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Heart is broken...

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Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 9:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

Hi.

How's everyone getting on this week? I've had a rough week and been so up and down emotionally and didn't help my period arrived today (April fools joke or what). Our friend had a 20 week scan yesterday and found out she's having a girl so I've been shopping today and brought some lovely pink bunny sturdy footware for the baby and on Friday the lady who does my eyebrows went off on maternity so I took her a little gift and I'm sure someone up there wants me to suffer having to buy all this things and put on a smile and pretend it's all ok. I went out for dinner with another friend (she's pregnant) last night and I said I just want people to agree with me how [censored word] this whole situation is and how unfair it is. I don't want people saying it will be fine next time as we don't know that. I just wanted some sympathy really.

Hope you have all had better weeks than me. Xx

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 8:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

I've not had the best week either, it was my first day back at work yesterday and everywhere i turned there was a pregnant colleague, they've suddenly come out of the woodwork! gave me a bit of a lump in my throat and made me think selfishly that should be me, i know that's awful to think but can't help it! And if one more person says well at least you know you can get pregnant, i think i might swing for them, no blimin good when the babies don't stick around!

I've also had period type feelings and that drained feeling when you get your period but no blood, when my body feels like it should be bleeding, what's that all about, I will be mad if this procedure has yet again messed up my body! I've had this periody feeling since Wednesday, what if it never comes?! Everytime i go to the toilet i expect to see it has started, but nothing. Why when I should be bleeding I'm not and when I'm pregnant i do, nothing makes sense!

I'm sorry you've had a rough week too Nicola, know how you're feeling. X x

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 9:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

Sorry to hear Kate - it's just so rubbish isn't it. Hopefully your period will turn up soon. I know after the methotrexate mine took 5 weeks and everyday after my usual cycle I was checking and checking and it felt like a lifetime.

On a seperate note my husbands best friend is pregnant and she's asked him if he will go to the hospital with her if her husband is working away and I'm really annoyed about it. I want (when it finally happens for us) to be the first time we experience it. He doesn't think there's an issue with it all but I really do. Makes me oh actually want him there with me if he's been and done it. Maybe I'm just being sensitive. Xx

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 8:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

Nicola, i don't think you're being sensitive, i really wouldn't like that either. It's a very personal thing to go through and like you said you want the first experience to be yours! Hasn't she got family that can be her birthing partner instead if her husband is working?!

I think I'll buy a test today to make sure it's negative, as they never told me to do one this time but did last time. No instructions at all this time, i suppose they assumed I knew the post op procedure. At least then I'll know the hcg is out of my system and it's just a waiting game for my period to turn up, didn't track ovulation either as didn't even think to at the time as was so upset, so can't even go by that.

Hope you're ok. Lots of love. X x

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 9:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

Thanks. My husband said it will just be to take her to the hospital and her partner will go and meet her there as he works closer to the hospital than home, she's chosen one that's about 45 minutes away rather than the local hospital (I can't blame her for that as they are rubbish). I've told my husband how I feel and he completely understands.

I'm surprised they didn't ask you to take a test a few weeks after Kate just to check it was negative and that's nothing is left over. Hopefully your period will arrive in the next few days and you can hopefully then go back to a normal cycle before your appointment. Xx

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 8:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

I'm glad your husband understands how you feel.

Well I did a test and it's negative so that's something at least! My body might just be taking some time to regulate. It will be 5 weeks this Wednesday since the procedure, it can take up to 6 weeks, i just thought I'd get my period like last time which was around this time but I suppose every loss is different in terms of how it affects your body and cycle, so I'll have to sit patiently and wait! I'm constantly knicker checking whether pregnant or not, might as well live in the toilet, ha!

I really hope it is here before my appt, I've heard of women needing medication called provera to kick-start their cycles again after a loss sometimes. It is a course of progesterone tablets and when stopped induces a bleed. Hopefully it won't come to that, just want to get back to normal now. x x

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 9:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

I suppose with how far along you were it might take a little longer for you body to get back to normal. I have my fingers crossed it will be here soon and you can start to feel like things are back to normal (at least with your body).

Its April now though which means your appointment is this month now. I'm hoping that mine will come though soon, if not April then at least May but they did say 12 weeks and it's only been 4. Xx

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 8:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

I think you might be right, some women say the further along they were the longer it took their first cycle to come back. I might just have to be patient on this one! I will just wait it out now, go for our appt and if my period has not been by then I'll mention it to the specialist or see my GP after the specialist, don't want to take anything to jump start my cycle before this appt as may interfere with the testing and results as the jump start medication for a period is progesterone, I'll leave well alone until after!

