Hi all,
I am 12 days post surgery for my ectopic pregnancy and removal of my left tube (second ectopic on this tube - first treated with methotrexate). My friends have been a wonderful support, but I am struggling with my emotions towards them. Most of my friends have babies or young children. Several, including my best friend, are currently pregnant. While they've been incredibly caring, I currently feel like I want nothing to do with them. I feel distant, jealous and frustrated that they all have what I want. Several of them have had fertility issues and pregnancy losses (though no ectopics), so they do offer valid advice, but I feel like they don't really understand how an ectopic pregnancy makes me feel. My best friend fell pregnant straight away and it has all been smooth sailing for her. My baby would only have been a few months younger than hers. I'm not sure how I will ever be able to connect with and feel part of my friendship groups again. At this point I feel incredibly lonely and guilty for feeling such resentment towards them. Any advice from those who have experienced similar?
Thank you.
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Friendships after ectopic
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EPT Host 20
- Posts: 3176
- Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 10:58 pm
Re: Friendships after ectopic
Dear KathrynMary86,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
We hear from many women who struggle with news about pregnancy from their friends and families. This is very normal and I was the same after my loss. When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It's what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space and please protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us "bad" people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful. Please do be gentle with yourself and you can talk to us whenever you need.
We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.
Sending much love,
Karen x
**********************************************************************************************
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?
Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk
Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.
Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.
**********************************************************************************************
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
We hear from many women who struggle with news about pregnancy from their friends and families. This is very normal and I was the same after my loss. When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It's what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space and please protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us "bad" people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful. Please do be gentle with yourself and you can talk to us whenever you need.
We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.
Sending much love,
Karen x
**********************************************************************************************
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?
Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk
Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.
Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.
**********************************************************************************************
Re: Friendships after ectopic
I experienced the same feelings. I was honest with my best friend who was pregnant and just said I needed some space for a bit. I told her it had nothing to do with anything she did or didn't say, that it was just too hard and made me too sad to be around her. She was super understanding and just sent me texts everyonce in awhile to check in. I just saw her for the first time last week (shes about 36 weeks) since my ectopic in April and I was so glad I had waited until the grieving process was primarily over. I was able to enjoy her and her big ol belly and be happy for her rather than being sad and jealous. I definitely still experienced those feelings alittle bit but not that bad.
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KathrynMary86
- Posts: 28
- Joined: Sun Jun 03, 2018 10:03 am
Re: Friendships after ectopic
Thank you both so much. It is good to feel I’m not alone in these feelings and I will take up the advice offered.
Appreciate it very much. Xx
Appreciate it very much. Xx
