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Accidental pregnancy

Just for men to post our questions and share our opinions about ectopic pregnancies. Please note this board is for men only. If you wish to ask a general question please post on the main board.
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Joined: Tue Jul 20, 2021 6:03 am

Accidental pregnancy

Post by Dsawyer »


My partner recommended this site too me to try and get me to identify the feeling that I don't know I am having.

Jsut over a month ago my partner rang me crying in agony unable to move. I said for her to ring 111 while I rush home. When I got home I came to seeing my very strong partner curled up in a ball crying.

111 had said they would call back in 2 hours or we should call them back if the pain got worse. We waited over 2 hours and had no call back and as things weren't getting better we called again. Same again we had to wait for a doctors call back but the difference is we had a less of a wait and was told to head to a&e.

It was the longest 30 minute drive I have ever done. Trying to keep my partner awake and not passing out was a very difficult thing.

I had to walk her into the a&e and put her in a chair and speak to the receptionist. Being told I couldn't go with her hurt. I waited for hours for her to call.

When she did she explained she was being transferred to the gynecology department at a different hospital. And that she had done a pregnancy test and it was positive (this was a shock as we weren't planning to have a child yet). All I could do at that point was go home and wait not knowing what was happening.

She finally rang to say they were going to rush her into surgery and that I could bring her clothes and if I was quick I can see her before she goes down. I rushed there and was thankful to get there just in time before she went.

The operation went well and she is making a good recovery physically. Mental recovery is taking its time.

What I find hard is to express and know what to feel. The whole event happened so fast I just don't know how I should feel. I am very good at putting my emotions into a box and sitting on them as I am putting her recovery and needs before mine.


EPT Host 22
Posts: 655
Joined: Fri Nov 20, 2015 10:26 am

Re: Accidental pregnancy

Post by EPT Host 22 »

Hi Dave,

My heart goes out to you and your partner for having to go through this experience. Ectopic pregnancies and the uncertainty surrounding them affect everyone. I'm glad that you have found these forums and I hope that you can see that you are not alone in this experience and in the challenges of the emotions.

Men and women often process the experience of this loss differently. Often men might feel that they need to be strong, as their partner is suffering the physical effects of surgery or mtx. However, the emotions affect them as well - the loss of a baby (even if it was a surprise), the fear of the potential loss of a partner, and the lack of control in a situation they weren't expecting. This experience has happened to you too, and it's natural to have emotions about it.

I always encourage women to try and write down these thoughts through a journal. It provides an opportunity to get them out, on to paper, and there may be ones that you want to share with your partner and family and friends. The Trust also offers an email service and helpline, with the details in the signature below, and we are always here for you.

You've found your way here. Sadly, we are all bound by this experience. Please know, that we are here for as long as you need.

With good wishes,


The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards

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