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Heart is broken...

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princess pink
Posts: 896
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2015 12:47 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by princess pink »

Hey girls,

Kate thank you so much for ur kind words. That is so lovely of u to say n it makes me happy if I can be of any help to u and Nicola.

I know my life is at a different stage to u both at the moment but I know one day we all be comparing talking about our babies n the stages they are in in their lives. I'd like to be able to meet with u girls one day n I gaureentee we will all have healthy bundles then.

Thank u Nicola and Kate... im still using the gel. .. I think it helps a bit but I'm still in a lot of pain. I have my next check up appointment on Monday is the 6 wks check up appointment.

I'm really hoping to recover soon coz it makes it hard for me to feel confident to go further than to the local shops or doctors. I'd like to get a train to meet my twin sister nearer to where she lives to meet her n my niece on Friday but the pan puts me off.

I too can't believe how near xmas is. Im not a big fan of it but want to make the effort for Arielle this yr n my bf loves it as comes from a christmasy family.

Nicola I agree with u in not testing over Xmas is a good idea so u can focus on enjoying xmas. The later u test is def better in a way.

I always thought how i would rather of not found out til I was nearly 12 wks... to save all the worrying leading up to it.

Kate that is good news about ur scan appointment. .. il keep my fingers crossed for you that u get good results back. Its good yr being tested before Xmas so hopefully u can get the all clear n enjoy Xmas n start ttc as soon as u are ready to.

Thanks girls... I never heard from my lil sister but im trying to not dwell on it n Nicola ur right. . Im trying to put my energy into looking after Arielle n getting better.

I'm sorry to hear u haven't slept good this week Nicola... I know the feeling I feel so drained n tired n find it hard to get simple every day things done. But I know it be easier in time wen im healed n I think it be easier to look online for Xmas presents this year.

It's my bf 40th birthday next week sat 3rd December too same day as my brothers. Im trying to think what to buy him for his present but don't know what to get. I wanted to get something hel really like like Michael Mckintryre tickets but there's none on sale at the moment.

I hope u girls are ok n having a good day. X x

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 9:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

You're right, got to think I've done all I can for next time, which I'm hoping there will be a next time!

It's so weird when I lost the first one I was desperate to be pregnant again but after the second loss I'm really not even remotely interested in becoming pregnant at the moment, I'm so scared about it all now. Going through two losses was enough so petrified of a third!

Hope you get a better night sleep tonight Nicola, the trouble is there's always so much going on, it's hard to close your mind off sometimes from it all! X x

Hope your appointment goes ok Toni, let us know. I love Michael mckintyre, so funny! Sounds like a brilliant present! X x

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 10:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

Hi Toni,

I hope your check up goes ok on Monday and hopefully things start to get better. I can't say I know how long it takes to recover after pregnancy but I'm sure you shouldn't still be struggling now, I guess you just have to listen to the doctors though as they know what is right and what isn't.

Micheal Makintyre would be good -it's a shame there isn't any tickets about for that. I'm sure your boyfriend won't expect much from you - you give given him a child :D

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 10:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

Opppps I hit sent my accident.

It would be lovely to all meet up one day wouldn't it with all our babies in tow. I hope I can look back on this time and appreciate it was part of my journey. When you can see the bigger picture it's much easier than when you are still going though it.

It will be lovely when you are celebrating in Christmas Day as you can look back and think how you so wanted to be pregnant last year and now you have your beautiful little girl in your arms this year. I am sure it will be the same for Kate and I next Christmas.

Let us know how Monday goes won't you?

Kate - I've not been sleeping much better to be honest, don't know what it is and I am not worrying about anything.

I had my second acupuncture session last night which was good. I told her I was feeling tired and she said maybe I was doing too much (I've changed my workout routine) so maybe it's that. Going to take it easier in the run up to Xmas I think but I enjoy working out. It's a natural stress reliever.

I told my husband last night that when it does happen next time I don't want an early scan and he fully understood so I'll just be going for my 12 week one as any normal pregnant lady would. Hopefully I won't find out until about 10 weeks anyway :D

Hope you both have lovely weekends and talk to you soon.

Xx

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 9:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

Ladies, things are still not good for me. My Dr phoned me yesterday and wanted me to go and see her, I've got to go for a colposcopy due to my recent abnormal bleeding which I'm still having, which is something I've never had before, she said I need biopsies taken to rule out cervical cancer.

