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Just had ectopic surgery - looking for advice

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Butterfly2012
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Aug 09, 2022 1:33 am

Just had ectopic surgery - looking for advice

Post by Butterfly2012 »

I'm in hospital recovering from surgery, it's all been such shock, I didn't even know I was pregnant this morning

It's 1:45am and I'm exhausted yet I can't sleep. Questions are turning over and over in my mind and I wondered if anyone could help.

When the doctor comes round tomorrow (I'm still in hospital) I'd like to know the gender....I was 12 weeks pregnant....is this a reasonable question, and are they likely to know? I just feel it would help give me closure, which feels a long way off right now.

Also, does anyone have any advice on how to tell children, who would have been siblings, what has happened. I have an 11 year old girl. She is very mature in her thoughts, but is so so sensitive. I feel I need to tell her the truth, but I'm scared of the impact it will have on her. We almost lost her at birth and she is already very scared of one having children herself.

My mind is all over the place at the moment, but any advice would be very much appreciated.

I know I need to rest, but my mind is just so churned up. I want sleep, but just can't. Keep telling myself it's early days....literally day one.

Butterfly2012
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Aug 09, 2022 1:33 am

Re: Just had ectopic surgery - looking for advice

Post by Butterfly2012 »

Butterfly2012 wrote:
Tue Aug 09, 2022 1:45 am
I'm in hospital recovering from surgery, it's all been such shock, I didn't even know I was pregnant this morning

It's 1:45am and I'm exhausted yet I can't sleep. Questions are turning over and over in my mind and I wondered if anyone could help.

When the doctor comes round tomorrow (I'm still in hospital) I'd like to know the gender....I was 12 weeks pregnant....is this a reasonable question, and are they likely to know? I just feel it would help give me closure, which feels a long way off right now.

Also, does anyone have any advice on how to tell children, who would have been siblings, what has happened. I have an 11 year old girl. She is very mature in her thoughts, but is so so sensitive. I feel I need to tell her the truth, but I'm scared of the impact it will have on her. We almost lost her at birth and she is already very scared of one day having children herself.

My mind is all over the place at the moment, but any advice would be very much appreciated.

I know I need to rest, but my mind is just so churned up. I want sleep, but just can't. Keep telling myself it's early days....literally day one.

Sonia
Posts: 60
Joined: Sat Oct 13, 2018 10:57 am

Re: Just had ectopic surgery - looking for advice

Post by Sonia »

Dear Butterfly

I am truly sorry for your loss… it is heartbreaking. I read your post this morning but wasn’t sure how to respond… I felt sad… I’m wishing you recovery.
It is fine to know if your baby was a boy or a girl. I would want to know.
Sending you love x

EPT Host 20
Posts: 3155
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 10:58 pm

Re: Just had ectopic surgery - looking for advice

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Butterfly,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
When we experience ectopic pregnancy, we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal, if this was a planned pregnancy or not.

I am sorry if this is a little difficult to read, please take your time and stop if it is upsetting. Generally with ectopic pregnancy as the embryo doesn't implant into the womb lining, it usually doesn't get the nutrients it needs to develop properly so although you were 12 weeks along, it possible that the embryo wouldn't have developed properly for you to know the sex. I would suggest asking the question however.

It is difficult to advise on how to discuss this with your daughter without knowing her. I have a 10 year old and I guess I would stick to the facts. Sadly early pregnancy loss (including miscarriage) is quite common, although ectopic pregnancy is less common. It can be very frustrating as most women do not ever find a cause for ectopic pregnancy. Reassure her that during early pregnancy if she had symptoms of pain or bleeding, to seek urgent medical advice and there is no research to suggest this is hereditary.
We have information on our website about ectopic pregnancy if this helps
https://ectopic.org.uk/what-is-an-ectopic-pregnancy

You have been through so much in such a short space of time and from your own words I can only imagine how frightening this must have been for you. Please be kind to yourself and take the time to recover both physically and emotionally.

Generally speaking, should take it very easy for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time so please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others. One day you may be okay and the next you may be in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body signals. Pain and feeling tired are your body signals to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy diet drinking lots of water and resting.

We will be here for you for as long as you need,
Sending much love,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
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