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2nd ectopic

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Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Oct 26, 2020 9:09 am

2nd ectopic

Post by Danak1990 »

Hi my name is dana i have a 7 year old that was born in 2012 i dont no where to start with this one so bassically i had a ectopic in 2013 and had sergery for tube removal since then me and my daughters dad split up due to the stress of it all but remained friends weve both moved on and i got with someone else in 2014 hes got 2 kids from previous relationship that he isnt allowed to see due to hes ex stopping him weve got though so much with hes ex and court we desided to try for a baby of our own i no there was allways the chance that id have another ectopic but i thought due to it being 4 years or so after my last id be ok and theres less of a chance i dont no what i thought anyway so weve been trying for 4 years and finally 3 weeks ago i got that positive result i was so excited but so nervious my partner was at work so i waited all day till my daughter was put to bed and i told him by giving him then test he started crying we was so happy i went for bloods and they were going up how they were meant to i couldnt be over happy because of the past so kept going for bloods and had 3 scans bloods going up but couldnt find no baby or heartbeat i said maybe im just to early but then the doctors started to get me in more often and said my bloods were going to high to quick from that day i knew there was something wrong i was getting cramps but doctors was saying could just be growing pains so i went with it then on the 19th october they wanted me in for bloods and scan bloods going up to quick and scan still nothing they told me wait around for bloods to come back while i was waiting doctor come to me and said i need to be scanned i said i have been she said no by another scanner internal so that happened and the dreeded look i knew what was going to happen from that day but i didnt want to believe it i rang my mother in law and told her she rushed up to be with me and rang my parner he rushed home aswell the doctors said it seems that it will sort its self out and hopefully come out its self and i was hoping that aswell but it was to good to be true i went home that day and the next day i went back for more tests but i was in so muh pain they admitted me done another scan and it grew from 10mm to 17mm over night i was destroyed they come to my room and said they have to do the sergery but they will try and just take the ectopic away but it can caurse scarring so thats what happened that was wednesday and thursday i was out of hospital with some pain killers but i feel so numb all the time feel depressed to the point i dont want to get out of bed most mornings and just keep blaming myself all the time my partner is there for me every step of the time but he dosent no what to say and i just feel so alone everyone around me tells me im lucky to already have a child but i feel i can give my daughter everything holidays, trips out, toys, litterly everything she could every want or need but i cant give her the one thing that all her friends have and thats a sibling shes always asking how she gets a little brother or sister and i told her the storke brings it shes wrote letters and letters to the storke asking i just feel so useless i had hope before the last ectopic but now iv lose all hope. has anyone had a tube removed then the ectopic removed and still went on to have a child?? Plesse give me hope

EPT Host 20
Posts: 1910
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 9:58 pm

Re: 2nd ectopic

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Dana,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancies and losses. To experience one loss is difficult to deal with multiple losses is heartbreaking and my heart truly goes out to you.
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task.
You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body's signals and pain and feeling tired are your body's signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.

There is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn't our fault.
I know that when I had my ectopic pregnancy I also looked for a reason and almost automatically we tend to blame ourselves. From the bottom of my heart, there is nothing you could have done to prevent the ectopic pregnancy from happening. I cannot emphasise enough - you are not to blame.

We do hear from women who have successfully conceived following multiple ectopic pregnancies. In terms of chances of future successful pregnancies, studies do not show a significant difference between treatment routes, whether surgical, medical using methotrexate or expectant management (allowing time for the body to resolve the pregnancy itself).
Importantly, help is available if conceiving naturally has not yet been successful after some time trying - and the EPT advises that women under 35 should seek medical advice following 12 months trying to conceive and those over 35 should seek advice after 6 months.

Making the decision to begin trying to conceive is an emotional rollercoaster compounded by our sad loss. Again, you are not alone. We here emotional support whenever you need us. There is a specific Preparing for your Next Pregnancy board you can look at too whenever feel ready.

Above all be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally.
Sending much love,
Karen x

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