By registering on our forum, you can view and contribute to more topics on ectopic pregnancy. Your details are confidential and we do not send unsolicited emails. For your confidentiality, you can choose your own forum name to protect your anonymity if you so wish. If you register, there is no obligation to post; you can simply take comfort from the words of others. It is entirely up to you whether you post a message or read others' experiences or do both.

Life after Ectopic Pregnancy

This is a welcoming place for you to ask your questions and share your knowledge and experiences of ectopic pregnancy.
To keep this as a safe space, before being able to post freely, an administrator will need to activate your account and authorise your first post.
Post Reply
SJ2020
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Jul 13, 2020 1:00 pm

Life after Ectopic Pregnancy

Post by SJ2020 »

I experienced an Ectopic Pregnancy in May 2020 - Dealt via Expected Management luckily. I am thankful that I didn't have any surgery but struggle to find any story online that relates to my experience. I suppose naturally, you will always see the dramatic stories posted online.

This was my first pregnancy and I am heartbroken with the loss. I worry daily what my journey will be now moving forward. I feel robbed of a future 'blissful' pregnancy experience should I ever get pregnant again as I will never forget the loss back in May. I fear that I will be an anxious wreck and worried that stress will make my body react in a bad way. How does anyone overcome these emotions & feelings? It's all I think about. Worried I will never get pregnant. I have nightmares & cannot sleep. I don't understand how I can look at positives coming out of this situation.

All I feel daily is the BIGGEST failure ever and jealous of all my friends pregnancies. One of my close friends due date is 3 days before mine was meant to be. How perfect would that of been?!

Any advice to help me other than 'be positive' be would amazing. I've read through several posts on this forum in tears, it's truly heartbreaking what I've been reading. It's great to see women supporting one another.

SJ x

lifeisnow
Posts: 8
Joined: Tue May 12, 2020 8:17 pm

Re: Life after Ectopic Pregnancy

Post by lifeisnow »

Hi SJ,

I'm soooo sorry about your loss and all the struggles you are going through now. Reading your story was like reading my own. I too, had an ectopic pregnancy, treated via expectant management this past May. It was also my very first pregnancy and my very first child loss. It was for sure a stressful and fearful journey and it was also the biggest challenge both me and my husband had to face in our lives. I too, am very thankful that I came out of the ectopic pregnancy in one piece (literally) and the day I was discharged, we were both really relieved, but I also cried, knowing that this time, our baby was really gone. So I hear you and I feel you, you are not alone in this. But please know that this experience has absolutely nothing to do with you. Nothing you did or didn't do would have prevented this. It's a very unfortunate event, but it is totally out of our control.

There are things I did during expectant management to help me stay present as much as possible - or to stay sane, try not to worry about the future that's not real or feel sad about the past that I can't change. I wrote a blog about it - it was also my way of coping and healing to let it out: https://www.wellvivid.co.uk/post/what-i ... iscarriage

I don't know how and when I'll get pregnant again, don't know whether I'll suffer ectopic or miscarriage again, or whether I'll ever have a healthy baby of our own. But I try not to think about it, just do one step at a time. We are going to wait for two cycles before we try again. That's all I can do.

I hope you could find your ways to cope and heal, and know that there are many of us, you are not alone. Sending you love and hugs xxx

EPT Host 20
Posts: 3155
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 10:58 pm

Re: Life after Ectopic Pregnancy

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear SJ,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss.
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

It is also normal to feel anxious about the future. We generally feel a mix of emotions from wanting to try again to being petrified of what may lie ahead. We never forget our experiences or babies, but we learn to accept what happened. It is a slow process that might be weeks or months ahead.
In time, we can get to a place where we feel comfortable trying again. When this is, is individual for each person. There is no timeframe for recovery, take each day as it comes.
Importantly early scans avail. As soon as you know you are pregnant, contact your local EPU to inform them and book in for an early scan at around six weeks. Remind them of your previous ectopic pregnancy. This self refer route is the best route in our view. Hopefully you will have some comfort to know you are under the radar of medical professionals right away.

We hear from many women who struggle with news about pregnancy from their friends and families. This is very normal and I was the same after my loss. When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It's what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space and please protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us "bad" people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful. If you feel you can, talk to your friend about your feelings so she knows how you feel too. Please do be gentle with yourself and you can talk to us whenever you need.

Although well-meaning, my friends and family didn't truly understand how is was feeling and occasionally came up with insensitive phrases too. Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.

It generally takes 3 months to start processing a traumatic event, you are still in the early stages of recovery and your feelings are normal, however if the down days start to outweigh the good, we at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services.

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

You will need space to process what has happened and it can feel isolating. With us here at the Trust, we have been through similar experiences and can understand how lonely it feels. You have friends here and please do continue to lean on us for as long as you need.

I know that when I had my ectopic pregnancy I also looked for a reason and almost automatically we tend to blame ourselves. From the bottom of my heart, there is nothing you could have done to prevent the ectopic pregnancy from happening. You are not a failure and I cannot emphasise enough - you are not to blame. Please be kind to yourself and I send you gentle hugs.

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
**************************************************************************
During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
***************************************************************************

Post Reply