I doubt very much it will be that, but this bleeding is worrying her with my lower back pain and as I said it's very unusual for me, I never have bleeding in between periods etc. I'm just hoping it's down to the amount of times I've been prodded and poked around with this year which may have caused it, who knows! Just keeping level headed about it just have to wait and see.

Hope you're all ok. X x

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 10:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

Hi Kate,

I am really sorry to hear this, what a worry this must be for you now. When are you going in for the colonoscopy?! I am sure you like you say it's nothing to worry about and it's more a precaution. It can take a while for things to settle down after a trauma so hopefully it's just something like that and nothing more with that but it's important you get checked and treated. Just seems one thing after another doesn't it.

I have felt awful today, really sick and wiped out. I'm hoping I'm not getting a bug as lots of people have been off sick at my work. I am off to winter wonderland next weekend and it's one of my favourite weekends of the year so don't want to be poorly for that.

Stay positive Kate and keep us posted. We are always here. Xx

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 9:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

I'm the same, just think it's probably due to thst procedure I had to remove the pregnancy in August, but as you say best to get it checked out. Dr said within the next couple of weeks for the colposcopy, so should have that and my scan done before Xmas.

Hope you feel better soon, lots of bugs going around at the moment. The winter wonderland sounds amazing! Wish we could come! X x

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 10:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

Well let me know when you get a date through, hopefully it's sooner rather than later as you want all that done and dusted before Christmas.

I'm feeling much better today so thinking it was just a one day thing. I have a flu vaccination at work this afternoon so at least there's no worth I will get that.

Take care xx

princess pink
Posts: 896
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2015 12:47 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by princess pink »

Hi Ladies,

Nicola I hope ucupuncture seasons are still helping u. Uts a good idea to calm down on ur workouts if ur over doing things. It's great ur working out but u don't want to wear urself out too much.

I don't blame u in only wanting to have a 12 wks scan for ur next pregnancy. Coz early scans are so nerve racking n can't change anything. They can be reassuring of course in the lead up to ur 12 wk scan but they are so scary to go to after loses so I understand why u don't want them.
I hope ur taking it more easy n feel less tired.

Kate I'm so sorry to hear u need to have a colposcopy done. .. I really hope its nothing serious wrong with u and I too feel hopeful that u are having bleeding still coz of everything ur body has been through. Its good they are checking u to rule everything out n I understand its a worry for u... but try to take a day at a time n think positive.
I'm praying for u that all will be ok. I really hope u are having it done n the scan before Christmas time so it be out the way n then u can get to have ur mind put at ease n then u can enjoy ur Christmas.
I know it's hard but I hope u can try to stay positive that all is ok n I think it's good they are trying to do all they can to get to the bottom of this.
I am so sorry ur going through all this ectra worry. Of course they have to rule things out but I'm hopeful n sure all is ok with u. Il pray for u ;) In the meanwhile make sure u are getting enough rest n eating n drinking as well as u can.

Nicola I hope u feel better n u get to go to ur winter wonderland next week.
Iv been before and I loved going there ;)


My appointment on Monday went well thanks girls, in the sense of the doctor examined me n said I look like I'm healing well n my swabs from last week come back clear but she said I still look sore n inflamed. She told me to keep using the anesthetic gel twice a day that iv been using n she's given me another pain relief gel to apply once a day in between using the other gel.

She told me to go back to the docs if I'm still in pain in two weeks time. So it's a relief to be told I'm healing well but frustrating to be still in pain 6&half wks after giving birth and still worrying for me because of it. I guess we all heal differently and nerve pain takes longer to heal... compared to the 6 wks they tell u it takes to heal after a birth n I guess not everyone gets cut to help them give birth.

The doctor was nice though n asked how I was n how I was coping n stuff n she gave me advice re feeding n stuff n checked my baby's rash which was nothing to worry about she said.

Yea Michael Mckintyre tickets would of been a great birthday present for my bf. We both love him, but there's none on sale coz he's got no tour dates yet.
I just got my bf a grey jumper from Burton that he'd like n a mans links set n some sweets he loves n im going to get a picture of Arielle printed on a cup or tshirt n I got him a dad mug from her and a daddy bday card from her too. His present isn't exciting but I didn't know what to get n il try get something else but I don't know what.... I'm running out of time coz his birthday is on Saturday n its his big 40th. .. so I wanted to get him something special but ur right Nicola... when iv asked him he does say don't worry re present coz uv given me Arielle is the best present. It's sweet of him to say but I still want him to have something to open on his special day. Iv got him a 40 birthday banner too n of course a card.

