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Heart is broken...

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Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 9:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

Well I had a call from the hospital and have got my colposcopy and biopsies on Thursday, glad they've sprung it on me like this, less time to worry and think about it! Then this scan next Tuesday so all procedures will be complete before Xmas, yay! Got to look on the positives! Ha.

Received my tablets today, and I currently have 8 billion good bacteria inside me, surely this will fight off these infections. They are long term probiotics too so I will continue on these on a daily basis!

I hate it when other people you know announce they're trying for a baby, it becomes like a race with lots of pressure, but I'm not taking part in that race anymore as it doesn't work out for me anyway! All will happen in good time, that's what I keep saying to myself!

I agree, not sure I'd want that scanning every 2 weeks either, like you say, have a good look through the information first.

I will send you an email with that piece of piano music, you will probably recognise it when you hear it as it has been on a TV advert but it's such a beautiful piece of music and has a lot of meaning for me what with the love and lost meaning to it. X x

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 10:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

Hi Kate,

I got your email and I've listened to that music - it's beautiful. I have a song i listen to (again probably not allowed to post on here) and it bings me comfort but I can't listen to it unless I'm at home because it makes me really upset.

Wow - great news you are getting everything done on Thursday, as you say less time to worry and then the following Tuesday it will be done and hopefully all will be fine but it's reassurance for you. Please let me know how things go I'll be thinking of you tomorrow and Thursday. Especially tomorrow. I never knew by due date with the ectopic but I know I want to light a candle in April for my second due date and listen to my music. I feel like I want to go somewhere so I can say a little pray as such. I suppose when you lose someone you have a grave to go to or a spot for ashes but with this there's just nothing but an empty ness inside and it's so hard to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it. Maybe I'll plant a tree or a flower or something.

After listening to the music you sent me I thought next year I want to teach myself something new, I think as we get older we don't learn like we used to and I want something they will challenge me - I would actually love to play the piano and maybe I could play that piece of music one day. I need some focus for the new year that isn't baby making it baby related.

I hope the new few days go as well as they can and know you are in my thoughts.

Toni - hope you are recovering well and all is ok xx

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 9:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

I'm glad you enjoyed it, I know certain music causes me to just break down too! Music is a powerful thing, I love it!

I'm dreading tomorrow, got terrible butterflies about it, haven't had this awful butterfly feeling since my loss in August, and I haven't missed this knotted feeling in my stomach! The colposcopy is taking the focus off my due date, don't know whether that's good or bad! I have lit my candle and played my song though in memory.

I will let you know how tomorrow goes, it's not until 3pm, why do these things have a habit of torturing you most of the day and making you wait until late afternoon!

Planting tree or flower sounds a lovely idea, my nan used to play the piano really well, I remember sitting next to her when i was a little girl and she would teach me and we'd play together, lovely memories! Playing the piano is really addictive and as you say will focus your mind on something else, I know myself I'm sick of the whole baby making thing for the moment, not only do I have to conceive first, goodness knows when that will next happen but then there's getting through the pregnancy too, it's such a long and drawn out process which I'm enjoying the break from at the moment! I want to get back to my fitness classes once my body is sorted, having a break from it at the moment as my body was struggling with the added pressure of the classes, so decided to get well and recharge my body first!

Hope you're ok. X x

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 10:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

Hi Kate,

I hope today as gone as well as it can for you. Like you say maybe the focus of tomorrow has kept your mind occupied which isn't a bad thing. Please do let me know how you get on and what the next steps are if any.

I've met a friend tonight and find out she is expecting, she is around 9 weeks and has been TTC for 2 years!! I genuinely felt so happy for her when she told me and there wasn't a slight bit of resentment and I thought that must be a good sign that I am coping with these things as the past few months I've felt resentment when people have told me their good news but I just think now that my journey is different to theirs and my turn will come soon I hope. Funnily enough she said they stopped trying as she just didn't expect it to happen. Definitely seems to be the way to get pregnant.

I know what you mean about the process if TTC, then actually conceiving and the 8 months after that - it certainly won't be a stress free ride for either of us will it.

Are you feeling any better since starting the vitamins?

