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I feel like a fraud

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Random2020
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Jul 27, 2020 10:29 pm

I feel like a fraud

Post by Random2020 »

Two weeks ago I ended up ringing 111 and the next day my Dr's surgery. No cramps but spotting for almost a week with some shoulder pain. Potential for ectopic was denied as I was not in severe pain. I knew something didn't feel right though and luckily I spoke to a midwife by chance a couple of days later who asked me to call back if brown spotting continued to the 6w mark. It did and so I rang and was referred for an ultrasound the next day. Low and behold the pregnancy turned out to be ectopic. Luckily my HCG levels were in the 100s so I was referred for expectant management and currently following it now. I ended up in hospital for a night due to significant bleeding. However, even though I knew it was serious with everything that I read I felt like a fraud for even needing to be admitted in to hospital. Without being in continuous significant pain and as it is not severe enough to need MTX (so far) and fingers crossed it still doesn't rupture, it feels like I have no right to worry and I feel like I am over playing the situation - then I equally worry that I'm not taking it seriously enough. [I think part of it comes from multiple health professionals telling me that it can't be ectopic unless I'm in pain - which I know now is clearly not true]. On the whole, the few that we have told have been great and my husband is beyond incredible. We've tried to be really pragmatic but for some reason it hurts when the odd person has said 'well it does happen' almost brushing it off. I'm not after the sympathy from others either but if they understood what it meant it would make a difference. I know that no-one can tell me how to feel but I have found it so hard to feel anything without feeling guilty that I'm either under or over-playing it and so have found myself just trying to react in a nonchalant manner because I know it's easiest for everyone. I know it could be so much worse and I feel incredibly lucky. However, it's just hard...really hard.

Tiffa_D
Posts: 4
Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2020 10:40 am

Re: I feel like a fraud

Post by Tiffa_D »

Hey Random2020,
I also didn’t have much physical pain when I went through mine a couple months ago. Like you, I had a lot of spotting and also like you the doctors initially said ectopic wasn’t likely because of the lack of pain. Fast forward a week and a half from speaking with the GP for the third time and my hormones were over 5000 and I had emergency surgery to remove my right tube. It hadn’t burst but was on the verge and my abdomen was filled with blood. I guess my point is that it’s better to be safe and monitored. I also knew something wasn’t right and thankfully didn’t allow my hopes to get too high but at the same time was emotionally crushed by it. It’s confusing and hard even if you physically feel ok. You’re by no means a fraud. I’m sorry this is happening to you and I hope it can be managed without surgery for you.

Sanwars2206
Posts: 38
Joined: Mon May 25, 2020 11:14 am

Re: I feel like a fraud

Post by Sanwars2206 »

Hi both

I’ve had 2 ectopics & haven’t had any pain through either. The only way I knew was because I bled dark blood.
The docs & nurses who treated me both times didn’t take pain as a given symptom so treated me straight away.
Such a shame the pain symptom has given such importance in this circumstance & uve been made to feel like this.
I had 1x ectopic treated with methotrexate & 1x surgery so pain or no pain uve had an ectopic & need to process it in ur own way & in ur own time.
Take care x

EPT Host 20
Posts: 3155
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 10:58 pm

Re: I feel like a fraud

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Random2020,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
You certainly are not a fraud but it is true that we can feel a mix of emotions after experiencing ectopic pregnancy.

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal. There is no time frame for recovery and you will have good and bad days, but you should in no way feel guilty for anything that you feel.

I too found that while well meaning, my friends and family didn't truly understand how I felt and it can be quite isolating. These boards are a safe space to share, ask questions, or to vent. They are filled with people who have been through similar experiences and journeys, and we are here for you for as long as you need.

Sending much love,
Karen x

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