Yeah ur right Nicola about Christmas day I will be able to look back n see how much things have changed in a yr n how lucky I now am to have my baby girl. I clearly remember last yr Christmas n I do believe next Christmas will be the same for u and Kate ;) Next Christmas u n Kate will both be holding ur own healthy babies in ur arms or ul both be healthy preg ;) I'm positive about that ;)

You are right Nicola this is ur journey. .. I don't know why we have to go through so much heartache n pain and loss before we get our happy ending. ... I guess it's so we'll appreciate it more.

I've got my twin sis n two yr old niece visiting in the afternoon... will be great to see them as I usually see them every week but its been 3 wks coz my sus been busy n then ill.

I'm sending you both hugs n I'm praying for you Kate to be ok.

I'm always here for u both ;)

Toni x x x

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 10:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

Hi Toni,

I'm glad things went ok at the doctors and it's could that things seem to be healing, even if it's not as quickly as you would like.

I had my third acupuncture yesterday and she said next week she can do lots as she wants to make sure there's no risk of me being pregnant (which I'm pretty sure I'm not) will see how I feel after next week and she is going to recommend some herbs that I can take too so will see what she says.

I'm feeling much better now and had the flu jab on Monday so that should ward off anything too bad - I can't be ill for the weekend as I am too excited for winter wonderland.

It sounds like you have lots of nice presents for your boyfriend though. My husband never wants anything for Christmas so I usually book us a weekend away for February and pay for that - it's nice as we still have something to look forward to after Christmas.

I hope you're right about Kate and I having little babies by next Christmas - I know this Christmas will be hard as last year I had no idea what I would go through and I was positive I would have a baby or be very close to having one by Christmas so it's such a shame that all of this has happened but at the moment I am taking it one day at a time.

Hope you are doing ok Kate?


Xxx

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 9:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

Thanks for your kind words both of you! I'm losing my positivity at the moment, everytime i dust myself down and get back up again and try to be positive again something else knocks me down again. My body has not been right since my vacuum d and c, i really hope they haven't caused me any permanent damage, I am losing hope, I really am, I'm so drained of going through one procedure to the next, sorry girls for being on a downer, I feel so sad and don't know how to feel better about all of this.

Glad the acupuncture is helping Nicola and Toni, it's good to hear you're healing slowly. X x

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 10:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

Hi Kate,

I know how you feel, I'm the same as some days I am so positive and feel fine and other days I get upset with it all. Today hasn't been a good day - my period arrived and there was part of me hoping that it wouldn't and I might be pregnant again. No such luck. I want to be but then I am so scared of being pregnant again.

I will be enjoying lots of fizz now over December and I've decided not to try this month as I don't want to be thinking what if between Xmas and New Year instead of enjoying myself properly.

Have you had a date through from the doctors yet? I hope they don't keep you waiting too long. Xx

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 9:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

Oh Nicola, I'm sorry you're feeling down too, wish we could have a good cry and a hug together, wish I could make you feel better, i hope the winter wonderland weekend you have coming up will make you feel better, sounds magical!

No date through yet for the colposcopy, cornwall are always so behind with everything, but got that scan soon on the 13th, happy xmas, hey! Ha!

I'm the same just going to enjoy lots of fizz too! Maybe the break next month from trying will do you some good and you can just enjoy xmas and new year without worrying as you say. Hope you're ok. X x

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 10:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

Hi Kate,

How are you feeling?! I've had a lovely weekend and feeling very festive now. I'm finding December quite difficult - I think it's because we started trying a year ago and I was expecting to have a baby or be heavily pregnant. I said to someone at work I had been married 10 months the other day and they said and you aren't pregnant yet?! I didn't really know how to respond so just said hopefully soon but then I thought I should have said we'll actually I've had two losses so maybe third time lucky but you just don't at the time do you.

I've got to call for my blood results tomorrow too so will let you know how I get on with that.

Hope you have both had a good weekend ladies. Xx

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 9:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

Glad to hear your winter wonderland weekend has cheered you up a bit! I know the feeling, my due date for my ectopic is the 7th of December, so I know how you feel, it's all very sad.

Do you know what, I think people need to think sometimes before they open their mouths, this awful experience has really made me think and to be considerate and to not say such things as who knows what problems other people are going through. It will be your time soon Nicola, and hopefully mine too! We just need to focus on our lovely husbands and families and enjoy xmas with them, as we deserve to have a nice time and then onto hopefully a new year filled with luck!

