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Joined: Wed Dec 20, 2023 10:29 pm


Post by kezgratto03+ »

I have recently lost my baby, and am struggling with a few aspects and wondered if anyone else has experienced the same.

After a traumatic time and a week of searching for my baby, to then have to have emergency surgery to find where they were hiding, they removed my tube and baby.

Physical side, is it normal to have stitch pains from time to time under your breast?
Also pain in your groin from time to time too?

How long to fully recover after Laparoscopic surgery? I have been given no check up or anything and no advice so feel a bit lost.

Mental side, I know I won’t know the sex officially as I am assuming I was too early as 6 weeks, 6 days. But as I had exactly the same cravings as I did with my daughter, my heart was saying a girl.

I’ve chosen a communal burial, which I am waiting for the date to be confirmed, so I have purchased a porcelain heart plate to place at the grave, and have chosen a name - is this ok?

I am struggling with the knowledge that all of my plans for the life I was about to embark on with my partner (his first) and my daughter (from previous marriage), is not coming to fruition.
I had envisioned how I would announce the pregnancy, and how life would look.

I feel envious of people with babies, and cry a lot about it all.

Is this all normal reactions?

EPT Host 22
Posts: 668
Joined: Fri Nov 20, 2015 10:26 am

Re: Advice

Post by EPT Host 22 »

Hi Kezgratto03,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss. Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal, and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery, which is in itself a grueling task. You have also had to process the loss of your baby and been through an immense rollercoaster of emotions - all of this will take time to come to terms with.

You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time, and some days will be better than others; one day, you may be okay, and the next, you may be in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body's signals and pain and feeling tired are your body's signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy, balanced diet, drinking lots of water, and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise, such as a short walk, can help, but please do take this slowly.

In addition, it is worth bearing in mind that experiencing ectopic pregnancy is a very frightening experience, and many women need to take time to help them deal with the psychological/emotional impact of the loss of their baby, being diagnosed with a life-threatening condition, and undergoing major surgery. We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can help the healing process. We are more than happy to talk with you by email or telephone and answer any questions you may have or simply listen to your experience. In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help, and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling. The charity, Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too:

Be kind to yourself in your recovery. We suffer both physical and emotional trauma through ectopic pregnancy, and it can take some time to feel back to ourselves. Please know we are here for you for as long as you need.

With good wishes,


The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
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Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Dec 20, 2023 10:29 pm

Re: Advice

Post by kezgratto03+ »

Thank you Michelle for your kind words of support and advice, very much appreciated.

I will be taking this all on board and be kind to myself.

I have requested counselling numbers from the bereavement team who are dealing with the cremation and I’ve also requested a call with yourselves at the Trust :)

This forum is also helping as I no longer feel alone in how I am feeling or wrong to feel the way I feel.

Thank you so much xxxx

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