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Really struggling post ectopic

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Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Mar 31, 2020 8:23 pm

Really struggling post ectopic

Post by KGardner1 »

Morning all,

I'm really sorry if this is going to make people feel worse, it's the last thing i want to do, i just feel like I have no where to turn and I am really struggling.
It's been 7 weeks today since I had my op, one of my best friends told me she was pregnant last Monday and it has thrown me off sorts completely. I am sick with jealousy, but so so happy for her. I feel like a horrible person feeling so jealous, it has absolutely no reflection on her at all. I didn't think i would be one of those people who would be jealous and i feel so guilty for feeling this way but i just can't stop that pang and tightness in my belly. I cried all day Monday after she told me. I had also received the letter from hospital confirming my histology results and I now know they will be cremating and scattering the ashes at the local crematorium. I can't get this out of my head, i feel heart broken all over again and i thought i was doing well.
I don't feel like i can talk to anyone about it because the whole world is in uproar and everybody has their own problems. I feel selfish for feeling this way because i am not the only person and this has only happened to me once. Maybe i need someone to just tell me to get over it and move on? I don't know what i need or how i feel other than utterly devastated and so so sad.
Does anyone feel the same? Does anyone have any words of wisdom to help me through?
I'm sorry if i've upset anyone by writing this, i just need some help xxx

Posts: 39
Joined: Wed Jul 31, 2019 11:32 am

Re: Really struggling post ectopic

Post by Kayjayleo »

Hey, I had my second ectopic and my best friend was 8momths pregnant at the time x it was really difficult to manage my feelings especially as I had lost my fertility also. We have been friends for 30yrs ... she even felt awkward aswell but we spoke openly about it. The day she gave birth I was in the gym, I was still grieving as only been 8wks post operation. It stopped me in my tracks and I sat on the bench in the middle of a busy gym and just cried. Seeing her beautiful baby and all those feelings , jumbled up ...
I had to go home xx
She never knew I did that but she was very respectful of my feelings and I love her little
Girl like my own xx it will get better I promise

EPT Host 20
Posts: 1791
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 9:58 pm

Re: Really struggling post ectopic

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear KGardner1,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

We hear from many women who struggle with news about pregnancy from their friends and families. This is very normal and I was the same after my loss. When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It's what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space and please protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us "bad" people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful. Please do be gentle with yourself, allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally.

We will be here for you for as long as you need,
Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x

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