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Grief and relationships after ectopic
Grief and relationships after ectopic
I am 32, had my first pregnancy which turned out to be ectopic a couple of months ago. I have to admit I am struggling with everyday, called the Trust before but all I could say was cry so I hang up. The Trust called me back the next day but I was too embarrassed to speak so I hang up again.
To describe my story, I started to feel left side low abdominal pain and bleed which prompted me to take pregnancy test which was positive. I was both ecstatic and terrified, I really wanted a child but was scared something was wrong. We went to 3 hospitals (1 referred us to another and so on). My symptoms were clear, nevertheless doctors failed to give me a scan for almost 2 weeks and I ended up with an emergency surgery saving my life. I have thought about it a lot, considered the ethic side of it and finally decided to sue NHS for negligence. If they haven't failed to give me a scan, bleeding and in pain, I would have saved my fallopian tube and wouldn't need to go through the surgery and recovery. I know they couldn't have saved my baby, but I really could have died and it scares me a lot.
I find it difficult to come to terms about the loss of the baby I really wanted which is topped up with my partner's reactions which were supportive in a way but on the other hand he insisted on me taking contraceptive pills now even though I didn't want to. It makes me think he never wanted this baby which is against what he used to say. He even moved out now to his parents refusing to pay rent and bills and I am here on my own with my grief and responsibilities with 'every day world', trying to deliver working full time. I came to UK few years ago for career purposes, I have no family here. I try to fight this with keeping myself busy, I am currently studying for a professional exam due later this month, I've attended a number of zoom events about baby loss awareness this week to keep my head around it, hoping it will release some of my grief but I tend to just sit there, listen and cry.
Nevertheless, I would really like to thank you all for sharing your stories, reading them makes me feel like I am not alone.
M.
Re: Grief and relationships after ectopic
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Re: Grief and relationships after ectopic
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss.
You have been through a huge amount in such a short space of time and it is very normal to feel overwhelmed. From your words, I can imagine how frightening the experience must have been and I am sorry you have had to go though this.
Your partner moving out and you loosing your support network will be compounding your emotions of feeling alone and it is vitally important that you get the help and support you deserve.
Please don't feel embarrassed that you cried on the telephone to a member of the team. Most of us who volunteer and work for the Trust do so because we have experienced ectopic pregnancy ourselves. We truly understand how you feel. You have friends here and we are here to support you.
We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. The helpline service is still available to you and we would truly welcome a call from you and a chance to support you. There's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam.
If you do not feel ready to talk to someone just yet we can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.
In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling.
We have information on our website about finding counselling services and we have more information here: http://www.ectopic.org.uk/patients/emotional-impact/
The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/
Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.
Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
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During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.
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Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
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