Good Luck tomorrow and keep me posted. Xx

princess pink
Posts: 896
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2015 12:47 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by princess pink »

Hey girls,

Sorry I meant to try msg on here earlier, but iv had a really busy day.

First of all Kate I've been thinking of you today... I know it is a hard day for u n I hope ur ok... I'm sending you a big hug ;)

Thanks girls, Yea my boyfriend did enjoy his birthday n curry thank u.

I agree with u both that it was a lovely gift for my twin sis to have made for me, a rainbow teddy for Arielle coz of what it represents n its so bad what this lady has done n I hope she does give my sis the teddy still or at least a refund for it.

Kate I hope lighting a candle n singing a song brought u some comfort today. Singing a song is a lovely idea.
I too love singing& use to do it a college n uni for performing arts but I love singing for fun... I love karaoke n use to go reg.
Its a lovely idea for u to sing something that is meaningful to u.

I'm so sorry to hear u are ill with thrush and a stye.. u must be so run down n I hope u feel better n it clears up for u.

Vitamins are a good idea n I hope they help u.

Nicola I'm happy for you that ur blood results have come back clear. I know what u mean about if they found something it could make u feel it can help with ur next pregnancy.

If it's if any help to u to know after my two preg losses n not being told there was anything wrong with me that they could fix before I ttc the 3rd time. The only thing I did was eating healthy as I could & exercising. .. I still was smoking though coz the waiting to get preg for so long n after everything that had happened before made it too hard for me to quit smoking. Then as soon as I found out I was pregnant for the 3rd time I booked a doc appointment n started taking pregnacare daily which has the right amount of folic acid in it & I quit smoking the night before I tested positive. I haven't had a fag since n that was January 23rd this year n I still miss smoking but don't want to start ot up again.

So the only other thing that gave me a healthy pregnancy this time was my positive affirmations & praying & I guess fate.

Remember it took me 7 months this 3rd time apose to me getting preg within a month for my first two pregs.

Don't give up... it will happen for u and Kate. .. I just know it n if it takes a bit more time to happen its coz ur lil prince or princess knows his or her birthday. .. that's what I tell myself about Arielle.

I really can't wait for the day I hear good pregnancy news from both U Nicola and Kate n I really would love to meet up one day with u both n our babies to meet n have a lil rainbow celebration. I know its so hard for both of u to believe it will happen which is exactly how I felt up until the day I finally got preg again. . But it will happen n il keep praying for you both until u share ur good news.

I know it has been a long while as Arielle is 7 weeks & 5 days old now. .. but I'm still sore & healing.. I think the pain is a little less often but it can still hurt alot n I def haven't got my fitness level back to what I had before. .... if im still sore in a weeks time il go docs again but hopefully il feel better soon.
I was lil worried as since yes iv started bleeding a little. I thought it was a period but then I realised the blood us coming from my bum as in back passage. Its not much but bright red wen I wiped n there was blood in my shorts n bed... its not much n im a little sore there but I think it could be piles iv heard u can get after birth. If it carries on long il ring docs but hopefully it will stop.

I aam loving being a mum & I feel so lucky n blessed but truth is I do find it hard, with being sore still & the tiredness & I do feel a bit house bound n lonely since having Arielle. Coz I'm at home alot on my own but I know once I heal more il.be able to get out more. Where as I only pop out sometimes to local shops or doctors. Sometimes like today I plan to go shops n don't make it out coz Arielle is really demanding n although she's really good. .. today she was so hungry n wanted a feed every 2 hrs n wanted to be held alot so I gave up trying to get out... but that is coz I breastfeed which is more demanding n often then bottles. I think in time it will help wen I can get out more. Coz I have lost my confidence alot n feel isolated at times. Its nice family n friends visit wen they can.

Some friends of mine may come over sat as they want me to go for an early birthday drink to a pub near mine but iv made ut clear if they do come that I don't know if im up for going out coz if my pains n coz I don't know if I can leave Arielle yet. Iv left her with her dad a few times for like an hr to go to the shops but that is different. So if my friends come here on sat we may just stay in at mine.