Good luck with your results and let me know how you get on.

Sending lots of love. X x

princess pink
Posts: 896
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2015 12:47 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by princess pink »

Hey girls,

Thank u Nicola and Kate both for ur kind words ;) Yeah it's good to be told by doctor I'm healing well. I just hope ut hurrys up n I look forward to the day I feel no pain. My doctor told me to go back there if I'm still suffering in 2 wks time....

Nicola I'm pleased to hear ur acupuncture session went well n ut sounds positive about what ul be having done for ur next session.

Thanks. .... my bf did like his presents from me n Arielle... even if I kept saying sorry they are not exciting. .. he said don't worry that he liked them. We just stayed home on his birthday in sat n I coked him a breakfast n a curry for dinner. We tried to watch a movie but both fell asleep through it n it was only midnight but we both were tired.

Nicola that sounds like a great idea how u take ur hubby away for Christmas presents.

Yea I am definitely positive n hopefull about urs n kates life's being so different next Xmas. .. being a baby in ur arns or a bump ;) I guess its a lot easier for me to be more positive for u both than it is for u to.

I understand Christmas will be hard for u... I hope u will still be able to enjoy it with ur husvands n family n have hope that ur lil bundles of joy are still coming to u soon wen they are meant to ;)

Kate I'm so sorry ur feeling so down about everything. U don't need to apologise about anything. It's good u can express how u feel n it's normal how u feel. I really hope uv had no damage from ur d & c. I had a d& c after my first oreg loss n I remember it took me a long time to feel myself again. . In fact when I got pregnant again 3 months later I felt I was still healing then but tried to get pregnant again so quickly after to help me deal with it all.

Its good the docs are keeping a close eye on u n I hope ur going to be ok.

Nicola.its normal u have more positive days than others. I'm so sorry to hear u got u period this month. I completely get why u don't want to try for December month so u can concentrate on enjoying xmas.

I'm so sorry u are both feeling down n understand how this month being extra hard for u both.

Nicola some people don't think before they speak is annoying n hurtful.
I use to get people say to me oh so u didn't want check children then?! Coz of ny age and id think u don't know the half of it but it is thoughtless n hurtful for others to make stupid comments.

Nicola how did u get on with ur blood test results? I hope the results were good ;)
I'm glad to hear u enjoyed Winter Wonderland ;)

Kate I'm sorry to hear ur would of been due date is Dec 7th.. I Understand how hard that will be. I hope u take some time out on that day with ur husband to spend some quality time together n mayb saying a little prayer for ur lost one or even lighting a candle too will help u. That is what I find has given me a bit of comfort on my would of been due dates.

I hope u n Nicola are both able to enjoy ur Christmas still with ur loving families n never give up hope.

My twin sis tried to get me the most loveliest n thoughtful present for Arielle for Christmas.

She showed me a pic of one. Basically she ordered it for me in April after I had my 12 wks scan done.
It is a big rainbow coloured teddy n it has all Arielle's birth details on it.

She wanted it to be a birth gift for Arielle. .. but coz she's been waiting so long for it she was going to give it as a Christmas present instead.

The teddy was meant to welcome Arielle into the world n represent that she's a rainbow baby n to show me that my sis wasn't forgetting the two siblings that Arielle lost n to show what a miracle she is.

My sister showed me a pic of the teddy coz unfortunately it doesn't look like shel get it coz the lady who's making them whom she found online has ignored my sisters emails n she's already got my sisters money. She has since sent my sis an email explaining how her marriage is over n so she has had a break down which is sad but no excuse to rob my sisters money as now she's ignoring her emails.

My sister thought this woman was trustworthy coz she found her online through facebook n the lady made a lion teddy for my sis two yrs ago wen my baby niece was born. So she didn't think she'd rip her off.

My sister keeps apologising to me about it. I told her im just sorry she's been ripped off n its the lovliest gift.
Its just a shame what has happened n I hope that lady gets a conscious n still makes n sends the teddy or if not has the decency to refund my sis.

I hope ur blood results come back ok today Nicola.

I hope u both Nicola and Kate are ok n I'm sending u both hugs n I'm always hoping n praying for u both n im sending u lotsa baby dust to come to u. Which it will do for the right time.

Toni x x x

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 9:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

Toni, I hope that you continue on the road to recovery. Yum, curry for a birthday meal, good choice, my favourite! Sounds like your boyfriend had a lovely time. That is a good idea for my due date, going to light a candle, and music has so much meaning for me, so I will probably sing a song too which means something to me, in private though of course! I love singing! That present from your sister sounds so perfect, so sad that lady has done that when she must also know how much meaning it would have for you to receive it, such a shame, I hope she finds it in her heart to do the right thing.