Hopefully like you say in the next 3 weeks it will arrive, fingers crossed! And fingers crossed you get your appt through soon. X x

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 8:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

You were right Nicola, i spoke to my Dr this morning in regards to my period, and they said that the 4-6 week wait for periods to return is generally for pregnancy loss 8 weeks and under anything over that can take longer as hormone levels are higher, uterus was getting bigger etc so i suppose that puts my mind at rest a bit. Will stop worrying about it for now and just focus on this appt, 3 weeks today! X x

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 9:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

Ahh well that must put your mind at rest and hopefully it won't take too much longer. 3 weeks isn't long to wait at all and you have the long Easter weekend break before that too. I really hope they have a good plan of action for you at this appointment.

I feel like April is going to be a good month. We've put an offer in on a house that we love and they have agreed to it as long as ours sells in the next few weeks which we are quite confident it will. My husband said maybe we were supposed to have the house and then the baby..I hope he's right. Although it would be nice to be pregnant before we move so I can get out of any heavy lifting on moving day and these things always take a good few months anyway. Xx

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 8:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

Oh wow, how exciting! Moving house will be a fresh new start. They do say new house, new baby! Exciting times ahead. I love moving house, but as you say it's surprising how long it all takes to go through.

Have you got a potential buyer for yours? X x

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 9:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

I hope it's news house, new baby! We deserve some luck. We put ours on the market today and the estate agent is confident it will sell quickly because of the location..we are very close to the local national park and it's beautiful for walking and quote sought after area. Fingers crossed it all fits into place xx

princess pink
Posts: 896
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2015 12:47 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by princess pink »

Hi girls, how are u? I was just catching up reading your last msgs.. made me feel emotional & sad for you both Nicola & Kate. .. but I still have so much hope for you both...

Nicola it sounds a lovely idea to go out for a walk n tea with ur hubby & the ornament & candle. It's good you booked the day off work. .. coz you want to keep busy but spending it with ur husband is best idea I think.

I remember working wen it was my duedate ffor my ffirst baby & I can remember putting out the beds for the toddlers I looked after in my nursery job & feeling so sad n crying & I then realised going to work that day was not a good idea. .. so I think what ur going to do is good idea.

I'll be thinking of you both Nicola & Kate. . It def must mean something that ur due dates were so close. I really wouldn't be surprised if u both give birth on the same days :)

Just know so much can change in a short space of time and it will and for the better :)

Sending hugs to you.

X x x

princess pink
Posts: 896
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2015 12:47 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by princess pink »

Hey, I didn't realize I didn't read all ur most recent msgs. Im sorry uv both been having a hard week. Congrats Nicola on the hse n I hope u get to sell urs intime.

Its horrible wen everyone around u seems to be getting pregnant.

I use to find that really sad n hard too but you know what when I was back to ttc again if I saw a preg woman I use to see it as a sign I'd get preg again.

I don't blame u Nicola. . Of course u want first time ur hubby's a birth partner to be with you.. im glad u were able to talk to him about it.

Kate im glad u spoke to ur doctor n got reassurance about getting ur period. I didn't realise it takes longer to come if u were further along in ur pregnancy but it makes sense.

I've been busy the past week. .. had my friend come up other day & we went out for lunch with Arielle.. was nice to get out and Friday I went to my twin sisters is so long journey on train n tram but good to see her n my nephews & niece.

I went to second baby massage class today for Arielle. .. she seems to like it is good.

Now iv got my exercise bike that my bf brought me iv decided to start trying to loose weight n get fit if I can. Its going to take a whi but I need to start some where so the last 3 days iv been doing 10 minutes on my exercise bike & 50 situups ups is what I want to do every day if I can...

Coz iv started weaning Arielle I want to try be healthy with it. So iv been making puree fruit n veg for her & freezing it and so far she's has carrot & broccoli & cauliflower & baby rice & banana & today I puree and freezed apple & pear so im going to keep giving her a little bit of different or mixed veg or fruit to get her use to it n to hopefully help her gain weight as health visitor still say she's smaller than should be wen I tookher to be weighed last week. But she does wwell with her formula milk n I breast feed her once a day in the morning so I told hv im doing all I can do and she's eating well & happy & now sits up for a while & has started to say muma.. despite all that the hv made me feel rubbish about her weight as she's 5&half months and was almost 12 lbs last wed. But I know Arielle is happy n likes her feeds is main thing. . Until they are satisfied with her weight I have to keep taking her to be weighed once a month at the clinic.

