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Emotions after ectopic

This is a welcoming place for you to ask your questions and share your knowledge and experiences of ectopic pregnancy.
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Floops39
Posts: 4
Joined: Sat May 30, 2020 5:22 am

Emotions after ectopic

Post by Floops39 »

I went back to work yesterday which was 3 weeks following my ectopic. Physically I’m doing okay just get tired still very easily and if I stretch too far or move too quick my tummy hurts a little which I think is normal. Mentally I thought I was coping. But since going back to work yesterday I’ve pretty much been crying non-stop. I keep thinking and feeling a lot of guilt, having flashbacks to being in hospital and following the surgery. And just struggling in general following the loss, a lot of ‘why me?’ Thoughts. I feel like I was doing okay mentally when I was off work but now I’m back I’m really struggling but can’t understand why? As I’m busier now than the last three weeks so at least have things to occupy my mind. I guess I feel like everything is going ‘back to normal’ and I’m not ready to. Part of me feels like I should take more time off work but I feel like any more time off would be too much. Not really sure the point of this post but I have some talking therapy booked in for two weeks time so hopefully that will help.

L1987
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Jun 17, 2020 4:34 am

Re: Emotions after ectopic

Post by L1987 »

Hello Floops39. First off I want to say I am so sorry for what you went through. I wanted to reply because I am going through a similar feeling which was my reason for joining this forum. Last week I had a very traumatic incident when my ectopic pregnancy ruptured. Suffice it to say that I am at home and healing, but the doctors said I am lucky to be alive. I had a follow up appointment today that showed everything is healing nicely and my hemoglobin is regenerating very quickly. I should be happy about this but I feel like my body is healing faster than my mind. And it’s like once my body is healed it means I have to go back to life as normal, as though I didn’t just have a life-altering near-death experience. I am supposed to be going back to work in a few days and I really don’t feel ready, but I don’t know when that will change. I can’t just take months off of work. Anyway I’m sorry that I’m not offering any words of advice, but maybe it can offer you some comfort to know that your feelings are valid and you are not alone!

Sanwars2206
Posts: 35
Joined: Mon May 25, 2020 10:14 am

Re: Emotions after ectopic

Post by Sanwars2206 »

Hi Floops39

I understand what you’re going through.
This was my 2nd ectopic & it resulted in surgery with the removal of my left tube.
Physically I had 3 weeks off work. Due to Coronavirus I am working from home anyway. I didn’t tell anyone at work & I have found this easier, I can’t stand the pity eyes. Going back to work hasn’t bothered me.
It’s family & friends that have effected me more & life in general. I hate the stupid questions from people who only ask about me physically & ignore that I’ve lost another baby.
I also feel guilty & down with myself when I seem happy or laugh. It’s like I feel guilty for being ok when I no I’m not really & when I’ve lost another baby.
It’s been 7 weeks now since surgery & I feel like this. There is no time limit on how we feel or when it’ll get better. We’re all different & need our own time. If your not ready take more time do what is best for you x

Kelc09
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Jun 19, 2020 3:25 am

Re: Emotions after ectopic

Post by Kelc09 »

Hey Floops
I think I'm about 2 weeks ahead of you in terms of the healing and grieving process. I went back to work (from home) less than a week after my surgery, mostly because I needed some routine and structure to my day.
But once I was back to work, and especially once I was back to the office, it was so much harder and I felt like I was drowning after about a week in the office.
Between feeling like I needed to put on a brave face and hide my feelings, and my support network stepping back a bit, my emotions were and still are very high.
I just wanted to say you're not alone. We need to give ourselves time to be sad and not force ourselves to heal in a specific time frame.
<3

Archie86
Posts: 9
Joined: Wed May 27, 2020 9:40 pm

Re: Emotions after ectopic

Post by Archie86 »

Morning all,

Just wanted to add my support to how you're all feeling, as I am too feeling the same. I'm 6 weeks, today,post rupture & surgery to remove my right tube & I'm struggling still so much. You are very brave going back to work so soon, I've been signed off since my surgery & do not plan on going back for another week but I am dreading it!