God girls, I'm an absolute wreck at the moment, i have thrush, probably from all the antibiotics I've taken and i have a horrible stye on my eye, really sore, my body must be seriously low in immunity at the moment. I am rolling from one health complaint to another, my body has really struggled to get right after this second loss, never mind I'll get there! I've ordered these vitamins which puts billions of good bacteria into the body, they were pricey but got excellent reviews, hopefully they will stop me from picking things up! Looking forward to a nice xmas break soon!

Nicola, am thinking of you, hope your blood results are all clear, let us know.

Sending love to both you and Toni. X x

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 10:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

Hi Both,

Good news - my blood tests have all come back clear which is good, although part of me did think of they find something then at least I'll be fixed for next time around. I'm not sure what the next steps are really - I guess try again and hope for the best next time around. If it happens again I don't know what the next steps will be.

Kate - I'll be thinking of you on Wednesday. I think lighting a candle and singing a song is a lovely idea. I never had a due date with my ectopic as it all happened so quickly but with the miscarriage it's April and I know I want to light a candle and I know it will be so much more difficult if I'm not pregnant again. I can't think about it too much though as it stresses me.

I have heard taking something like an actimal is good to help the hood bacteria grow. Thursh is horrible though so hope you get it sorted. I usually get it after I've had antibiotics.

Have you got much time off over Christmas to recover a little and relax?! I hope so.

Toni - I'm glad your partner enjoyed his birthday and I think it's nice that you cooked for him too.

What a thoughtful gift from your sister too. I can't believe someone would take her money and not refund her if she can't make it. It's just not fair, I hope you get it in the end.

I know Kate and I will have our rainbows soon. I keep thinking of the saying you can't have a rainbow without a little rain. I know it's true, I just feel like Kate and I are having a thunderstorm instead.

How are you finding being a Mum?! Has it come easy or is it taking some getting used to?! Are you planning to go back to work or will you be a stay at home Mum?!

Kate - I am thinking of you and I hope our babies have found each other in heaven and have become friends.

Speak soon xx

Keeponhoping
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri May 13, 2016 9:40 am

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Keeponhoping »

Oh god Nicola, you've done it now with that last bit of your post, I'm in floods of tears, doesn't take much at the moment! What a lovely thing to say!

I know what you mean, my sister had her second baby in August but felt ok about it as I was pregnant at the same time with my second pregnancy, little did I know it was going to be short lived! It makes me a bit bitter as she smoked through both of her pregnancies and gets two babies, I look after myself and get nowhere! I really try not to be resentful but its hard! We are both obviously conceiving babies which are too good for this world, I just hope at some point the next ones stick around and get to meet their mums as these babies are missing out on so much love!

Thrush is so horrible, the itching and soreness, very attractive, ha! I've taken the one off tablet which seems to be helping, thank goodness, my poor eye is sore too, got this horrible red lump on it, again very attractive!

I wish I could tell you about this piece of music I love, it's a piano piece instrumental only but its meaning is to have loved and lost something and it's such a beautiful piece of music, I find real comfort in this and thought you might too but we aren't allowed to advertise info on here are we? I will play this on Wednesday in memory.

Good news about your blood tests, at least that's something ruled out, will they do any other testing? X x

Nicola1720
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 10:11 pm

Re: Heart is broken...

Post by Nicola1720 »

Hi Kate,

I know what you mean about being emotional. I get upset so much more easily than I used to.

Some friends of ours have just started trying for a baby and they are both heavy smokers and they drink a lot too and I said to my husband I don't begrudge them having a baby at all but if it comes easily to them then I won't be happy. It's just not fair!! I am the same in the fact that I eat well, I exercise regularly and sometimes I think why do I bother?!

I would love to listen to the music, I'm not sure if we are allowed though. Maybe you could send me a private message as I think that comes through on email?!

I think that's it with the testing now, they have said they will send me some details if a scratch trial that I may be able to take part in. It sounds good but they want to do scans every 2 weeks and I'm not sure that's the route I want to go down next time so I need to look at all the information and decide.

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow and I hope one day we can look back on these due dates with our little ones and realise there was a reason behind it all.

Really hope the infections clear up for you too. Hopefully the vitamins you are starting will give you a helping hand with that.

Speak soon xx

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