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An Awful Exerience

Just for men to post our questions and share our opinions about ectopic pregnancies. Please note this board is for men only. If you wish to ask a general question please post on the main board.
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Posts: 1
Joined: Sat May 02, 2020 9:08 am

An Awful Exerience

Post by grifter »

Hi All

I just joined here and noticed not much in the men's section for ectopic pregnancy. So thought I would post.

Having a look around the net it seems there is a perception that for a guy, an ectopic, or even a miscarriage/loss of a child, isn't such a big deal as it is for a woman or they can get over it in "a couple of weeks", well I can categorically say it is just as bad, maybe not the physical after affects, bu the mental affects are horrific, and long lasting.

It's got to be the most challenging and upsetting thing I have ever went through, and after 2 years the pain is almost as bad, in fact it never really hit me till a Year later. Add onto that not being able to concieve again due to stress, upset, things being very matter of fact, we tried absolutely everything afterwards, despite being checked out and everything fine, we even went for IVF,everything looked great then it failed, I've never seen someone so upset than after that failed, it truly is horrific is the only way I can describe it.

Besides all that we have watched with much pain other friends couple fall pregnant multiple times since then, who really don't understand the pain we go through every single day. We walk through towns only to bump into an expectant mother at every corner, or to have that long walk along a pavement towards a pram being pushed towards us ever so slowly.

We fall into depression every month as period comes along again, thinking maybe next month, the power of maybe!

Personally I've been off work multiple times with stress, I just could not cope at all, and it's a good job with decent people, not stressful.

I was in hospital for really high blood pressure for a week, I would probably have a stroke or heart attack if I didn't get treatment urgently, nothing wrong with my organs, just huge stress and feeling of fear and faliure. I've piled on 5 stone, I'm on meds for Blood pressure, life is not good, I won't say horrible, we live in hope but even that has slowly ebbed away.

I fear for the future, a future with no kids. The more I see those happly familes all walking their brood around it makes me cringe, you actually get to a point of detesting their happiness, I know it's not good, it isn't good, but that's the way it makes you.

Not trying to be a debbie downer but the reality is this kind of thing is life-changing and not very pleasant. You start questioning yourself, why oh why is this happening to me, it's like being beaten down to the ground, only to get up and beaten down again and again, until you can take no more, but somehow you just have to get up again.

Only to find out your neighbour is noe expecting! It never ends!

If anyone of you have experienced this I can categorically say I know how you feel.

EPT Host 22
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Joined: Fri Nov 20, 2015 10:26 am

Re: An Awful Exerience

Post by EPT Host 22 »

Hi Grifter,

Thank you for sharing your story here. It is important to emphasize that ectopic pregnancies affect everyone and that men also feel the emotional trauma. I'm so sorry to hear all that you have been through and that you are both going through. There is nothing easy about this path, and it can feel incredibly unfair.

Seeing friends and family become pregnant can be a particularly difficult situation, and it's natural to grieve the plans that we had thought would be ours. The Trust recommends "talking therapies" as a way to help in recovery as well. You can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counseling. The charity, Mind, may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too:

From the bottom of my heart, please be kind to yourself through your recovery. We are here for you whenever you need.

With warm wishes,


The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards

During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.
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Joined: Wed May 13, 2020 7:44 am

Re: An Awful Exerience

Post by Andy23 »

Thank you for sharing Grifter. It helps a lot. My wife and I found out yesterday we have a ectopic pregnancy. Although our stories are not the same, I feel your pain and hope you and your partner receive some good news soon.

Posts: 1
Joined: Sat May 02, 2020 9:08 am

Re: An Awful Exerience

Post by grifter »

Andy23 wrote:
> Thank you for sharing Grifter. It helps a lot. My wife and I found out
> yesterday we have a ectopic pregnancy. Although our stories are not the
> same, I feel your pain and hope you and your partner receive some good news
> soon.

Hi Andy

Likewise re: good news.

We are trying IVF again as we've been trying to now over 2 Years with nada. I don't know if your partner had tube removal, if so it does make conception more complicated, it does happen and they say that women who have had ectopic, 85% go onto naturally concieve. I wish you all the best and that you recover from this awful experience.



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