I'm feeling so so sad still, this was my first pregnancy & I didn't even know until I was rushed to hospital. This was a much wanted pregnancy, ttc for over a year, planning in my heart for many years & I just can't get over how cruel my ending was.

I find myself sitting here thinking 'what if' all the time, I know I'm torturing myself but I cannot stop myself. Does anyone else do this?

I'm so sorry we are all in this position, thinking of you x

EPT Host 20
Posts: 1709
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 9:58 pm

Re: Emotions after ectopic

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear ladies,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancies and losses.
Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task. You have also had to process the loss of your baby and been through an immense rollercoaster of emotions - all of this will take time to come to terms with.

You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body's signals and pain and feeling tired are your body's signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.

Surgery is an immense ordeal for the body to go through. In general, after about six weeks you should be able to return to most jobs from a physical point of view. However, if your role involves manual handling, we suggest that it would be sensible to have a phased approach, gently building up to the usual extent of activity. I would suggest avoiding a rapid return to strenuous activities as it is important to build up strength after recovery.
A few options may be available depending on the role: might there be an opportunity to work reduced hours, increasing them slowly over a few weeks? Perhaps there are certain tasks that you could take on which may entail a change from your usual role or a series of reduced tasks initially? I am not sure whether this is appropriate in your circumstances, but is there anything that you could action from home (which may be different from your usual role but still be of use)?
Many women experience pain after surgery and this can be the case weeks or months after the trauma. Pain is the body's sign to rest and it is important to be guided by this and taking it easier if you experience discomfort.
In addition, it is worth bearing in mind that experiencing ectopic pregnancy is a very frightening experience and many women need to take time to help them deal with the psychological/emotional impact of the loss of their baby, being diagnosed with a life-threatening condition and undergoing major surgery. Please speak to your GP about having further time off work if required.

I know that when I had my ectopic pregnancy I also looked for a reason and almost automatically we tend to blame ourselves. From the bottom of my heart, there is nothing you could have done to prevent the ectopic pregnancy from happening. I cannot emphasise enough Floops39, - you are not to blame. Please be kind to yourself and I send you all gentle hugs.
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
**************************************************************************
During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
***************************************************************************

Snowy_19
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Jun 19, 2020 7:32 pm

Re: Emotions after ectopic

Post by Snowy_19 »

Dear Ladies

I am so sorry to read this all. This is my first time on this message board, I thought I could cope alone but I can’t and none of my friends have been through this. It was also my first ever time being pregnant.

I feel like I shouldn’t be allowed to feel down about it as I was booked for a termination and when they couldn’t see anything on the scan I was sent to hospital who confirmed it was ectopic, I was in surgery one hour later and had my left tube removed. I also suffer from endometriosis so pregnancy is not an easy thing for me anyway!

This all happened exactly two weeks ago, I went to my mums to recover and am now back at home with my partner. I go back to work on Monday as I was only signed off for 2 weeks. I am anxious but hoping working will distract me even if it is working from home and not the office!

I feel I am “not allowed” to be upset as I chose a termination before I knew I was ectopic and I convinced myself I didn’t care. But it has all hit me today and I cannot stop crying I can’t even understand why I am upset and explain it to my partner who is so confused.

Also does anyone else feel like pregnancy is all around them?! Your friends, TV, social media even adverts?!! I don’t know if I never noticed it before or if it is everywhere but sometimes it feels like it’s haunting me and I shouldn’t be allowed to feel that or sad because I chose termination first.

My pain isn’t too bad, just notice it when I do too much or get tired! I am exhausted a lot though and it causes me anxiety. Is this normal?

Does this get easier? Because I am really struggling

X

EPT Host 20
Posts: 1709
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 9:58 pm

Re: Emotions after ectopic

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Snowy_19,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and the difficult time you are going through. Whether a pregnancy is planned or not, you have had a rollercoaster of emotions to deal with from finding out you were pregnant, the ordeal of surgery and it's recovery.
You are still entitled to feel all the emotions you are experiencing.
Be kind to yourself and allow time to recover both physically and emotionally from this.
We will be here for you for as long as you need,
Sending much love,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
**************************************************************************
During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
***************************************************************************

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