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When does it get easier?

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Ellie_w
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Jun 18, 2020 8:03 am

When does it get easier?

Post by Ellie_w »

Hi,
I had a miscarriage 6 months ago and then a live ectopic 2 weeks ago. I had to have surgery and one of my tubes removed. I am physically healing pretty well, but mentally I am finding it so hard. I’ve cried almost every day. I thought I was coping better when I didn’t cry for 2 days but then I can’t help it and have cried again the last few days. When does it get easier? I’m furloughed at the moment and due back at work in a couple of weeks time. I’m not worried about people at work knowing as I think it helps, and I think there should be more awareness about ectopic pregnancy but at the moment my husband is back at work after looking after me for a week (he’s been amazing but has found it really hard too) and I find I’m at home on my own thinking about what’s happened which doesn’t really help. I guess I’m just asking you all how you all coped and when it got easier for you mentally. We really want a family and just feel like whenever we get hope of having one, it gets taken away from us xxx

Sanwars2206
Posts: 38
Joined: Mon May 25, 2020 10:14 am

Re: When does it get easier?

Post by Sanwars2206 »

Hi Ellie_w

My 1st ectopic I was really immune it was a long drawn out process & I think because of that I grieved quickly & then got on with the hospital app’s etc.
My 2nd ectopic resulted in surgery, in 7 weeks post surgery & feel the same. I cud cry everyday if I let myself & some days I can’t contain it, it’s too much & I do cry.
Things people say annoy me to a level they have never done before, I can go from one extreme to the other in seconds.
There is not set time we all take our own time & nothing is right or wrong.
My husband has suggested this time that we speak to the docs because we just don’t seem to be getting anywhere with grieving or moving forward.
Don’t beat urself up or expect a date when it will be better but one day it will.
Take care x

EPT Host 20
Posts: 1796
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 9:58 pm

Re: When does it get easier?

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Ellie_w,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and losses. To experience one loss is difficult to deal with multiple losses is heartbreaking and my heart truly goes out to you.

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body's signals and pain and feeling tired are your body's signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.

Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.

For yourself and Sanwars2206, although your feelings at this stage are completely normal, if you feel like the down days start to outweigh the good, we at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services.

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

Be kind to yourselves and allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally,

Sending much love,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
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During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
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Ellie_w
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Jun 18, 2020 8:03 am

Re: When does it get easier?

Post by Ellie_w »

Thank you both for your replies. They really mean so much to me. It is so hard to get through but we will get there. I may well take you up on ringing you next week at the EPT. I think it could help. I cried again so much this morning. I even went and saw our vicar who married us as I thought it would be good to see someone I knew who wasn’t family. He was so helpful and lovely and told me that it is normal to be as upset as I am. My husband and I have been so overwhelmed by everyone who has supported us the last couple of weeks.
Sanwars2206, I’m so sorry that you have gone through 2 ectopic pregnancies. I hope you recover emotionally soon and you and your husband get the help you need. By saying that you’re 5 weeks ahead of me and still feel so upset makes me feel more normal. Thank you so much for messaging me back. I am really grateful.
Ellie xx

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