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Heart is broken...

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Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 8:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

Thank you Toni, I'm ok, I'm hanging in there, found this one so difficult as it's arms and legs were beginning to form, it's so sad! But I'm determined and like you say Nicola and I will get there! I just want to be tested for everything now so i know I've done all i can for next time, fingers crossed!

So glad you had a lovely break in Wales.

I'm glad i have you girls for support, noone around me understands, apart from my husband who has been my rock as have you girls, people around me don't know what it's like which makes it harder so i don't bother saying anything anymore.

Nicola, hope you've had a lovely spa time! X x

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 9:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

Hi Toni,

Glad you had a good time in Wales and I bet your boyfriend is so pleased you all got to go. It's sad about his Mum - my grandad had dementia for the last 9 years of his life and it's horrible seeing someone like that. My Mum said she felt she lost her Dad before that happened as he just wasn't the same anymore.

My neck is much better now. I rested it over the weekend and I had acupuncture on Tuesday and that has helped it. I feel back to normal now.

I can't believe Arielle is 5 months old already?! It seems like yesterday I was checking my updates on her to see if she had arrived. It will be you next Butterfly1.

Kate - my spa was lovely! I had a 50 minute treatment (massage and Indian head massage) followed by an hour or so using all the herbal chambers, steam rooms and suanas. We then had afternoon tea and I opened a bottle of prosecco when we got home which I shared with my husband so an indulgent day but worth it. I am off for a run this morning to make myself feel better though and I'm going to view a house this afternoon as we are looking to sell ours and move. A new focus is what we need and it's been on our agenda for a while and Spring is always a good time to see your house so fingers crossed for today. Have you got much planned for the weekend?

Xx

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 8:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

So glad you had a lovely time, good luck with the house viewing! I love an Indian head massage, and prosecco to finish it off, perfect! Let us know how you get on with the house viewing. I'm keen to get back into some fitness, i used to belong to a running group, think i might start that up again, it's just getting my motivation back, I'm still feeling fairly drained from everything, but i must give myself a good talking to and do it!

My husband is working today but I'm meeting up with his mum for lunch and coffee, we're quite close, closer than i am with my own mum actually! X x

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 9:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

I love running as I just find it's such a good way to turn off from everything and you really can just forget things for a little while. I was also part of a running group a few years ago and ran the London marathon twice, I can't run much more than about 4 miles now but I don't really have any desire too. It's more just for general fitness and I try and do a class or two a week at my gym but with all the pregnancies I've got out of a routine because I was worried I was doing too much so stopped them each time I found out and then going back 4-6 weeks later is touch.

Hope you enjoy your lunch - it's nice you are close to your husbands Mum and will do you good getting out for a bit.

Our viewing is at 4 so I'll let you know how the goes xx

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 8:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

Yes, we're very lucky to have her, she knows what it's like too going through losses. she had a lot when she was younger including a still birth at 6 months, but she had 4 children in the end so things do work out! So there's still hope for us both yet!

I'm exactly the same, i stop all forms of exercise incase i bring on a miscarriage, ridiculous really as the baby is either going to make it or not. I know what you mean,i struggle when i start running again but now is a good time to get my body back into shape whilst TTC is on hold, hopefully make my body stronger, i say this everytime and doesn't seem to make a blind bit of difference to the outcome, but it will make me feel good mentally if nothing else! Just got to find my get up and go!

We had a lovely lunch at this bistro, i had a med veg and halluomi cheese panini, one of my favourites!

Good luck with the viewing! X x

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 9:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

Oh wow so she can really relate then. It's nice to know she has had a positive outcome and must really help you stay positive. I can't even imagine what a still birth would be like but you have to be incredibly strong to come out the other side of that.

Your lunch sounds amazing!!

Our house vowing sadly didn't happen. Apparently the estate agent hadn't actually got the vendors permission to show us around and called to tell us this afternoon so we are hoping to go in the week now instead. Such a shame as I was so excited to go but we've spent the afternoon tidying things here ready to get ours on the market.

I'm starting to believe that it doesn't matter what you do or who you tell as the outcome isn't going to change. It is what it is. Can't even imagine what I'll feel like next time around but I'm not going to think about that. Xx

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 8:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

My mother in law said the still birth really messed her up, it must have been awful, and she said even now she always thinks about it, i think she had a thyroid problem which caused it. She said to me even if your thyroid is off just a little bit the baby won't survive, it's a wonder really how any of us are born! She keeps telling me to get this specialist to check my thyroid which i think he probably will if the testing you've had is anything to go by!


That's a shame about the viewing, but you've had a productive tidy up, we could do with doing that really, the amount of stuff we keep which we don't really need is incredible!

I know what you mean, i think I'll just be like oh well this is going to be short lived, we'll probably get so laid back about it in the end, which will probably help, as we've seen it all strong pregnancy tests, heartbeats etc. X x

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 9:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

Interesting you mentioned about the thyroid as a colleague at works wife lost 3 pregnancies last year and they have found out she has a low thyroid function which is now being treated, they are trying again so only time will tell if that's been their issue all along. I've had a thyroid test with my first round of bloods but all came back fine. I worry it's just a broad range with the NHS though that even if I was the lower or higher end it could be an issue but they seem to think not.

I'm off for breakfast with a friend this morning and I'm sure she's going to [heck] me she's pregnant. You just get a feeling don't you.