I'm on maternity leave til August n I definitely don't want to go back to my nursery Job... its too far to travel n rubbish money n my bosd doesn't treat staff well m I wouldn't want to leave Arielle for the 12 hrs a day I'd be out if the house. But I would like to go back to work in a new job hopefully as a Teaching Assistant like I use to do but closer to my home n part time hrs... but I wouldn't think of working again until Arielle us about age 1 or maybe age 2... il see how I feel as she gets bigger. But as im sure be the same for both of u wen u have ur baby u just want to stay home n look after them. I find it harder work than I expected n its hard to not grt time for urself much n lack of sleep us tough but its amazing to have her n the love u have for them... which u two will definitely have one day soon too ;)

Kate I'm pleased u are having ur tests so soon on Thursday n ur scan next Tuesday. Its definitely good they are doing them so soon n out the way for Xmas. I hope all goes well on Thursday. .. will be thinking of u.

Nicola definitely read all information to decide but I think maybe scanning so often every two weeks could be a bit much especially as for ur next pregnancy u want to relax more for it.

That is such a great idea to learn something new to have something else to focus on is definitely a great positvr idea. Sometimes if im feeding down I sing songs I love with backing tracks or karaoke version. .. I just go on to u tube... I love it n its therapeutic n releases my emotions sort off.

Im intrigued to what this piece of music is u love Kate. .. by any chance is the advert of it sped up? Coz iv got one of them wind up music boxes I brought on a holiday in Paris n it plays such a lovely tune n iv heard a faster version of it on a tv advert n its so lovely but I don't know what its called or the meaning. ..its just so relaxing.
Iv played the music box to Arielle before to relax her.

Nicola that is a lovely idea to plant something in memory of ur lost babies.

Kate definitely don't exercise til ur well enough to.

I hope u got some comfort from lighting ur candle n playing ur song.
I feel for u coz I know how hard today has been for u and now u have other things to focus on but its all for good reasons.
Take one day at a time. .. first get through tomo... I hope it goes ok.. just remember to breath n know its all positive to help u for ur future healthy baby.

I hope both of u are ok...

Coz I don't get to come on here as often now suddenly iv so much to catch up on us why my msg is so long.

I best try get some sleep now while I can...

My thoughts are with u both Nicola n Kate n im sending u both hugs n positive vibes n prayers.

Love Toni x x x




It can be really tiring coz

princess pink
Posts: 896
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2015 12:47 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by princess pink »

Nicola it's definitely a positive thing that u met ur friend n after hearing her happy baby news that u were able to be happy for her... I know how hard to do that is.

I think ur right how alot of women manage to concieve wen they give up trying to or think it won't happen.

Both me n my twin sis went to see our doctors to ask for tests to see why we couldn't concieve. .. We both went to see our doctor after trying to concieve for about 7 months n having no joy.

My sis already had her healthy 3 boys then but was referred for tests starting with an internal scan n by the time her appointment came through she was about 6 wks pregnant so got to have an early scan.

With me my doctor told me even though I had already had two pregnancy losses that he was sure I could still concieve naturally. .. so he sent me away n he told me to ttc naturally for two more months n if I didn't concieve he would send me for tests but that he was sure id get pregnant before needing tests n little did I know I was already a couple weeks preg at that very appointment. So I went back two weeks later to see him n share my good news. He was so lovely n supportive. I haven't seen him since as we have alot of doctors at my surgery but id like to see him ano time especially with my little girl with me.. coz u know how some doctors are so generally nice n kind n supportive.

So it funny enough took me n my twin sis both about 7 months to concieve our healthy lil baby girls.

So hold faith. .. I truly believe if I can get my 3 rd time lucky rainbow baby n there's nothing wrong with me as to why my first two babies didn't make it, then I truly believe it can n happen for you and Kate ; ( Don't give up faith.
I guess it just can take a while for some of us... but its worth it in the end ;)

The pregnancy is long but once u have ur positive scans ut helps u get to ur next scan n once uv got past ur 20 wks scan u can find out baby's sex if u want n I feel then u can relax a lot more. .. u still worry but the more ur pregnancy goes on the more u relax n I remember picking Arielle's name after 20 wks scan & every time u have a midwife appointment u get to hear ur baby's heartbeat which is wonderful n reassuring. I recorded Arielle's heartbeat at every midwife appointment on my phone n still have them.

