Hi everyone,
I am new to this board and I thought I'd tell my story. I move to the UK from Canada and have been living here for over 10 years now. I have a non-existant circle of friends as the pandemic made them all move away. I live with my partner but due to several reasons, he is unable to support me. So I am pretty much on my own in this grieving process.
I am 36 years old and have only started trying in February. When I missed my period in March, I took a pregnancy test and found out that I was pregnant. I was overjoyed. I couldn't believe my luck as I know so many people who struggled with getting pregnant. But then I started having a very dull pain on my left groin. Being paranoid (in this care, it was the best frame of mind to be in apparently), I took myself to A&E. My pregnancy urine test was borderline so I was referred to the Early Pregnancy clinic. On the first appointment, they didn't see anything in my scan and my pregnancy test was definitely positive. My HCG was 37.4 (about 4 weeks pregnant) and progesterone at a perfect level. Second HCG was again 37.4. The third blood test showed 39.0. I was scanned again today and they found that my baby had decided to settle in my left tube. I was completely devastated. I was advised to return on Monday for another blood test. Because the HCG level is so low (5 weeks now), the OB is hoping for expectant management. But if my levels rise on Monday, I will be taken to theatre then and there. I just don't know how to take this news. I am now alone in my room, trying to process all these emotions all by myself. I don't know if I want anyone by my side or I just want to be alone. I just don't know if I should try and stay positive or just process these emotions. I don't know what to do. I cried so much that my eyes are sore.
Sorry for the long post. But thank you for reading.
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Seeking support
Re: Seeking support
Hi Lyn
I’m new to this forum too. Sorry to hear you are also going through this. I am also 36 and was diagnosed with an ectopic at 6 weeks 2 days on Monday. I was immediately taken for surgery and am now at home recovering.
Not sure what to say that can make you feel better other than you are not alone in this. We have been TtC for 4 years and have had 2 previous miscarriages and one failed round of IVF last year. We were soooo excited to have fallen pregnant and utterly gutted that this pregnancy had to end. It is really tough as unless you have been through this I don’t think people can fully empathize however hard they try.
If it gives you any comfort although I feel a bit beaten up physically and emotionally I’ve been taking walks every day since which has really helped me keep my head straight. When I experienced my miscarriages I felt incredibly sad was scared I wouldn’t be able to be happy again but with a bit of time and focusing on the ways in which i am lucky I did start to smile again and knowing I have come through similar before is giving me comfort now.
Sending you so much positivity and strength. Try to stay strong and let yourself cry when you need to.
L xx
I’m new to this forum too. Sorry to hear you are also going through this. I am also 36 and was diagnosed with an ectopic at 6 weeks 2 days on Monday. I was immediately taken for surgery and am now at home recovering.
Not sure what to say that can make you feel better other than you are not alone in this. We have been TtC for 4 years and have had 2 previous miscarriages and one failed round of IVF last year. We were soooo excited to have fallen pregnant and utterly gutted that this pregnancy had to end. It is really tough as unless you have been through this I don’t think people can fully empathize however hard they try.
If it gives you any comfort although I feel a bit beaten up physically and emotionally I’ve been taking walks every day since which has really helped me keep my head straight. When I experienced my miscarriages I felt incredibly sad was scared I wouldn’t be able to be happy again but with a bit of time and focusing on the ways in which i am lucky I did start to smile again and knowing I have come through similar before is giving me comfort now.
Sending you so much positivity and strength. Try to stay strong and let yourself cry when you need to.
L xx
Re: Seeking support
Hi LBrown,
Thank you for your message of kindness. I am so sorry you had to go through what you went through. You are right when you said that people can't fully understand unless they went through it themselves. The first thing I did when I found out about my ectopic was to call my family and friends who are all abroad. Despite the time difference, I was grateful they still picked up the phone. But they couldn't empathise and I still felt so alone. I also tried to speak with my partner but I still felt that he didn't understand the full extent of my pain (but I think he is just processing the loss differently). So finding this forum and hearing back from people like you really helps.
I spent the whole day crying yesterday. But today, I will try and keep my head straight like you and stay strong. I will still allow myself to cry when I need to. But I won't allow negativity pull me down.
I hope your recovery goes well. I wish you all the positivity and strength to overcome this.
xx
Thank you for your message of kindness. I am so sorry you had to go through what you went through. You are right when you said that people can't fully understand unless they went through it themselves. The first thing I did when I found out about my ectopic was to call my family and friends who are all abroad. Despite the time difference, I was grateful they still picked up the phone. But they couldn't empathise and I still felt so alone. I also tried to speak with my partner but I still felt that he didn't understand the full extent of my pain (but I think he is just processing the loss differently). So finding this forum and hearing back from people like you really helps.
I spent the whole day crying yesterday. But today, I will try and keep my head straight like you and stay strong. I will still allow myself to cry when I need to. But I won't allow negativity pull me down.
I hope your recovery goes well. I wish you all the positivity and strength to overcome this.
xx
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Re: Seeking support
Dear Lyn,
I am so sorry to hear of you ectopic pregnancy and loss.
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life-threatening emergency and its treatment, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.
We will all deal with that ectopic pregnancy differently, but I would suggest seeking support of loved ones if you can, especially as you mentioned you felt better once speaking to love ones.
You mentioned you will either be managed using expectant management or surgery, does your local hospital offer methotrexate injection. Methotrexate is used to be less invasive than surgery although it can be more of a long drawn out process. I will add more information on methotrexate here and if it is something you would consider please speak to your medical team.
https://ectopic.org.uk/treating-an-ectopic-pregnancy
Above all be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve and heal both physically and emotionally. We will be here for you for as long as you need.
Sending much love,
Karen x
I am so sorry to hear of you ectopic pregnancy and loss.
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life-threatening emergency and its treatment, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.
We will all deal with that ectopic pregnancy differently, but I would suggest seeking support of loved ones if you can, especially as you mentioned you felt better once speaking to love ones.
You mentioned you will either be managed using expectant management or surgery, does your local hospital offer methotrexate injection. Methotrexate is used to be less invasive than surgery although it can be more of a long drawn out process. I will add more information on methotrexate here and if it is something you would consider please speak to your medical team.
https://ectopic.org.uk/treating-an-ectopic-pregnancy
Above all be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve and heal both physically and emotionally. We will be here for you for as long as you need.
Sending much love,
Karen x