I'm walking there and back to get some steps in and earn my breakfast but after that I'm having a sofa afternoon and I've brought pick and mix (naughty I know).

My husband said to me yesterday maybe next time around we just tell people if they ask and say yes we are but we don't want to talk about it or get excited as a few friends ask when they see us (which I like) some people don't mention it anymore and it makes me sad but I think it's just they don't know what to say and obviously don't want to upset us.

I'm just not thinking about it at the moment now and you know what it's actually really nice. Xx

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 8:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

Enjoy your breakfast, and the pick n mix, a bit of naughty does you good!! I'm cooking a nice roast dinner later think I'll do some cauliflower cheese! I know what you mean, i keep thinking who's going to be next to announce they're pregnant!

I think you're right about the NHS broad spectrum of what's normal and what isn't, i sometimes think when they've called me to tell me results or something that they're not really giving me the honest truth as they can't be bothered to continue their input, will be interesting to see what my bloods say after i see this specialist. It seems like the thyroid has a lot to answer for then! I hope things work out for them.

I'm with you on that, not thinking about it either, going to enjoy not worrying about being pregnant whilst I'm waiting for my blood tests! Apparently this specialist gets really angry if you fall pregnant before seeing him as he says it's too late if there is a problem! X x

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 9:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

Breakfast was lovely although I'm so full now but I'm nibbling pick and mix :lol: I'll have to have a good week this week to make up for it.

Our letter from the hospital said we if we fall pregnant before our appointment at RMC to call and tell them and they cancel the appointment and basically it's to the back of the queue if things don't work out. So frustrating but then i can't keep going through losses again and again and it's seems to only take us a few months to fall pregnant each time so that's clearly not an issue. They say they may have to start treatment subsequent to you being pregnant so it makes sense. I think thyroid etc they like to get inder control beforehand.

Mmmm I love a Sunday dinner. Don't have it often enough as my husband isn't keen on it but I usually do one for Easter Sunday and if we go out on a Sunday I'll have one. Cauliflower cheese is my favourite :D

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 8:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

We are the same, touch wood that's the case when we start trying again! I suppose in the big scheme of things it's only a few months to wait, and like you say I'd rather wait and check everything rather than going through loss after loss, and infact the losses are what takes a huge chunk of the time, as everytime you have to start from scratch again after so many weeks of being pregnant so i might as well be patient for a couple of months or so.

That's exactly what this specialist said, first the testing, then results then he might start me on some treatment prior to conceiving and during a pregnancy, so it would be silly to fall pregnant beforehand.

We've just finished our roast, I'm stuffed, we like to have it fairly early otherwise you feel uncomfortable if you eat it too late. Cauli cheese is my favourite too! Enjoy your pick and mix! X x

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 9:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

How you getting on this week Kate?

Butterfly1 - not heard from you for a while how are things? Have you finished work now? Xx

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 8:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

I'm ok thank you, feeling a bit better as the weeks go on. How are you? X x

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 9:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

Yeah I'm ok thanks. Can't believe I'm only two weeks on from the blood tests though and have another 10 to wait. It's all so frustrating! Still haven't had a call from the estate agent about viewing this house either so I feel like it's just not meant to be. Xx

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 8:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

It is frustrating, feels like you're wishing your life away all the time doesn't it! Normally we wouldn't blink an eye with a few months passing by, but this waiting is torture, sometimes i wish i could just take my own blood and test it! On the 28th of march last year Was when i first found out i was pregnant with my PUL, the first of my 3 losses, can't believe how much has happened in nearly a year!

I hope they contact you about the house and if not i hope something else comes along! X x

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 9:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

It's crazy isn't it. I found out on 10th February so I've been very similar to you with 3 loses in that time and we seem to have had similar circumstances with the PUL, early loss and then a later lose after seeing a heartbeat.

I'm trying to fill my weekend with lots of nice plans so that I always have something to look forward to each week.

I hope the next year is a much better one for us and when we look back over this year things have finally gone right for us. Xx

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 8:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

Yes we have had similar experiences, that means we should also share our 9 months of pregnancy together too, and share the good times together! WE WILL GET THERE! Our children will get sick of us going on about 'you don't know what we went through to have you'

That's all we can do is stay focused on positive things, if only we had a crystal ball to see when it's going to be our time! X x

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 9:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

Yes we should! It's got to be our turn now! If only we knew how soon that would be. Least we know we are doing all we can in the meantime.

I've been off Facebook now for about 3 weeks and that's really helped as I just don't see the endless pregnancy announcements etc. Feeling so much better for it. Xx

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 8:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

I can't do Facebook either, given up on it, it's not helpful! We are doing everything we can so that's a positive step forward. X x

Butterfly1
Posts: 115
Joined: Thu Jun 02, 2016 5:13 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Butterfly1 »

Hi Ladies,

I hope you are all ok.

You BOTH WILL have your happy ending - that I am certain and I cant wait to read all about it. This WILL be a better year. The waiting for blood tests, appointments and results must feel like torture but keeping busy at weekends sounds like a good plan.

I cant believe the estate agents have not got back to you yet Nicola. Moving is exciting but can be stressful too!!

Thank you Nicola. I finished work last Friday- exactly a year to the day after having Methotrexate - and my amazing colleagues surprised me with a baby shower so it was an emotional day. I'm 37 weeks today and feeling both excited and scared !

Take care everyone xx

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