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How my husband has saved my life ...´I thought it was just a bad PMS..´.

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MayaDeGaia
Posts: 6
Joined: Sun May 22, 2022 10:48 am

How my husband has saved my life ...´I thought it was just a bad PMS..´.

Post by MayaDeGaia »

Hello, I would like to share my story. I thought I would take it a bit like a therapeutic writing session, considering posting it somewhere where my friends and family can read it. Please let me know if it feels way too personal, and you would feel weird being my acquaintance and reading this. Also pointing out any grammar mistakes would be appreciated as English is not my first language.


It's been 29 days since my surgery. I found this awesome forum, and I am finally able to comfortably keep a laptop on my belly, so why not share my story.

I thought it was just a bad PMS.. And it took a week longer than usual, big and tender breasts, bloating, dizziness, brain fog,tiredness.. 7 days after what would be a normal menstruation date, I decided to take a pregnancy test. It came out positive. I had mixed feelings, mostly surprised, scared, not sure if I would accept being pregnant now.
But my husband was very happy and assured me it will be great. He was the only guy who made me feel like I could count on him in case we ever got pregnant. So I was at least trying to accept that I might actually become a mother. I started thinking more about nutrition, quitting the main thing that managed my PTSD, because maybe it could be harmful to the baby, even thinking about having to buy bigger clothes because this maybe wasn't temporary PMS bloating,but something alien growing in my body...

Then I noticed the test was 2 years expired. I was actually relieved. I thought I will buy a new one on Monday. But I didn't have time to go get it,starting a new job and then in the afternoon I started to bleed and having symptoms of a horrible,draining and painful period. I still wanted to get the test, but they didn't need me at work, so I stayed at home in bed,exhausted and didn't go to the town until Friday. Fast-forward day 6, Saturday, I woke up with severe abdominal pain, which I thought was just a trapped gas and tried to walk it out (I have walked about 5 km,not knowing that I actually have internal bleeding). After I started crying with pain, my husband pointed out it could be ectopic pregnancy and persuaded me to go to the hospital if it doesn't get better in 2 hours. I forgot there was such a thing as ectopic pregnancy and ignored the fact that these past 6 days it was more like spotting than a period and I was actually bleeding more on day 6 than day 2 which is usually heaviest. So I was in worsening, excruciating pain for about 12 hours before surgery.
At the hospital I was nearing fainting, just signing papers agreeing to surgery, not even reading them, my husband waiting outside. When we were done with the examination and paperwork and the nurse was taking me to get ready for the surgery (already in a wheelchair as I couldn't walk), I just told him quickly between the door, I'm going for emergency laparoscopy, and though someone will tell him more. NOBODY did.
The waiting for surgery was the worst, because of the pain, the uncertainty, the feeling of unrealness. The PTSD I accumulated in the past 3 years started showing. The nurse had to shave my genitals and required me to lift my pelvis, which was really painful and the whole thing quite dehumanizing. The nurses and the doctors were like robots, hardened to any expressions of pain. I will never forget the pain when the doctor was taking the drainage pipe out of my belly 2 days later, plus the catheter removal on day 3.

It truly is strange to feel sad and be crying now on and off and not even knowing why, when I probably didn't really want this baby in the first place.

For me, the reasons for not really wanting a baby right now were:
-still recovering from PTSD, just got off antidepressants a few months ago,
-not having a job at the moment (only having part-time or non-official jobs since graduation 5 years ago anyway,not being clear on what I can do in this new remote area I moved to) and
-starting a new job in a month, I wanted to work there for at least a year before considering going on maternity leave (if I decided to).
-I am still not sure if I even want to be a mother, ever in my life. I was just starting to get back to honoring my Artemis archetype part. But having the possibility of motherhood somewhere in the future was different from having that door closed (if I don't want to do the long, expensive and stressful process of IVF).

Plus, after not conceiving for about 2 years, my husband and I thought one of us might be infertile anyway, and we were kind of ok with not having kids of our own. I feel ashamed for mentioning to people I think it's due to his smoking. But we also thought that in case I got pregnant, it would be a nice bonus, so we didn't consider contraception.


After the laparoscopic tube removal and uterus revision, they told me I had adhesions in my belly, even under my liver and on the other fallopian tube too. It was caused by some inflammation in the past, they assumed chlamydia I wouldn't even know about. Thinking back, I have to ask my doctor whether the real bad untreated UTI (I was travelling) I had 7 years ago could have been the cause, because I also started to have more painful periods after that. Both of the possible reasons would have been caused by my negligence of my health, which my husband very emotionally pointed out. So it is hard not to feel guilty. His point of course was not for me to feel guilty, but to start taking better care of myself. But I couldn't do even that.
A week after the surgery, when the scars and my insides weren't so painful, I started to do things that actually strained me too much. It was just too frustrating not to do anything about the mess in the house, eating the only meal my husband makes over and over again, all the garden work in the busiest time of the season left undone..so I started to do more, and then the next day felt more pain and less energy. And now, 29 days after surgery I oscillate between doing at least the less strenuous house and garden work and feeling positive and then the next day being exhausted, depressed, frustrated and crying.
And not really understanding what I'm crying about.
Probably just the missing fallopian tube and the other one blocked and the limitations of recovery. I am lucky enough not to be raised Christian and not considering a blob of tissue a baby. I don't grieve that set of cells that has almost killed me. I'm just a bit shaken, I could have died if it weren't for my husband. A few more hours of internal bleeding and I would faint and then might not wake up again.

Anyway, the only way to deal with this is to learn to be real compassionate with ourselves, maybe it's time I learned how to do it.. the hard way.

EPT Host 20
Posts: 3155
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 10:58 pm

Re: How my husband has saved my life ...´I thought it was just a bad PMS..´.

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Maya,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy loss.
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

Generally speaking, should take it very easy for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time so please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others. One day you may be okay and the next you may be in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body signals. Pain and feeling tired are your body signals to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy diet drinking lots of water and resting.

I personally found that although well-meaning, my friends and family didn't truly understand what I was going though. I think writing down your feelings to show your loved ones is a good idea and this is well written to express your feelings. You may wish to consider continuing to write down your experiences and emotions. A lot of people use journaling as a means to positively express the experience they are going through.

Above all, be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally.
Sending much love,
Karen x


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