So just know how I was so worried n scared I'd never get my healthy baby n that either we would have to try iVF or even adopt. Or maybe I was only ever be an auntie to all my beautiful niece's n nephew's. But it happened for me n my bf when it was meant to. .. n after two yrs since we started ttc n just before we both turnt age 40 we both got our beautiful n amazing miricale baby girl. So that is why I know u and Kate will get urs... I wish I could tell u wen... but ur baby girls/ boys will be here wen they are ready n meant to be a part of ur lives.

Sending u both lotsa love m baby dust.

Toni x x x

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 10:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

Hi Toni,

Sorry to hear you aren't quite healed fully yet, hopefully not too much longer. It sounds like you are really enjoying being a mummy though :D I can imagine it's such a huge change to go though and you have to take a day at a time. Does your boss know you aren't going back to won't after your maternity or can you not tell them yet as they will stop your maternity? I know when I eventually do have a baby that I want to have a year off and then hopefully come back to my job part time.

I was so happy for my friend when she told me last night - two years is such a long time for nothing to have happened. She has had all the testing done too and they never found anything. I said hopefully I will be joining you soon and I still feel positive I will be - I think if it gets to 7/8 months and nothing has happened I will go to the doctor and ask for a scan just to make sure there isn't any scaring from the ectopic or miscarriage and that all is ok. It's been 4 months now which really isn't a long time but feels longer because it happened within two months last time.

It's nice your friends are coming over on Saturday to see you and will be nice for you if you feel up to going out - I have my fingers crossed.

Kate - hope today's goes ok and you have been ok this morning.

Xx

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 9:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

Hi girls, I'm feeling rather sore inside, they've found what they call 'white matter' on the cervix which is what they've biopsied and will test, it was a painful procedure, and they had to use silver nitrate to stop the bleeding, but taken painkillers and that's helping, just got to wait for the results now. Time to focus on Tuesday now!

Hope you girls are ok, I will message properly soon, just really tired and could sleep forever! Night night both. X x

princess pink
Posts: 896
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2015 12:47 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by princess pink »

Hey Nicola,

Thank you, yeah hopefully il feel healed soon n I'm hoping by the new year mayb il be able to get out more.

Yeah I am enjoying being a mummy. .. but ur right it is such a huge change. Baby's go through what they call cluster feeding stages which I think is only wen u breasfeed. So iv had to be feeding Arielle alot... she had it wen she was tiny where I never got to hardly leave the sofa in the eve coz of all the feeding n then she went to having feeds every 3/4 hrs and now last couple days she's feeding so often but its meant to stop around 9 wks n she's nearly 8 wks.. its like a growth spurt thing.

I am loving being a mum n she sleeps well in her moses basket but sometimes I let her nap on me coz I love the cuddles but I don't let her too much or otherwise it could be hard to get her to sleep in her own crib. She's generally a happy baby n so alert n baby talks n smiles is lovely.. but wen she cries especially in the night she's so loud n I worry that the neighbours must be annoyed but theres not much I can do coz wen a baby is hungry they are going to cry until they get fed n Arielle doesn't like to wait for me to put on the nipple cream before a feed coz its painful otherwise.

I'm not going to lie its definitely challenging having her n being tired so much but its amazing at the same time n ul soon experience it all for urself ;)

I haven't told my boss im not going back to my job yet. Im on maternity leave until August & if I don't go back I have to tell her by July.

It won't affect my maternity money though coz my work don't pay me maternity money the government pay it n so I don't have to go back to work. But im like u I would like to work again Wen Arielle is about a yr old at the youngest n just part time. .. but il have to find a new job I prefer n closer to home. But ur right for now im just taking it a day at a time.

It's really good news for ur friend to be pregnant n especially after ttc for 2 yrs us a long time. Its good nothing id wrong with her... I think sometimes it just takes a long time to convieve. To me 7 months was a long time to convieve but really it's not that long. . It just felt like it coz like urself my two first pregnancies I convieved within 1/2 months time. .. but Arielle kept me waiting.

