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How to heal mentally & what now?

This is a welcoming place for you to ask your questions and share your knowledge and experiences of ectopic pregnancy.
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Efordx
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Aug 24, 2020 3:50 pm

How to heal mentally & what now?

Post by Efordx »

I suffered a ruptured ectopic pregnancy 8 weeks ago and feel that I may be on the verge of depression. So I guess I am looking for some advice really...

I originally had a symptoms of an ectopic pregnancy from 7 weeks. After calling 111 I had been advised to go to the hospital where I explained my reason for being there and was sent home ruling out ectopic after an examination. My symptoms then progressed and an ambulance was required. I passed pregnancy looking tissue with the paramedics at home and this was on my hospital bed in a bag with me as I was taken around the hospital. My bloods were only taken once, 3 different doctors spoke with me during my one night stay and confirmed a miscarriage, I had a D&C and an internal ultrasound where I discussed again my possible ectopic (reason for coming in). I was the discharged after a night of wanting to cry when I couldn’t as there was just a curtain between me and the pregnant women on the ward. All also alone because of COVID restrictions.

I then returned to work a few weeks later and couldn’t move without severe pain and nearly fainting. I managed to drive home, called 111 and they made an appointment for that evening with an out of hours doctor. I was examined again externally because of the bloating and a urine sample had been done. I was then prescribed antibiotics for a possible endometrial infection.
After returning home I deteriorated and had to be taken to hospital. After a 5 hour wait I fainted alone in a bay and another longer internal ultrasound showed my ruptured ectopic pregnancy and 2 litres of internal bleeding. Surgery was required, and the removal of my Fallopian tube. The whole experience alone, again because of Covid restrictions.

Of course I have felt all the emotions that come with grieving. But I feel that it has changed me into a completely different person (I don’t even know who I am anymore).

I began teacher training (Condensed 1 year courage) 3/4 weeks after surgery. Which has required my full time attention because of the workload. I have spoken with my mentors but feel like the world has forgotten or chosen to not recognise what I’ve been through or just simply don’t understand.
Because of how my life has changed so drastically. I’m in a position where I don’t have time to stop and when I do stop.. all I want to do is shut the world out.
I am also particularly anxious about my future given my experience and my fertility but feel too overwhelmed to deal with those anxieties.

I know the advice would be to speak with mentors or give myself time to heal. But what do you do when you don’t have time?

Georgialclancy
Posts: 7
Joined: Wed Jul 29, 2020 7:36 pm

Re: How to heal mentally & what now?

Post by Georgialclancy »

Hi
I am so sorry for the experience you have been through ❤️
I myself has been through an ectopic I found out I was pregnant in June and then from there I went downhill I was also admitted to hospital and told I was having a miscarriage but 2 weeks later it was confirmed through a scan and another stay in hospital that I was in fact experiencing an ectopic my world crumbled around me.

As for how you are feeling I am with you it’s bad enough you’ve nearly lost your life as this is so serious, to then feel like it’s disregarded and it’s like people forget it happens.

Don’t ever feel your alone because like you there’s so many people it’s normal to not be okay.
I still cry near enough every day and ask myself 21 questions that I’ll never know the answers of.
The feeling of everyone around me having a baby and being excited which I am for them but the heartbreak and pain I feel is something I can’t deal with.

I found speaking on here and also having a telephone call with the lovely people here at the ectopic pregnancy trust really helped me, we cried and I got off my chest how I felt talking to someone who’s been through it actually helps so much.

I want you to know your not alone and I’m always here if you need me ❤️
I know it’s weird that strangers can talk about a very traumatic experience but I actually feel it helps me more talking

I also write in a notebook exactly how I feel and my thoughts which helps me somehow.

You’ve been through an experience and traumatic life experience that nobody can ever imagine don’t be to hard on yourself you will get there someday ❤️❤️❤️

Sending love to you xx

Efordx
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Aug 24, 2020 3:50 pm

Re: How to heal mentally & what now?

Post by Efordx »

Thank you so much for your kind words. Sending so much love back to you ❤️

I think experiencing ectopic brings you face to face with your mortality as well as the loss of a baby. Either of them things are so difficult to deal with alone never mind both at the same time. And to top it off we had to face it by ourselves. So I guess it is easy to feel like no one understands the depth of our trauma.

I relate to everything you have said! It’s like the world is in a rush and everyone’s falling pregnant when your world has just stopped.

Thank you for all the lovely advice. I have had a phone all with the trust and will be having another one next week.

I really hope that you keep healing and the future is bright ✨ only a message away if you need to speak with someone who understands ❤️ xx

EPT Host 20
Posts: 1914
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 9:58 pm

Re: How to heal mentally & what now?

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Efordx,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.
You have been through a huge amount in such a short space of time and it is very normal to feel overwhelmed. From your words, I can imagine how frightening the experience must have been and I am sorry you have had to go though this. Coming to terms with what has happened will take time. You are still in the early weeks of recovery and are physically and emotionally needing to heal. There is no timeframe for recovery, take each day as it comes.

Whilst your emotions are completely normal at this time, if you find the down days start to outweigh the good, we at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling.

We have information on our website about finding counselling services and we have more information here: http://www.ectopic.org.uk/patients/emotional-impact/

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.

Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
**************************************************************************
During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
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Lisyloo725
Posts: 20
Joined: Thu Oct 15, 2020 9:17 am

Re: How to heal mentally & what now?

Post by Lisyloo725 »

Hey Efordx
I’m sorry that I have only just seen your post. I am just home from my ectopic surgery the day before yesterday and have just found this forum.

You should definitely speak to the head of your teacher training course. S/he will certainly be sympathetic to you. And there is always the possibility of taking the term off, and extending your studies by a term at the end.

I work for a provider initial teacher education and this would be possible. Going part time might also be possible.

Wishing you all the best after your awful awful experience.

You will find your happy self again - as I will. It’s been a tough old year x x x x

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