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Emotional rollercoaster

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Shan1253
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Aug 30, 2020 1:37 am

Emotional rollercoaster

Post by Shan1253 »

Hi All,

I had an emergency surgery on Tuesday for my ectopic pregnancy where my right ovary also had to be removed. I was bleeding internally for 3 weeks before I realized what was going on. It all just happened so quick, I went to the hospital Monday with suspected appendicitis and Tuesday morning I had the surgery.

My emotions are all over the place. I didn't know I was pregnant but I found out i was 2 and a half months during a scan where I saw where the baby was. I'm supposed to go back to work next Tuesday but I don't know how to. I'm physically and mentally exhausted, I have such intense headaches the past few days and my appetite has disappeared.

My two best friends are currently pregnant and I don't think I can face them right now. I wish I had someone to talk to but my boyfriend doesn't want to talk about it.

Will I ever feel better

Jess93
Posts: 4
Joined: Sun Aug 30, 2020 2:29 pm

Re: Emotional rollercoaster

Post by Jess93 »

Hey babe I feel you ,

3 months ago I had a Cornual ectopic and I have a close friend who is due any day now and its been so hard to just be around her and the baby shower was a emotional for me but I held it together.

It takes time but I do feel alot better then I did in the early days , sometimes in a weird way I felt angry that she had a baby and I didn't.. like what did I do so wrong?. But you have to get out of that head space otherwise you just sink into a depression.

Every now and then i feel a emptyness in me when I see her bump and even more so now a new baby could be here soon , im happy for her i love her but I also wanted my baby too.

Its a struggle that I still have now but I think in time I will come through and you will too.

Goodluck gorgeous x

Shan1253
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Aug 30, 2020 1:37 am

Re: Emotional rollercoaster

Post by Shan1253 »

Thank you so much for that message Jess. It really helps to know that Im not the only one to feel angry or upset that my friends are pregnant but I'm not. It helps to know I'm not alone.

I appreciate you!

EPT Host 20
Posts: 3155
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 10:58 pm

Re: Emotional rollercoaster

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Shan1253,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task. You have also had to process the loss of your baby and been through an immense rollercoaster of emotions - all of this will take time to come to terms with.

You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body's signals and pain and feeling tired are your body's signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.

Surgery is an immense ordeal for the body to go through. In general, after about six weeks you should be able to return to most jobs from a physical point of view. However, if your role involves manual handling, we suggest that it would be sensible to have a phased approach, gently building up to the usual extent of activity. I would suggest avoiding a rapid return to strenuous activities as it is important to build up strength after recovery.
A few options may be available depending on the role: might there be an opportunity to work reduced hours, increasing them slowly over a few weeks? Perhaps there are certain tasks that you could take on which may entail a change from your usual role or a series of reduced tasks initially? I am not sure whether this is appropriate in your circumstances, but is there anything that you could action from home (which may be different from your usual role but still be of use)?
Many women experience pain after surgery and this can be the case weeks or months after the trauma. Pain is the body's sign to rest and it is important to be guided by this and taking it easier if you experience discomfort.
In addition, it is worth bearing in mind that experiencing ectopic pregnancy is a very frightening experience and many women need to take time to help them deal with the psychological/emotional impact of the loss of their baby, being diagnosed with a life-threatening condition and undergoing major surgery. Please speak to your GP about having further time off work if required.

We hear from many women who struggle with news about pregnancy from their friends and families. This is very normal and I was the same after my loss. When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It's what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space and please protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us "bad" people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful.

Please be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally. You can talk to us whenever you need.
Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
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