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At a loss

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Joined: Fri Oct 30, 2020 10:14 am

At a loss

Post by DevastatedDad »


I came across this forum after hours of sleepless research trying to understand everything about ectopic pregnancies.

In September we discovered that we were expecting and after getting over the initial shock and surprise, we were over the moon and looking forward to starting a family.

However on Wednesday morning my wife had strong pain in her lower abdomen and I took her to A&E. 6 hours of COVID related separation and an emergency scan, I was allowed into the hospital and told we had an ectopic pregnancy and the fear was that it had ruptured. On the way to the ward, my wife had a fit and they operated that night. I was told that she lost 4 pints of blood and had a massive transfusion. I realised then how close I came to losing my best friend.

Since then I’ve been running on adrenaline and just being there for her. She’s not home yet but I honestly don’t know how to deal with my feelings and how I can help her recover from this mentally and physically. When the time is right I’m going to tell her about this site as I think it will help but in the meantime all I can do is sit at home alone and wait to bring her home.

EPT Host 22
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Joined: Fri Nov 20, 2015 10:26 am

Re: At a loss

Post by EPT Host 22 »

Hi Devastated Dad,

My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry that your wife and you are suffering an ectopic pregnancy and loss. I know what a confusing and heartbreaking time this can be. I'm glad you have found this website and these boards. Everyone here is, unfortunately, connected by this experience.

The experience you have gone through is made harder during this pandemic. Please know, there was nothing that was done to cause this ectopic pregnancies, nor anything we can do to prevent them. The most important thing is to look after yourself and your wife. The recovery, both physically and emotionally, had no set pathway. It is different for each person and takes time.

As best as you can keep the communication open between your wife and yourself. I often recommend to women that a journal may help them start processing their thoughts and emotions. Often there is so much to express after this experience and it can be hard to sort through everything.

If you or she are interested in exploring counselling, we suggest that you ask for a referral by your GP or use a practitioner who has undertaken recognised training and is registered with the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy. It is also a good idea to look for someone who has an interest in the area of women’s health or fertility problems. The charity MIND also can provide counselling with trained practitioners locally at affordable prices. Counselling charges are means-tested (you pay what you can afford) and so you may receive counselling support for a nominal fee or even for free.

Please know we are with you and your wife and we are here for you for as long as you need.

With good wishes,


The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.
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Joined: Sun Oct 18, 2020 7:28 pm

Re: At a loss

Post by Brewster26 »

Hi Devastated Dad,

I understand a little bit of what you are going through. An ectopic pregnancy is traumatic during the best of times, but covid has really amplified the trauma. We had to wait six hours to be seen. My wife was fortunate enough for the pregnancy to be identified in the tube before it ruptured. I found the whole experience very challenging and frightening, especially when she went off for surgery, so can't imagine how difficult this whole situation has been for you. I don't know about you but the only real concern I had throughout was that my wife came back OK. I have my fingers crossed for your wife's speedy recovery. This website has been a lifeline for my wife and I over the past month in managing and understanding the emotions behind it.

Sending all my very best wishes, and stay in touch

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