4 months of u ttc really is not a long time even if it feels like it is... its good ur body is getting a break n just keep believing it will happen. Coz it will ;)

Thanks Nicola but I don't think Saturday night is happening now. .. I wasn't sure if I was going to be up for going out but now 1 of my friends have cancelled coz her dad is in hospital so she'll be going to visit him n now my other friend has cancelled coz she would rather they both come together so they want us to do it another nite. Another friend of mine hasn't cancelled on me so mayb she'll still come.

Kate I'm so sorry that the procedure u had was so painful for you... it doesn't sound nice to have done.
I don't know what white matter is but I hope wen they test it n u get the results through that nothing is wrong with u n the bleeding has stopped for good.

I hope ur pain eases up n u get to sleep well.

I'm glad uv had the procedure so its done n before u know it the scan will be done.

I'm sending u hugs n lots of love to u Kate & Nicola x x x

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 10:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

Hi Kate,

Hope you are resting up. When are you expected to get the results?! Hopefully once Tuesday is out of the way you will have had the scan and the results back and have the all clear and things will feel much better.

Toni - that's a shame about Saturday - hopefully your other friend will still come and see you though.

I have my husband Christmas party tonight (first Christmas party of the year) I am looking forward to that, it will be nice for us to be out together and forget about all the rubbish that's happened for a little bit. My works party is the following Friday. It's such a busy time of year that I'm not even thinking about trying to be honest.

I went to acupuncture last night and she said my statistics were better than they had been really and she wants to make me stronger for next time around when I am pregnant. To be honest I don't feel much difference from it so I am going to have a few more sessions and then maybe take a break after Christmas and go back when I am pregnant.

I am really pleased for my friend, there's 4 of us that have struggled, had ectopic or miscarriages and I've had both but now 2 of them are pregnant again - 1 who had the ectopic and one who was trying for 2 years so there's just 2 of us now waiting and hopefully it will happen soon.

Speak soon xx

princess pink
Posts: 896
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2015 12:47 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by princess pink »

Hey Nicola,

Yeah it's a shame about today. .. my other friend actually cancelled on me too coz she's doing late birthday celebrations for her sisters birthday. So everyone blew me out and last night another friend was meant to pop over with her daughter at 7pm n only told me half hr before that she couldn't make it coz her daughter is ill which is understandable but I think she could of bothered to tell me few hrs earlier. So I feel really let down this wknd.

I prob would care less if I was still busy working all the time but it gets lonely wen ur home so much but hopefully as Arielle gets bigger n I heal more il be able to start getting out more. She's 8 wks old today n wen she's bit bigger I want to start taking her swimming.

So I just stayed in last night watching Hair spray with Arielle coz my bf went to his work Xmas do in Brighton n only got home this afternoon.
Today I watched Lil mermaid with Arielle even though she slept through some of it.

I got a Xmas tree last night so going to maybe put it up tonight n try get in the Xmas spirit Coz im not a fan of it but want to try make the effort.

My bf had to wear a suit for his work do as they made a big deal of it with a free meal out n free bar n they each were allowed to stay in a hotel for the night which his work paid for.

My work had our Xmas meal last night too n they invited me where im still employed by them. I didn't feel up to going coz of my health n no way im ready to go out yet n leave Arielle. .. so it's just as well being that my bf work do was same night. My bf's work don't let them bring guests to their Xmas dos.

That's good u are allowed to go to ur husband's work Xmas do n I think a night out is a positive thing for u both. How did it go? I hope you both enjoyed it... That is good uv got ur own work do next week to look forward to aswell.
It's good that all the Xmas stuff is helping u to take ur mind off trying.

That sounds really promising n positive re ur acupuncture sessions. Does it not hurt at all? Coz I had a session yrs ago for my back probs n it hurt n I couldn't relax but mayb that's why it hurt...

