Recent ectopic feeling empty

[Ysella]

I am feeling so empty inside.... anyone else like this or has any coping strategies pleaseee

My story:
I went to my local hospital on Monday 21st Sept for an early pregnancy scan ( in the fertility clinic 7 and half weeks pregnant, I knew I was after 12 months under the fertility clinic for 2nd time and 7 months with meds to help conceive) and there and then they diagnosed me with an eptopic pregnancy.

On the scan we could see baby, the heart beat and bowl movements.

There was also a sac in my uterus but we (scanner and I) couldn't see a baby or movement in it.

I was told it was probably a twin pregnancy where one that got stuck in my tube was viable and still growing but the one in the right place in my uterus was not viable, and I'd have to miscarry that. (I have since miscarried it, it was horrible)

Lying on the bed by myself being scanned and told the above was totally gut wrenching.
I dont think I have any tears left.

I was wheeled up to the ward and had emergency surgery (within 2 hours from the scan I was being operated on)
The consultants have removed the fetus sac etc and the whole of my right tube. Which will hinder any potential fertility

I have 4 cuts ( 2 are a bit bigger than key hole) with stitches in my abdomen. All of which are still very sore.

I opted for the pregnancy tissue including the baby is be collectively cremated with other pregnancy tissues and fetuses at the Crematorium rather than having a private cremation or burial.

Baby was 12.8mm so small I thought I really didn't need to have a full service for it.

All a bit of a shock to be honest,
The ectopic started to rupture as it was still growing (20ml on my discharge note), I had no symptoms what so ever no pain, no bleeding, NOTHING think that's what made it so hard!!!

My husband is just as saddened as me. We've lost 1, potentially 2 babies and my right tube. I have been told previously via the fertility group my left tube was at risk of ectopic as it has adhesions. We did not expect it to get stuck in the right tube.

Worst thing is I had to go through it all by myself the scan, the diagnosis, being wheeled in a wheel chair to the ward, talking to consultants, making the decision about the baby, going to theatre and recovery then a night and day on the ward alone with no support and no phone battery all because of stupid covid-19

Husband and I both struggled massively with that.

But at least I am safe but my arms & hands are bruised and are a mess from multiple canulars.

I went hospital again a week later for hcg blood tests 4 attempts and holes at getting the blood out I had the results Tuesday, my pregnancy levels have dropped but not totally so was told to take a home pregnancy test the following week. (I havent as cant bring my self to buy one let alone pee on one)

I am off work for at least 3 weeks.
Emotionally I am all over the place.

It was all so quick with no warning. I knew of ectopics just I thought you took a tablet and it 'dissolved' but my babies heart was still beating I had no option but surgical management.

I have had no support or info on being discharged. I have googled ans googles to help find answers. I came across this charity and I am hoping people who have been though this (I am deeply saddened for you all) can help me get stronger and see positives.

Thank you all for your time.

[EPT Host 20]

Dear Ysella,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss, it truly saddens me knowing there are ladies going through this trauma without loved ones by their side for support. I am glad you have found us and we will be here to help in any way we can.

Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task. You have also had to process the loss of your baby and been through an immense rollercoaster of emotions - all of this will take time to come to terms with.

You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body's signals and pain and feeling tired are your body's signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.

Above all be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally.
Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
**************************************************************************
During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
***************************************************************************

[Ysella]

Thank you so much for your reply. Really means a lot.
I've had 0 advice, if and when can we start trying to conceive again?
I had surgical management.

I would have been 11 weeks today and the dates are hard to swallow.

I've been signed off work by GP for another 3 weeks (6 in total that will be) but even then I am not sure emotionally I am ready to go back, I work in [Brand Name not allowed] so 200+ employees.
My closest colleagues know it's not a secret it's just very sensitive. I worry how I am going to answer people when they ask why I was off (as they will)

Help please xxxx

[EPT Host 20]

Dear Ysella,
Regarding conceiving again following surgery, we and many medical professionals advise waiting for two menstrual cycles. It is important to allow time for your body to recover and emotions to surface and be worked through. This is so that you have some comfort that your body is returning to its natural rhythm and you have a last menstrual period date from which to date a new pregnancy - key information in checking you are not suffering from an ectopic pregnancy in the future. The first bleed soon after surgery for ectopic pregnancy is not classed as a period as it is the body's response to falling hormone levels.

It is normal to feel anxious about the future. We experience a mix of emotions from wanting to try again to being petrified of what may lie ahead. We never forget but we can learn to accept what happened. It is a slow process that might be weeks or months ahead. In time, we can get to a place where we feel comfortable trying again. When this is, is individual for each person. There is no timeframe for recovery, take each day as it comes.
Importantly early scans avail. As soon as you know you are pregnant, contact your local EPU to inform them and book in for an early scan at around six weeks. Remind them of your previous ectopic pregnancy. This self refer route is the best route in our view. Hopefully you will have some comfort to know you are under the radar of medical professionals right away.
Making the decision to begin trying to conceive is an emotional rollercoaster compounded by our sad loss. Again, you are not alone. We here emotional support whenever you need us. There is a specific Preparing for your Next Pregnancy board you can look at too whenever feel ready.

Surgery is an immense ordeal for the body to go through. In general, after about six weeks you should be able to return to most jobs from a physical point of view. However, if your role involves manual handling, we suggest that it would be sensible to have a phased approach, gently building up to the usual extent of activity. I would suggest avoiding a rapid return to strenuous activities as it is important to build up strength after recovery.
A few options may be available depending on your role: might there be an opportunity to work reduced hours, increasing them slowly over a few weeks? Perhaps there are certain tasks that you could take on which may entail a change from your usual role or a series of reduced tasks initially? I am not sure whether this is appropriate in your circumstances, but is there anything that you could action from home (which may be different from your usual role but still be of use)?
Many women experience pain after surgery and this can be the case weeks or months after the trauma. Pain is the body's sign to rest and it is important to be guided by this and taking it easier if you experience discomfort.
In addition, it is worth bearing in mind that experiencing ectopic pregnancy is a very frightening experience and many women need to take time to help them deal with the psychological/emotional impact of the loss of their baby, being diagnosed with a life-threatening condition and undergoing major surgery. Please speak to your GP about having further time off work if required.

It's ok for you to feel emotional when people ask you about what's happened. Do not worry about this, I'm sure you colleagues will understand. Importantly we are here for emotional support whenever you need us.

Sending much love,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
**************************************************************************
During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
***************************************************************************