My friend has invited me to go garage nation in July would mean id be out all day leaving Arielle with her dad but im considering going. .. even if I am the oldest one there coz my friend is just 29.. but I may go as I love garage tunes.. n it may b good to get out for the day.

I hope ur weeks get better.

Take care. Toni x x x

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 8:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

Toni, sounds like you've had a busy time of it, nice to meet up with friends and family, glad to hear the baby massage class is going well.

How lovely to hear her saying mama, people have told me that health visitors can be quite an obnoxious breed at times! You are her mum and knows what's best for her and she sounds like a very happy little girl to me! Do you think you'll have another baby at some point?

You should go to the garage tunes event, a break from everything and some 'me time' does you good! I love music, could listen to it all day, i hate it when I've arrived at work and a really good song comes on the radio but have to turn it off, i just want to sit and listen!

Nicola, fingers crossed for the sale of your house, keep us posted!

Xx

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 8:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

P.s. i went for my first run last night, and oh my goodness I can barely walk today, shows how long i haven't been for! X x

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 9:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

Hi Toni,

Glad you and Arielle are doing ok. It's great she is starting to talk now and weaning too. You know she's healthy and eating properly so don't worry too much about the HV and their charts...not everyone can be catagorised.

It's great you are starting to exercise too and it will get easy and you always feel so much better for it once you are done.

I agree with Kate too and you should definitely go to the music event. A bit of time for you to be yourself again and enjoy a day out. Plus it's a while away so gives you time to sort a baby sitter / get prepared etc.

Kate - well done on the run. I went out yesterday and did 3.5 miles and really enjoyed it. I'm trying to walk a bit more too so I'm going a couple of times a week on my lunch break as it gets me out of the office and i get more steps it (I got a Fitbit for Christmas). I've got quote competitive with my sister and we are always trying to outdo each other steps so much so that I'm sometimes watching telly and marching on the spot - it's definitely got me moving more.

I've also ordered a rainbow moonstone that arrives yesterday. I've heard they are good for fertility and having them under your pillow or on a bedside table can promote a feeling of calmness. I am feeling so much better after starting reflexology that I thought I would have a look into crystals etc. Who knows if they do anything but I'll take the placebo effect. I have reflexology again next week and I've decided to knock the acupuncture on the head for a while as I much prefer the reflexology and would rather pay for that..I'm only going once a month and am going just before I'm due to ovulate this cycle so will be interesting to see if she picks up anything.

Butterfly1 - any signs of baby yet?

Xx

Anisa
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Mar 22, 2017 2:02 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Anisa »

Hi all, im new to this, me and my husband after 5 years conceived naturally, only to be diagnosed with an eptopic, i lost my right tube and its been 3 months. I still feel the pain and cant bear being around people with babies... Am i the only one feeling this?
Everyone around me has had a baby and im the only one who hasnt, no one seems to understand. Im going round in circles every day, feelin hurt upset angry.. Im also so scared to try again and dont know if i will ever conceive

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 9:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

Hi Anisa,

Really sorry you're here. It's a truly awful experience to go through but we have all been there and can offer any advice and support: my ectopic was treated with methotrexate but I know people on this site having had pain many months after losing a tube and I think you're more aware than ever of pain once you have been through this.

On a positive note my friend had an ectopic in January 2016 with tube removal and is now 30 weeks pregnant so you can get pregnant after this and the likelihood is that it will be ok.

You certainly aren't they only one feeling you can't be around babies, it's very difficult for me still and some days are better than others. Do you have a good support network around you, partner, family, friends etc? Xx

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 8:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

Just wanted to say I'm going to have a break from the forum, just need to clear my head and focus on other things for the time being, I don't know about everyone else but sometimes you just need a break from all baby related stuff! Just thought I'd say before going awol! I normally suddenly feel like this a little while after a loss, did with the other two losses also, not sure what comes over me, maybe it's just the grieving process and just need time out i suppose!

Thank you to all of you as always for your amazing support you've given me throughout this journey.

Nicola, i will be thinking of you on your precious angel's due date, and i know you'll get the rainbow baby you deserve

Toni, continue to enjoy every moment with Arielle

Butterfly, enjoy becoming a mummy

Take care everyone, lots of love, luck and happiness to all of you. X x

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