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Angry and depressed

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Joined: Fri Jun 19, 2020 6:39 pm

Angry and depressed

Post by Diana_0409 »

Hi ladies, reading all of your stories makes me feel like I’m not alone with this. At the moment I feel angry and depressed. Depressed because we’ve been trying over a year, I know that there has been others that have tried longer and I understand how it feels to find out its a negative o test or that every month your period shows up, but I’m angry because I feel like this could have been prevented no not the ectopic pregnancy but the surgery. The the NP wasn’t thorough enough. So here’s my story.

Hi, I’m 34 years old and we’ve been trying. We had ordered the ovulation strips and it came with pregnancy tests as well. We started last year in April and decide to just stop this year. It became enjoyable and more stress so we stopped. At the beginning of May I felt nauseous and took a pregnancy test and it turned negative, the next day I felt the same thinking that the pregnancy strip was bad so I took another and it was negative. So I just thought it was something I ate because it had gone away. May 8th I got what I thought was my period, after over a week I was still bleeding but it was light. I didn’t think any of it until it was another week that passed, so I made an appointment with my OB. I guess she was busy so they had made it with the NP there. I’ve seen her before, so I went in and told her what has been happening that we’ve been trying and nothing so far. She had ruled out me being pregnant because of what I had told her taken 2 tests. So her concern was to why we haven’t gotten pregnant so she suggested me to get my blood work done to check my hormones and also to see how my husbands sperm was. After that I was sent home, still no answer to why I was bleeding. The next day she had called and told me that the blood work was negative that my hormones were fine. So yet still haven’t figured out why I was still bleeding. May 26th I started to get abdominal pain, felt like contractions , in my mind I thought it was my appendix so I had called my sister asked her what her symptoms were because she had hers removed and it wasn’t anything like that. So I made another appointment and she the NP again. May 28th, she suggested to get an ultra sound done and another blood work done. Ultra sound to see what’s going on inside and blood work if my thyroid is off and I had questioned that. I had asked if my thyroid is off it can affect my “cycle” causing me to bleed this long? And she said yes. So I got all the tests done and received a call saying its all negative. In my head I’m wondering what’s going on is it something else, cancer, a hernia. Days pass and the pain is still there and I still have light bleeding, June 2 the pains comes and goes and I’m thinking I should go into urgent care but during this whole covid I just thought its tolerable, I can handle it. Late June 5th 2 am the pain is so unbearable I couldn’t stand or walk, my husband rushes me to the E.R. I had explained everything that has been happening to the Doctor and nurse. They then have me take a pregnancy test and sends me to get an ultra sound done. As I’m laying their my nerves kicks in, the Doctor comes in and hands a note to the technician. She wheels me back into my room where the doctor comes in and tells me the news. That I was pregnant and that they were waiting for my results from the ultra sound. My heart drops, I knew something bad was going to happen.

Her shift was over so the new head Doctor tells me the news that I had an ectopic pregnancy and I’m in tears. He tells me he will be contacting my OB and figure what to do from there. During this time I was alone. No one can be in the room with me because of covid. My OB walks in and I just burst into tears. Just thinking there’s another way. She tells me that there’s fluid above my pelvic and was not sure what it was. Also that there’s a cyst in my fallopian tube that is not sure if its an ectopic pregnancy, she gave me two option wait 24 hours to see if my hormones goes up or go into surgery. She was more on the surgery part , but of course myself is going to choose to wait to save this baby. So she suggests that she will go in with a camera if its an ectopic then she will do the surgery and if its not she will close up. So I agree with her hoping and praying its not. As im waiting they are prepping me and I’m just in tears. I wake up only to get dressed and discharged. My OB had explained to my husband what had happened. That there was blood above my pelvic and that my tube had ruptured.

I had to deal with this answer while recovering. Why did this happened? Going back for my check up I’ve asked her the same thing. And now im left with my left side and I am still grateful but this surgery could have been prevented right? Has this happened to anyone? I keep wanting to go back, I keep asking myself what if.

EPT Host 20
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Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 9:58 pm

Re: Angry and depressed

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Diana_0409,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss. Unfortunately I am not medically trained so cannot give you specific advice on your situation.
Ectopic pregnancy can be notoriously difficult to diagnose because it often presents with symptoms that can be suggestive of other, more usual, conditions such as gastroenteritis, miscarriage or even appendicitis. We are a UK based charity and if anyone has questions over their care, we advise them to contact the Patient Advice Liaison Service (PALS) department within their local hospital who can investigate further. I am not sure what services your medical team offer but if you have unanswered questions regarding your care, I would direct them to a similar service or your Dr.

It is normal to feel anxious about the future. We experience a mix of emotions from wanting to try again to being petrified of what may lie ahead. We never forget but we can learn to accept what happened. It is a slow process that might be weeks or months ahead. In time, we can get to a place where we feel comfortable trying again. When this is, is individual for each person. There is no timeframe for recovery, take each day as it comes.
Importantly early scans avail. As soon as you know you are pregnant, book in for a scan at around 6 weeks, as there is a reasonable chance of seeing the embryo at this time.
The chances of a further ectopic after a first in UK is 10%. So that's 90% chance of the embryo being in right place next time. While generally it is possible to conceive after an ectopic pregnancy, the amount of time it takes varies from couple to couple. Factors include age, general health, reproductive health and how often you have sex, among other things. It may be comforting to know that 65% of women are successfully pregnant within 18 months of experiencing an ectopic pregnancy and some studies suggest this rises to around 85% after two years. Importantly, help is available if conceiving naturally has not yet been successful after some time trying - and the EPT advises that women under 35 should seek medical advice following 12 months trying to conceive and those over 35 should seek advice after 6 months.
Also, when a person has only one fallopian tube and both ovaries, they are still able to get pregnant from an egg at the opposite ovary as an egg from one ovary can travel down the tube on the other side. The fallopian tubes are not attached to the ovaries and, at the point of ovulation, some very delicate structures called the fimbriae begin to move gently creating a slight vacuum to suck the egg toward the end of the tube it is nearest to (like lots of little fingers waving and drawing the egg towards it). So, if you have only one tube then there is only one set of receptors working and one set of fimbriae creating a vacuum and so the egg is much more likely to find its way to that tube, whichever ovary it is produced from. Conservative estimates suggest that an egg produced on the tubeless side manages to descend the remaining tube around 15 to 20% of the time.

Making the decision to begin trying to conceive is an emotional rollercoaster compounded by our sad loss. Again, you are not alone. We here emotional support whenever you need us. There is a specific Preparing for your Next Pregnancy board you can look at too whenever feel ready. As a gentle reminder regarding conceiving again, we and many medical professionals advise waiting for two menstrual cycles. It is important to allow time for your body to recover and emotions to surface and be worked through. This is so that you have some comfort that your body is returning to its natural rhythm and you have a last menstrual period date from which to date a new pregnancy - key information in checking you are not suffering from an ectopic pregnancy in the future. The first bleed soon after surgery for ectopic pregnancy is not classed as a period as it is the body's response to falling hormone levels.

Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task. You have also had to process the loss of your baby and been through an immense rollercoaster of emotions - all of this will take time to come to terms with.

You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body's signals and pain and feeling tired are your body's signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.

Above all be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally,
Sending much love,
Karen x
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
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