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You never forget

This is a welcoming place for you to ask your questions and share your knowledge and experiences of ectopic pregnancy.
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Posts: 1
Joined: Fri Oct 16, 2020 11:58 am

You never forget

Post by Wendy1 »

Hi lovelies

Gosh it seems strange being back here
I had my ectopic pregnancy back in October 1998, so it is coming up to 22 years.
I must have been one of the first to contact this organisation, and use the advice and forum that was available, it was a lifeline during the months and years that followed.
I am unsure why i feel the need to share this now, I think baby loss awareness week has put it to the front of my mind, and I hope by sharing this story it may help someone who is struggling.
One of my greatest fears was i would forget! I didn't have scan picture or anything tangible to hold on to as I was only 6 weeks pregnant at the time, and I was very lucky I had a knowledgeable and cautious midwifery team who took the small amount of bleeding seriously enough to scan me.
Afterwards I struggled to get pregnant, and was diagnosed with polycysitic ovaries, a shock as I already had a two year old.
I started the process of fertility treatment, but became pregnant naturally 2 years after my ectopic pregnancy. i had an early scan where there was no heartbeat, as it was a very very early, and then held my breath for a couple of weeks, and the relief of seeing that blob with a heartbeat in the right place was amazing.
The blob is now 19 years old, love the bones of him even though he drives me to distraction.
I suppose the reassurance i would like to give is that you don't ever forget, but you learn to live what is a different life than the one you may of had planned. I know that baby spirit is with me, and I quietly celebrate every milestone she would have met. I talk about my experience when it is relevant, and doing that became easier with time. Grief is difficult and it hit me between the eyes 6 months after my son was born. There is no right or wrong way of dealing with it, it takes time patience, self care and love, and leaning on those who are there to support you. It took me down a path I didn't plan to go down, and made me determined to succeed, I made a decision that for me the worse thing that could happen had, so I was going to live a full and happy life, as if things went wrong it would never be as bad as losing my baby.
If I could go back now and speak to myself in the weeks and months after losing my baby, I think the advice I would have given is cry, shout, scream. Stop expecting others to understand they won't! Accept offers of help and let yourself be looked after! Stop looking for answers and stop asking why, you will drive yourself insane! It is not your fault, be kind to yourself, and when the times right look forward to the future its a magical place.
Lots of love and luck on everyone's journey.

Posts: 21
Joined: Thu Dec 05, 2019 11:58 pm

Re: You never forget

Post by Honeydrop9 »

Hi Wendy,
Your post has given me hope.. I'm coming up to the one year mark and keep having to remind myself that it's OK to still feel sad occasionally. Thankyou for sharing your experience with us all... Love and hugs, Cxx

EPT Host 20
Posts: 2022
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 9:58 pm

Re: You never forget

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Wendy1,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
Thank you so much for taking the time to write this and share such a personal experience. It is beautifully written and will help so many women.
Sending much love,
Karen x

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