Its really good n positive that ur able to be happy for ur friend. Its nice u have friends whom can all relate n support each other. The two who are pregnant shows u n ur other friend that it can n will happen for both of u too wen the times right ;)

Kate how are u feeling? I hope ur ok n healing from Thursday.

I hope ur both ok n ur weekends are going ok.

Love to u both x x x

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 9:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

Hi girls, I'm feeling a bit better now thank you. I think this scan on Tuesday is abdominal as well as transvaginal, although not going to be able to have the transvaginal part as it says to not insert anything for a week to two weeks after biopsy due to risk of infection, and I really don't want to risk getting anymore infections and to steer clear of antibiotics for the moment. So I think I had better phone the scanning clinic on Monday and check if they want to rearrange the whole thing or just do the abdominal part only.

Toni, sorry you've been let down with people visiting. If myself and Nicola lived nearer, we'd come and see you and Arielle! You won't believe it, we've had our tree up since the end of November, really early I know, but having all the decorations up has cheered me up!

Nicola, hope you had a great night last night and enjoyed lots of fizz!

Lots of love to you both. X x

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 10:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

Hi Toni,

Such a shame your friends cancelled on you, one of my friends who has a little boy said to me when I was pregnant before that once you have a baby you know who your real friends are. I would make the effort and even if it's just to come over for a cup of tea. When my friend had her baby I just went over and we caught up then over a tea. He's nearly two now but he's really good and he usually comes along and we meet at the local park for a walk and a tea. We've been for breakfast this morning although she left him at home :D

My husbands work do was really good although I drank a little too much and after not drinking much for a few months it hit me, apparently I was trying to get my husbands friends to do the conga down the road :shock: whoops. I was feeling slightly delicate yesterday :(

My acupuncture doesn't hurt most of the time although some of them do tingle when she puts them in, they are mostly in my legs with a few in my lower stomach, she did say it was good I wasn't pregnant yet as she wants to help me get stronger first.

Kate - glad you are feeling a bit better. You are probably right to call the hospital and let them know and see if it's best to reschedule. It would be best to have it done in one go rather than two parts. Hopefully you won't need to wait too long if you can't go on Tuesday.

We put out tree up on the 2nd December - I love Christmas and I love the build up to it so the longer it lasts the more excited I get. I have three advent calendars too (greedy I know).

Let us know what the clinic say when you speak with them tomorrow.

Hope you are both having a nice weekend and a relaxing Sunday.

Speak soon xx

princess pink
Posts: 896
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2015 12:47 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by princess pink »

Morning Girls ;)

Kate I'm pleased to hear u are feeling a bit better n I hope u feel completely better soon. I too think it be best if u can have both scans rebooked for the same day but yea definitely see what they say.. il be glad for u wen its all over. I hope u are ok...

Awww Thank u Kate that is so sweet of u to say... but I know we prob live far apart...

I live in Redhill in London. .. where do u girl live?

Wow u girls put ut Xmas trees up early but I don't blame you.
I only brought mine on Friday... it's a shame that wen we moved in June my bf left our last one from last yr at our old flat coz I was working wen he moved our stuff n he didn't bother to bring it along.

Now the one iv just brought on fri us really small jus 4ft n I didn't realise coz it was hard to carry home with buggy n other shopping on Friday on my own n I didn't have money to get more expensive one n wen I put it up yesterday I realise how small it actually was is shame as old one was 6ft. My bf found it funny n was laughing saying it looks like a big plant but I said it don't matter least I decorated it n got lights on it n il get a bigger one next yr... Arielle won't mind.

Thank u Nicola ;)

You are right that u do find out who ur real friends are wen u have a baby n wen u are heavily pregnant too coz u can't do much.

That is so nice that u make an effort with ur friend n sound supportive or her... wen u have ur lil one ur kids can play together too will be nice.

My best friend n my twin sis have always made the effort since iv been heavily pregnant n visit me most weeks is nice coz they know I use to visit them regular before I was heavily preg n I will again wen I'm better n Arielle is bigger.

My best friend is coming to visit on Wednesday. .. she's really supportive m she came with me to couple midwife appointments too.

