off trying for her I didn't believe it would happen n thought maybe I couldn't get pregnant again but then I started to try my best bto believe it would happen n I prayed n did positive affirmations every day saying other positive things but one of them I would say was "I deserve & accept a happy & healthy & safe & secure baby" I would say it 3 times n repeat it throughout the day.
Even wen I was heavily pregnant I would still say it to assure my whole pregnancy would continue to stay healthy.

It's also lovely u have ur sis wedding to look forward to. U won't mind not being able to get drunk coz ul be carrying ur lil miriale in ur tummy.

Arielle had her injection yesterday for 12 wks one n she's been really clingy n emotional since couple hrs after the injections n all in the night n then today n she's wanted feeding alot more often. Her dads got her now for the night after I breastfed her n come to my bed at 1am n I should of gone to sleep as now its 2am. Il have her back in 5 hrs wen her dad goes to work. . Hopefully she'll start sleeping better tomo.

Nicola I hope u are taking care of urself n ur hubby is taking care of u n ur coping ok.

Butterfly n Kate I hope u r both ok too.

Im sending hugs n positive vibes to u girls.

Nite x x x

[Nicola1720]

Hi Toni,

It's really hard not to be around my pregnant friends as I usually try and see my group of friends once a month and my friend was 30 a few weeks back so she's having a party this weekend and then we have a weekend away in a few weeks, to be honest I don't mind - she had an ectopic pregnancy last year so she deserves this and I know my time will come.

I'm focusing on my sister wedding and planning of the hen party, although, one of the girls going is due in July and she said she would have to bring the baby. I've said she can't because it's not practical as we are booked to do cocktail making and then have dinner and a night out on the Saturday evening, plus I want everyone to enjoy the weekend without a screaming baby. Funnily enough she hasn't replied but I tried to say it in the nicest way possible. It's in Edinburgh too so a full weekend away.

Hopefully the doctors will agree with you about Arielle when you go next week. You have enough going on without worrying about that and as her Mum you know if she's healthy and happy. Let us know how you get on but I'm sure you will be fine.

My husband brought me a power hoop for Christmas (it's a weighted hula hoop) obviously before he knew I was pregnant so I've been able to use thy recently and it's nice to be exercising and doing something that makes me feel good. I go running too and enjoy that as it's some time to forget everything and clear my head.

I'll let you know how I get on at the hospital.

Take Care xx