Unsure

[Viain]

Today is my first day at home after leaving hospital yesterday afternoon.

Me and my husband found out we were pregnant on the 14th November this was a planned pregnancy and my first.
I told one close friend who is also my line manager at work so she could cover for me in the upcoming weeks appointments and symptoms etc

Last Sunday 22nd we decided to tell parents then Tuesday morning I had some very slight bleeding after looking online it said it was very common so decided to keep an eye on it during the day it stopped then in the evening it got slightly heavier and redder but still hardly any however as I was worried we requested an out of hours GP to phone us back. After several attempts because the phone lines at their end were so bad we were asked lots of conversations and he said he would contact the EPAU and get them to ring us the following day (25th)

8.50 in the morning the staff nurse phoned I explained about the bleeding and she said because it wasn’t heavy bleeding due to Covid I didn’t meet the criteria to go in and it was basically a wait and see what happens. She was very apologetic and said numerous times how she hated saying it to people and that she knew it want right. We finished the call and I was left feeling even more worried and deflated 2 minutes later she phoned back said she couldn’t leave me like that as she could hear how upset and worried I was and would put me down so I met the criteria they weren’t busy so I could go in in half an hour for a scan.

I arrived at 9.30 and after a long sit in the waiting room alone as my husband wasn’t allowed in I was taken for my blood pressure, height and weight

Back to the waiting room another wait the. I was taken to a room with 3 staff who asked me some questions back to the waiting room

A different nurse came and collected me and explained I was going for a scan but at this stage )just over 7 weeks it’s often hard to see and an internal exam would probably be needed. It was. Where I was told that the pregnancy was ectopic and explained that it was in my Fallopian tube. After I got dressed I got put in a ‘quiet room’ on my own for ‘10 minutes’ whilst she wrote up the measurements about 45minutes later a consultant appeared asking questions (what I couldn’t tell you it was such a blur) I got taken into another room with 3 staff from earlier and this consultant more questions and tests and swabs and blood taken they allowed me to message my husband and a nurse went out to collect him so he could come in.

We were then put in a room and told if I had my surgery by 5 I’d probably be allowed home that day if not I’d have to stay over ( This alone for someone who has never really been in a hospital never mind had surgery or stayed overnight was terrifying enough) the staff nurse was amazing and let my husband stay in the room with me she said she would keep me in her department until theatre was ready so I could stay with him. We had to wait for my Covid results until I could be taken.

An anethasist came and spoke to us and left they came and took more blood and after arriving at the hospital at 9.30 I was given a gown and stockings and a bed was wheeled into the room for me. My husband had to leave at about 3.15 as I was taken to wait for theatre. I didn’t get chance to say bye to the staff nurse or Thankyou

I was wheeled into another room with 5 people ( a different anethatist who spoke to us) and asked aload more question before been put to sleep

I woke up around 2 hours later with 3 strangers in yet another room and spoke to apparently about the operation but I have no recollection of this at all.

I have never been so scared or felt so alone.

I was wheeled onto a ward and given the bag my husband had been brought in where I spent the night I had my blood pressure and temp taken numerous times throughout the evening and night I finally managed to fall asleep at about half 2 to be woken 20minutes later to another patient shouting nodded back off to be woken for my OBS to be checked. I think I got a very broken 2 hours sleep if that in between lights been switched on shouting buzzers etc

The next morning 2 different doctors came to speak to me at around 10 told me I’d be allowed home and mentioned the surgeon had informed me of what had been done etc when I said I had no idea they explained again and showed me photos of what had been removed - my left tube along with the pregnancy - I think this is when it started to fester in my mind that I had lost our baby.

I’m 35 and although in the back of my mind I’ve always wanted at least one child the thought of pregnancy and giving birth always petrified me it was only when me and my husband decided we would start trying as we thought it was getting to a now or never stage that something finally clicked and I realised I wanted this and could do it.

So I had only just accepted that I was pregnant and we were going to have a baby and now I have to start accepting that this isn’t the case and that tiny life has gone already.

I am unsure how I am suppose to feel I don’t want to speak to anybody other than my husband or see them because I don’t know what to say I don’t know how to answer the ‘how are you’ ‘how do you feel’ questions because right now other than the physical pain I just don’t know.

I feel I have rambled and apologise for that but just needed somewhere I could put it down I think even just for myself to come back to and read later

[Viain]

Stuff that that was said at the hospital is still registering now like the fact they kept calling it a ‘live’ ectopic pregnancy

And how if it wasn’t removed and my tube ruptured I could be at risk and how when reading stuff about it they use ‘life threatening’ is still sinking in and making me ask what happens if it happens again!

[imwa]

I had my surgery almost a month ago now.. i didnt know i was pregnant, but we had been trying for 1 and a half years.. my fallopian tube had ruptured and I was bleeding internally, they operated within 20 min of my diagnosis. I also had never had surgery before, and I had always been very scared of anaesthesia.. because of covid my husband wasn't allowed to visit me in the hospital.. I was there for 3 days and 4 nights, and it was so hard being alone. There was another girl in the room with me and she was really nice, we bonded and even exchanged phone numbers afterwards. This was nice. The doctors and nurses were amazing to me. But same as you, I didn't know what to feel or think or do at the start..

I don't know your situation, but it helped me to ask someone I was close to, to inform my family and close friends for me. I wanted the people close to me to know, and I wanted to hear from them and know they loved me, but didn't have the strength to take the step to tell anyone..

It does get better, but I don't believe we ever forget. I've been back at work this week and I've been distracted and not thinking about it.. then today I broke down crying, from watching a tv show that featured a miscarriage.

Let all your emotions come to you, let them happen and cry as much as you can, it helps, it really does. Don't deny yourself your feelings, no matter what they are.

I found this website so helpful, because it made me feel like my feelings were normal and that I had a right to feel them, although I still feel sometimes like a fraud for feeling the loss when I didn't even know my baby was there before they took it. I can't help compare with others and think I have no right to feel the loss the same as them.. I think this is normal, but it's hard. The site here made me feel like I have the right to feel it, and that was a big help.

I'm rambling too now. I hope this somehow helps you.

[EPT Host 20]

Dear Viain,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss, having to go through this experience on your own is just heartbreaking and my heart truly goes out to you.

Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task. You have also had to process the loss of your baby and been through an immense rollercoaster of emotions - all of this will take time to come to terms with.

You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body's signals and pain and feeling tired are your body's signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.

Above all be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally. These boards are a safe space to share, ask questions, or to vent. They are filled with people who have been through similar experiences and journeys, and we are here for you for as long as you need.

Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
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