I'm hardly sleeping since Thurs nite coz Arielle is not sleeping much in the night or day she wakes so easily after like ten minutes sleep. Iv had her every night since Thurs night n could do with my bf having her one night but he hasn't lately coz of his work do n then he worked yesterday really early.
So I feel so sleep deprived that iv been feeling dizzy. Hopefully tonight hel have Arielle so I can try get bit more sleep.

One of my friends who let me down Saturday for her sis late bday celebrations is a good friend n said she'll come visit Thursday as has day off work so hopefully she'll come this time as she doesn't usually let me down.

The friend that let me down Friday has her daughter having a heart opp today so I know she's got lot to deal with but im not going to chase her to visit as she can be bit too much wanting to visit a lot n even my bf don't like her as wen met her he thought she was telling me what u should do too much so she can be bit much so il only let her visit if I'm really up for it.

My other two friends who were meant to visit sat said theyl come another time but theyv blown me out a few times already so il only let them visit if it free.

Nicola ur hubby's Xmas work do sounds like u had a lot of fun... its good u were able to let ur hair down. You need to some time n sounds like it did u good :)

I use to love nights out having a drink n a laugh n getting so drunk I would think I owned the dance floor lol.

I haven't been out drinking in so long. .. even before I was preg id only have a couple drinks so I don't know wen I last had a good drink session. Il have a couple drinks on my birthday this yr especially as it's my big 40th is next week Dec 23rd so its the Friday.

I'm meeting with my twin sis in the day she's travelling up to see me for few hrs n we going to try watch new Bridget Jones film at mine.

Then in the evening she's going to the pub near where she lives with her bf n her eldest son who is age 18 is coming home from uni to visit n hel be babysitting his 9&11 yr old brother's & his 2 yr old sister for her.

It's s shame I can't go out with her it being both our 40th but my bf will be at work in the day so in the eve we are just going to stay home n hel make me dinner n I may treat myself to mayb two brandys n coke from about 9pm n then just bottle feed Arielle from then n not breast feed till the morning coz u can't drink n breast feed.

It sounds like ur acupuncture is doing a good job for u n I'm glad it doesn't hurt u. Mayb u should try it again one day.

My bf didn't come home till 3pm on Saturday after I hadn't seen him since 12pm Friday wen he came home on lunch to get his suit to wear to his work party. I wasn't impressed coz he never message me whole time he was gone wen he said he would. He said it was coz his phone battery died wen he went to message me Friday night n he didn't have charger coz we share it coz mine broke.

Then he woke at 12pm Saturday n all his friends had left early so he was lost for two hrs in Brighton trying to find the train station. Wen he got home he had lost his voice from all the singing he said but I think it's from the alcohol too.

I wasn't impressed on Saturday wen he returned n it didn't help from already feeling let down by my friends. I know he felt bad as he kept hugging n kissing me but I got so stressed while he was gone not hearing anything from him that I even worried what if he was hurt ir something n coz of the stress n worry I hardly slept even wen Arielle slept I struggled to.

I'm so nervous n scared this morning for Arielle coz at 9.10am she has her 8 wks check up appointment and a 9.30am she has her 3 injections. I know she needs them or could get serious diseases so she will have them but I really don't want her to be in pain.

She had a heal prick test wen she was a week old n I cried coz she cried even though she was fine seconds after.

So my bf is meeting me at doctors n thinks I should wait in waiting room in case I get upset n stress out Arielle more coz of it.

But iv decided to be there with her wen she has injections so I can support her n il try be strong for her n then I can give her big cuddles straight after n I think they tell u to give baby calpol too as shel have sore leg n il prob give her a breast feed straight after in the docs to comfort her.
Iv been dreading her injections but I know she needs them.

I get why her dad says I should maybe wait in waiting room but I want to be there for Arielle especially as I feel shel need me more then him coz I'm the one she's with most of the time.

Iv not long fed her n better gey us both ready as we got to leave in about half hr.

I hope I ladies are both ok n u both have a good day.

