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Hormones!

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ktj2020
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu Jul 02, 2020 5:08 pm

Hormones!

Post by ktj2020 »

Hi this is my first post. I'm 14 days post methotrexate and really struggling emotionally. This baby wasn't planned, but we fell in love and then the pregnancy was ectopic. We tried for two years for our little girl and then this little one appears despite using contraception so I am struggling to understand why. I was 7w6d when I had the injection after four sets of bloods and two TV scans. Initially I was told it was a miscarriage or a chemical pregnancy, which I accepted but then the ectopic journey has been an emotional rollercoaster. The baby came out in a perfect little sac 6 days after injection and I wish I could unsee it. I'm having a massive battle with my emotions, did I abort my baby, I should have taken it to the epu to be sent away with the other little souls, I should have waited for the injection to give my baby a chance. I know all these thoughts are irrational but I can't help it. I had the injection on the Friday and went back to work on the Monday. I'm fine when I'm busy at work, my workplace have been so lovely and understanding, however when I get a day off with my own thoughts I crumble. I know it's early days but I just want to be myself again. I have spoken to my gp and there is a two year wait for counseling services so he advised me to get in touch here. Sorry for the long rant but it's such a strange time, and I don't know anyone who has been in a similar situation to speak to.

EPT Host 22
Posts: 659
Joined: Fri Nov 20, 2015 10:26 am

Re: Hormones!

Post by EPT Host 22 »

Hi ktj2020,

I am truly so sorry that you've experienced this ectopic pregnancy and loss. It is very normal to find yourself physically recovering, but still working through the emotional recovery. Ectopic pregnancy is a trauma, and it's so important to continue looking after yourself. I too was completed shocked to have been diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy and didn't know anyone who had a similar situation. It was through these boards that I found I wasn't alone in my experience.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can help the healing process. We operate a helpline service, and if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can exchange emails too if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however, you wish and for as long as you wish.

The charity, Mind, may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

From the bottom of my heart, please be kind to yourself through your recovery. We are here for you whenever you need it.

With warm wishes,


Michele



The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
**************************************************************************
During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
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Sanwars2206
Posts: 38
Joined: Mon May 25, 2020 11:14 am

Re: Hormones!

Post by Sanwars2206 »

Hi Ktj2020

I understand how you’re feeling.
I have had a 2nd ectopic which resulted in surgery & the loss of a tube.
My 1st ectopic was treated with methotrexate. On my 1st I had the injection on the Friday & like u went back to work on the Monday.
I didn’t tell anyone what had happened & did find I got through it after a cpl of months.
On this 2nd one again I didn’t tell anyone at work as it happened in lockdown anyway. When I’m working (still wfh cos of covid) I find I can function & be normal & I feel like it helps cos no1 knew anyway so I don’t expect anything from them & they don’t me whereas when I’m not working I’m a wreck.
I can’t control my anger, misery or any feeling for that matter. My mind is running constantly & because my friends, family & in laws know I can’t stand that they just get on with their lives & behave normal. I know it sounds ludicrous but I just feel like I am left with this big hole & everyone else is ok & it isn’t fair or right.
I only know that on the 1st one I eventually got over it so can only hope that the same will happen this time.
Take care x

ktj2020
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu Jul 02, 2020 5:08 pm

Re: Hormones!

Post by ktj2020 »

Thank you for taking time to reply, it must be awful having to go through this twice. You have described how I'm feeling exactly though, everyone else is carrying on and I'm hurting. My husband is a firm believer that things happen for a reason and is just grateful that I am here, but I can't help grieving our baby. I'm torturing myself with the timeline, i should be ten weeks now and getting ready to have my first scan. Roll on Monday so I am back to work and not list in my own stupid thoughts! Xx

Bht
Posts: 13
Joined: Mon Jun 15, 2020 8:35 am

Re: Hormones!

Post by Bht »

Thank you both for posting this, this is exactly how I feel. I’m 5 weeks post methotrexate and levels now down to 98. I have a 14 day wait for my next bloods which will put me at 7 weeks post injection. I asked for 7 days and they said that it wasn’t recommended, I presume due to covid. I feel as though everyone around me expects me to be ok by now including my husband. He has a similar attitude I think to above and has told me not to be bitter about it but I’m having the same emotions as you’ve described above. I was distraught yesterday as when I went to epu for my check up a friend was there who is 7 months pregnant and it just made me feel awful. I’m hoping these feelings will pass as I’m the only one of my friends set who doesn’t have children and at the moment I dread having to see them all again. I’ve worked throughout and that has helped a bit as you have to try and focus on something else as without that I just think of this all the time. I’ve never cried so much and I’m normally not that emotional!

ktj2020
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu Jul 02, 2020 5:08 pm

Re: Hormones!

Post by ktj2020 »

This forum is amazing, the emotions we are all feeling must be so similar and so normal, I'm usually the most rational person but this has affected me so much. It's so reassuring that I'm not alone and it's ok to feel like this. I am hoping only one more trip to epu, my HCG was down to 26 on Thursday so by next week I should be down to 0. It's somewhere I never want to visit again, my experience there hasn't been great and I have never apologised as much as I have there. I'm very grateful it has come down so quickly and wonder if that's because the little sac came out intact. I feel I need to move on but also need to acknowledge this little one, just not sure how xx

Bht
Posts: 13
Joined: Mon Jun 15, 2020 8:35 am

Re: Hormones!

Post by Bht »

Hi ktj2020, I hope your levels are 0 by next week. I’m hoping that’ll be the point when you can focus on the next stage of recovery. I feel the same when I go to epu, they do seem nice ladies but I feel by now even they think I should stop asking questions, I really didn’t realise it would take this long for my levels to drop, I’m exhausted with the constant reminder from my body of what’s happened. I don’t seem to get any info from them it’s all just so vague. Can I be cheeky and ask what your level was a week ago for it to drop to 26? Just trying to mentally prepare myself that mine might not be at 0 even in 2 weeks. It was 820 a fortnight ago and down to 98 now but I understand it slows down a lot now. Can’t believe it will have taken so long to work :(

ktj2020
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu Jul 02, 2020 5:08 pm

Re: Hormones!

Post by ktj2020 »

My levels dropped really quickly, 7 days post they were 956 so dropped by about 600 in the first week, then on day 14 26. They were never really very high, 750 when I was 6w+6 then rose to 1540 on the day of injection. Physically I'm feeling ok, just tired. I bled a lot the first week, literally soaking through super plus pads every 2 hours, so I don't know if that had anything to with my HCG dropping do quickly. It's a shame they are making you wait another two weeks for more bloods.
It is a very odd place, nothing much has been explained band I'm relying on the internet for my information, this site has been a real go to for me this past fortnight.

Sanwars2206
Posts: 38
Joined: Mon May 25, 2020 11:14 am

Re: Hormones!

Post by Sanwars2206 »

Hi Both

I really do understand how you feel.
My hubby has strong faith so constantly says things are written for us, it’s a test blah blah I’m not interested & it frustrates me to [heck].
I feel like I am the only one in the world feeling like this. I know this page is here but I think because there isn’t a follow up & no actual closure it is so hard to move on & part of me doesn’t want to, if I move in it’s like it’s ok & in my mind it’s not ok.
X

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