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No coming back

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Annuska79
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Sep 30, 2020 10:24 am

No coming back

Post by Annuska79 »

Tonight I had a big nightmare... I was told that my pregnancy couldn't go on because something strange was happening...
Then I woke up and I realized it's all damn true.
All started at the beginning of September when my period didn't show up as usual (I'm always kinda regular) but I didn't think about pregnancy yet. I'm 41 yrs. old and my husband & I have been having unprotected sex for the last year but nothing really happened. I was telling myself destiny should do its course and I didn't wanna push it one way or another, even though I felt in my heart I was ready to be a mommy.
After a week delay I started questioning if I could be pregnant, so I bought the home test and tried... the result was not completely negative but not positive as well. I though about trying a couple of days later againg. so I bought another test and I spotted a very light line on positivity... my husband kept on saying I wasn't pregnant but I felt it inside. my boobs were fuller thank ever and I felt different.
I decided to take the blod test and on Sept. 14th I discovered I was pregnant but my HCG levels were low. That same day I started having some pelvic cramps and I saw some brown spost on my underware. I though I was having an abortion.
The next morning I went to the hospital and I had the first cold shower: "I see nothing in your uterus... when was your last period?" "August 6th"... "Then we should already see something, it could be an ectopic pregnancy". I was listening but not understanding... what does it mean? what should I do?
In a nick of time I went from being happy because I was pregnant to an unknown world.
I was told to stay home for 48 hours and then go back on Saturday. That's what I did and my second visit went well... my HCG levels grew normally even though nothing could be seen but the cramps and the bleeding had stopped. So my hope got back, maybe it was a late conception?
The following week I went to work and I felt fine... no more cramps, no more bleeding and still with the idea of my baby growing happily inside of me.
But this fairy tale soon ended because on Friday 25th I started bleeding so much and I had pelvic pain again... the world fell apart... why again? was I losing my baby??? what was I doing wrong?
The next morning I went to the hospital again and I hoped... I hoped with all my heart, but no sign of my baby in the uterus and HCG levels were 5800... they saw something on my left Fallopian tube, so ectopic pregnancy was more than just a possibility. I went home and prepared for the worst, always hoping the bleeding would induce an abortion.
The next morning (Sunday 27th) my husband left me at the hospital... after a couple of hours the ectopic pregnancy was confirmed and I was taken into the theatre to have a laparoscopy. Everything happened just so quickly.
I was pregnant, I was happy, I was healthy and now I was going to have surgery.
The surgery went well, but my left tube was removed together with my baby and part of me was taken away forever.
I've been home now for a couple of days, my body is still recovering but my heart is crying...
I hope I'll be able to be the same positive person I've always been, always smiling and enjoying life but this is really something too big and too hard.
I know I'm not alone and many girls have lived the same nightmare but there's no coming back and I must cope with this new me now.
Thanks for anyone who will ready my experience...

Anna

EPT Host 20
Posts: 1914
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 9:58 pm

Re: No coming back

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Anna,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal. You will need space and time to come to terms with what has happened. There is no timeframe for recovery, take each day as it comes.

It is normal to feel anxious about the future. We generally feel a mix of emotions from wanting to try again to being petrified of what may lie ahead. We never forget our babies, but we learn to accept what happened. It is a slow process that might be weeks or months ahead.
In time, we can get to a place where we feel comfortable trying again. When this is, is individual for each person. Importantly early scans avail. As soon as you know you are pregnant, contact your local EPU to inform them and book in for an early scan at around six weeks. Remind them of your previous ectopic pregnancy. This self refer route is the best route in our view. Hopefully you will have some comfort to know you are under the radar of medical professionals right away.
We are here too. Trying to conceive emotional rollercoaster compounded by our sad loss. You are not alone, and there is a specific Preparing for your next pregnancy board can look at too whenever feel ready.

Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.

Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
**************************************************************************
During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
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sindi21
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Oct 06, 2020 5:40 am

Re: No coming back

Post by sindi21 »

I cannot even begin to imagine what [heck] have you been through but hang in there!!

Annuska79
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Sep 30, 2020 10:24 am

Re: No coming back

Post by Annuska79 »

Thanks a lot for your support.
It feels better to realize I'm not alone.
I'm trying to be strong.

Anna

sindi21
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Oct 06, 2020 5:40 am

Re: No coming back

Post by sindi21 »

Thanks a lot for your support.
It feels better to realize I'm not alone.
I'm trying to be strong.

Anna
You're welcome

having troubles during pregnancy is also my nightmare
I read everything possible info from [url removed per Trust policy] [url removed per Trust policy] and I think mentally I'm ready but not physically

Lisyloo725
Posts: 20
Joined: Thu Oct 15, 2020 9:17 am

Re: No coming back

Post by Lisyloo725 »

Hiya Anna - I’m so sorry for your loss and how you get when you typed your post x x x

Are you feeling any brighter? I do honestly think there is a way YOU can come back. I really hope so. You are a bit ahead of me (I had my ectopic removed the day before yesterday - 13th Oct) and although I feel exactly like you describe - I do have hope.
How are you feeling now? What has helped you, if you don’t mind sharing? X x x love L

Annuska79
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Sep 30, 2020 10:24 am

Re: No coming back

Post by Annuska79 »

Lisyloo725 wrote:
Thu Oct 15, 2020 10:23 am
Hiya Anna - I’m so sorry for your loss and how you get when you typed your post x x x

Are you feeling any brighter? I do honestly think there is a way YOU can come back. I really hope so. You are a bit ahead of me (I had my ectopic removed the day before yesterday - 13th Oct) and although I feel exactly like you describe - I do have hope.
How are you feeling now? What has helped you, if you don’t mind sharing? X x x love L

Hi,
what I can tell you is... take all the time needed, I'm personally getting better and better so there's hope for everyone.
Of course there are brighter days when I feel strong and darker ones when I feel low but I guess this is the normal path to take.
Just love yourself even in this difficult time and I'm sure this bad experience will make us stronger after all. All we need to be patient.

lots of love Anna

Annuska79
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Sep 30, 2020 10:24 am

Re: No coming back

Post by Annuska79 »

sindi21 wrote:
Sun Oct 11, 2020 12:59 pm
Thanks a lot for your support.
It feels better to realize I'm not alone.
I'm trying to be strong.

Anna
You're welcome

having troubles during pregnancy is also my nightmare
I read everything possible info from [url removed per Trust policy] [url removed per Trust policy] and I think mentally I'm ready but not physically
I hope you'll get what you desire asap.
have you also experienced something bad during your journey?

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