I'm sending u both hugs. X x x

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 9:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

Well I've phoned them and they think it's just going to be an external scan so told me to go along to it and if for any reason they need to do an internal one, that will need rebooking. Fingers crossed the external one will be sufficient as I'm getting fed up now of all of this, just want to be able to move on but can't as I've still got to wait for this biopsy result yet! I really hope that comes back normal and nothing serious, they said results can take up to 4 weeks! Still bleeding after this biopsy but can't work out if it's from that or my period as it's due in the next few days but it's not a constant flow so probably not my period so I'm sure. They didn't mention anything about periods, I'm sure it will all settle down.

I live in Cornwall, so far from everywhere!

Exactly, next year you can get a nice big xmas tree for Arielle. It must be hard trying to function on such little sleep, hope you get a good night's sleep soon. Hope Arielle's injections go ok, must be horrible watching her going through that.

Toni, you made me crack up laughing about owning the dancefloor when drunk, I can relate to that! Ha ha! You definitely deserve a birthday drink, enjoy! I expect the brandy and coke will go straight to your head as you haven't drunk in a while, I've wanted to see the new Bridget Jones movie, looks hilarious.

Nicola, sounds like you had a brill night, good on you! I love a good knees up and drink, just haven't felt like it at the moment as still a bit sore etc.

Lots of love to you both. X x

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 10:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

Hi Toni,

Hope you got on ok with Arielle today and it wasn't too upsetting for you to see her have her injections. I know lots of people say it's really horrible to see your baby go through that.

Ahh I bet your 4ft tree is cute and it's going to look huge to Arielle anyway, like you say next year you can get a bigger one. It will probably be a few years before she gets excited for Christmas anyway.

My husband is the same when he goes out. I just don't hear from him (must be a man thing) he went out the other month for his friends birthday which started at 12pm in the local pub drinking and he messaged me at 10pm saying he would be home in the next half an hour and then 3 hours later he finally came home. I was so angry and then to top it off he got into bed and started snoring away so I ended up going to our spare room for a decent nights sleep.

It's not long until your birthday then and I'm sure you will have a lovely day and evening celebrating and maybe a few drinks too. Then it will be Christmas and you can celebrate again.

Kate - glad you can still have your scan tomorrow. At least you haven't got to reschedule and then worry about it until your appointment. I can't believe it takes 4 weeks for your blood test results to come back (especially something so important).

I have my works party this Friday. Not sure I can manage another one like Friday but looking forward to a few drinks none the less. Might as well make the most of it all whilst I can.

Sadly my director at works wife has suffered a 3 miscarriage this year. They are going to have some tests done but I actually said to him maybe it's worth a little break before you try again. I even told him that my last period felt much more normal than my ones before that and whilst you might mentally feel ready your body just isn't. Probably TMI but I think once you open up about these things you want to say what you can to help.

Keep me posted tomorrow Kate as I'll be thinking about you.

Love and hugs xx

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 9:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

Well the scan showed all reproductive organs look normal and fine after everything so that's something at least and some good news! Just got to wait for this biopsy result now and hope that's ok, fingers crossed! Hope you're both ok. X x

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 10:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

Hi Kate,

That's great news and a good start. Hopefully won't be long until you have the biopsy results too then. I had another acupuncture session last night. It went well, I was discussing with her how I always get pain on my right hand side when I ovulate and never the left and she said it could be scar tissue. That's the side that had my ectopic so always worries me that something isn't right.

Keep me posted with the biopsy results won't you. Xx

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 9:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

These pains and pulls are really worrying aren't they. Would having a scan yourself to check all is ok inside put your mind at rest? If so, maybe your GP could send you for one too? Well my bleeding has stopped after the biopsy, finally! I'm expecting my period in a few days so I'll back to bleeding again, ha! hopefully this kind of thing doesn't mess the cycle up too much! Then I was thinking of giving my body a good few months break after this and let it heal before even thinking about trying to conceive again! X x

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 10:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

Hi Kate,

I've had my tubes and ovaries checked when I've had the miscarriage and ectopic and they seem to think they look fine and are all clear. It's odd it's just one side and not the other. Sounds very sensible to have a break once you have had your period and let your body get back to normal. Hopefully after a few cycles you will feel better and feel your normal self again and I am sure 2017 is going to be a better year for us. Xx

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