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In March after trying for a baby for about 6 months I was diagnosed with pcos, and was put on metformin. Nothing happened. Early this month I got my period (I thought) it was a very gentle “period”. I had a follow up meeting with my doctor booked, where we were going to talk about trying clomid, but as I had had spotting for 14 days I had a feeling my doctor would ask if I had taken a pregnancy test. So I took one, it was positive. But I knew something was wrong, there was no way it was a healthy pregnancy when I had this pain and was bleeding.
The pain increased and I went to the A & E, after 3 hours in the waiting room I saw a doctor who did not think it was an ectopic, he referred me to the early pregnancy unit and told me they would call the day after. I was relieved, believing it was a miscarriage and it actually made me happy.
After a year of trying, something was finally happening in my body.
The morning after the early pregnancy unit called. Work had been very busy and we were low on staff so I asked if I couldn’t wait until the week after to come for a check up but the nurse was very insistent that I should come the day after. Eventually I agreed, telling my bosses that I’d hopefully just be gone for a couple hours.
Thinking back, I wish that had been true. I had the hope with me that maybe, just maybe, it was a healthy baby in there and I would finally be a mother.
The day after I came in, they did an ultrasound and said straight away that it was ectopic. I was so surprised, and chocked, because I really hadn’t prepared for that. He said that they would most likely need to remove my tube because I was in so much pain. And from there the whole experience escalated. I called my boss, crying my heart out, out of fear and chock, telling her I’d not be able to come in for the rest of the day. She said it was okay, that I didn’t need to worry about work. I was sitting in the waiting room, crying, and I was too scared to call my husband, I didn’t know what to say. What do you say? “Our chance of getting a baby is now slimming even further?” A nurse saw me and got a doctor to take me to his office where he sat with me, calmed me down and answered my 5000 questions. I eventually called my husband, telling him what was going on, and he rushed to the hospital to be with me.
I had to do some blood tests and when we were almost done, I fainted. Then everything happened so quickly, I had about 3 doctors, a surgeon and a couple of nurses doing checks and telling me my tube had probably ruptured. While I was shaking so badly and could barely understand what was said to me.
Though we’re living in corona times, they let my husband in, and upon seeing him I finally started to calm down.
A few more blood tests showed that my tube most likely hadn’t burst but I was just under extreme shock and fear.
At 5:30 on Friday the 24th they removed my tube.
I laid the whole night in a hospital bed, not sleeping. My husband had had to go home. I didn’t really feel more than psychical pain at that point, it hadn’t really hit me I think.
It wasn’t until yesterday evening the volume of all that happened came crashing down. My pcos together with my one healthy tube has now reduced my fertility with a lot. I may get another ectopic because I had this one, it may be worse the next time.
I’m afraid of trying again, but I also really want to be a mother. I feel like I can’t trust my body, for years the doctors have told me my body is healthy and I will have no issues having a baby, but now I’m sitting here, One tube down... I feel less like myself, and less like a healthy person, I feel broken. My scars will always be a reminder of that.
I’m 30, so all my friends are having children now. And I hate myself for being jealous of them, I love them and I want to be happy for them, to share their joy. But I just can’t and again it feels like I’m not myself. Who will I become?
I’m so worried about the future.
Thank you if you read this far.
It’s an awful experience. I had my first tube removed age 30 then exactly a year later I had my first child, then two years later I had another child. Sadly I’ve just had my left tube removed but don’t give up hope I was pregnant again the first time I had unprotected sex, I’d been to scared to try before that. Look after yourself and don’t give up hope x
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
You have been through a huge amount in such a short space of time and it is very normal to feel overwhelmed. From your words, I can imagine how frightening the experience must have been and I am sorry you have had to go though this.
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.
It is normal to feel anxious about the future. We generally feel a mix of emotions from wanting to try again to being petrified of what may lie ahead. We never forget our babies or experiences, but we learn to accept what happened. It is a slow process that might be weeks or months ahead.
In time, we can get to a place where we feel comfortable trying again. When this is, is individual for each person. There is no timeframe for recovery, take each day as it comes.
Importantly early scans avail. As soon as you know you are pregnant, contact your local EPU to inform them and book in for an early scan at around six weeks. Remind them of your previous ectopic pregnancy. This self refer route is the best route in our view. Hopefully you will have some comfort to know you are under the radar of medical professionals right away.
As Smallchips has kindly posted, we hear from many women who successfully conceive following ectopic pregnancy. The chances of a further ectopic after a first in UK is 10%. So that's 90% chance of the embryo being in right place next time.
While generally it is possible to conceive after an ectopic pregnancy, the amount of time it takes varies from couple to couple. Factors include age, general health, reproductive health and how often you have sex, among other things. It may be comforting to know that 65% of women are successfully pregnant within 18 months of experiencing an ectopic pregnancy and some studies suggest this rises to around 85% after two years.
Importantly, help is available if conceiving naturally has not yet been successful after some time trying - and the EPT advises that women under 35 should seek medical advice following 12 months trying to conceive and those over 35 should seek advice after 6 months.
We also hear from many women who struggle with news about pregnancy from their friends and families. This is very normal and I was the same after my loss. When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It's what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space and please protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us "bad" people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful. Please do be gentle with yourself and you can talk to us whenever you need.
Above all be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally. We will be here for you for as long as you need.
Sending much love,
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
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