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Full of emotions I don’t understand

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Wishful1991
Posts: 2
Joined: Sat Jul 04, 2020 9:02 pm

Full of emotions I don’t understand

Post by Wishful1991 »

Hey everyone,

I’m really nervous writing on here but think I’ve let myself struggle in silence. I had a Miscarriage two days before Christmas and suffered with an Ectopic Pregnancy (at 9 weeks) on 13th May and have lost my left tube.

I don’t think I let myself grieve when I had my miscarriage and now after losing another baby I am full of anger towards myself, hate for myself, fear, anxiety and I cannot control my tears. I haven’t had my period yet (7w 3days) but I can’t seem to separate if this emotion is driven from hormones or everything that has happened and how to accept it/deal with it. I also feel like no one understands and it makes me lash out at those closest to me.

Does anyone else feel this way? How do I smile again?

Sending all my love to those who have been through this.

EPT Host 20
Posts: 3155
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 10:58 pm

Re: Full of emotions I don’t understand

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Wishful1991,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and losses, to experience one loss is difficult to deal with multiple losses is heartbreaking and my heart truly goes out to you.

Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task. You have also had to process the loss of your baby and been through an immense rollercoaster of emotions - all of this will take time to come to terms with and your feelings are completely normal.

You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body's signals and pain and feeling tired are your body's signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.

Your periods can take a while to re-establish - they can re-start anything between two and ten weeks after surgery and most women find that their period arrives sometime around week six or seven after surgery.
The first period may be more painful or less so than usual, heavier or lighter, last for longer or shorter than usual – there really is no set pattern. You should be able to manage the discomfort with over-the-counter pain relief and should not be soaking a pad in less than an hour. If this is not the case, you should seek medical attention.

You will need space to process what has happened and it can feel isolating. Although my friends and family were well meaning, they didn't truly understand how I felt after my loss either. With us here at the Trust, we have been through similar experiences and can understand how lonely it feels. You have a friends here and please do continue to lean on us for as long as you need. I found comfort in reading others posts, it made me feel less alone in how I was feeling.

I know that when I had my ectopic pregnancy I also looked for a reason and almost automatically we tend to blame ourselves. From the bottom of my heart, there is nothing you could have done to prevent the ectopic pregnancy from happening. I cannot emphasise enough - you are not to blame. Please be kind to yourself and I send you gentle hugs.

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
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Sanwars2206
Posts: 38
Joined: Mon May 25, 2020 11:14 am

Re: Full of emotions I don’t understand

Post by Sanwars2206 »

Hi Wishful1991

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
I have just had my 2nd ectopic resulting in a left tube removal.
It is so hard, this is my 3rd loss in total & 2nd ectopic you’d think I would know how to get over it by now but this time I just can’t.
I know I’m hurting my husband so much with my anger & my mum but I can’t stop.
I am angry, hurt, devastated all the emotions rolled into one ultimately I just feel sad all the time & cant stand anyone who is just getting on their lives it seems so unfair to me.

Elle1990
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat Aug 25, 2018 7:39 am

Re: Full of emotions I don’t understand

Post by Elle1990 »

Hi there

To Wishful and sanwar you are both so amazingly strong. Remember that.

It is an awful time full of emotions and it is ok to be angry! Be angry! Its a part if grieving. This is something i did not let myself do until weeks and weeks after the ectopic and left tube removal back in 2018. I wanted to go back to work and told everyone i was fine then I just lost it one day and i feel it was therefore even harder for my husband to understand. So tell people how you feel. Write it down! Get it out!

IT WILL GET BETTER

Please make sure you allow yourself to grieve. However your feeling right now is OK!!!! There is no wrong

And there will be light. I heard stories of women going on to have their 3rd 4th babies with only 1 tube.... the other fallopian tube can pick up from the other ovary aparently so ive been told and i researched and it seems to be so..

One more thing.. i went on to have a baby.
I fell pregnant with him in the October/November after my ectopic in july.... so 3/4 months after!!

YOU GOT THIS GIRLS. YOUR STRONG.
LOTS OF LOVE AND HUGS🙏

Wishful1991
Posts: 2
Joined: Sat Jul 04, 2020 9:02 pm

Re: Full of emotions I don’t understand

Post by Wishful1991 »

Thank you Elle! 😊

I keep fighting to find that light at the end of the tunnel and reading your post has helped me believe it is there but I just need to take my time.

I am so so pleased to hear you have a beautiful child now and I am really happy for you. I hope my periods hurry up and come back again so I can feel more, ‘normal’ and look forward to when we can try again.

Just like others, I feel like no one understands so to read your post has put it into perspective that people do and speaking to other women on here does really help.

Sending love to you and your family x

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