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Why can’t I get over my loss?

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+hayley37+
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Nov 22, 2021 9:47 pm

Why can’t I get over my loss?

Post by +hayley37+ »

Today I would have been 39 weeks pregnant and due to be booked in for **-section but instead of holding my baby in my arms I’m feeling so alone & miss what would have been.
Does this get any easier?
Will I ever be able to just get over it like my partner tells me I should?
I try so hard to deal with this how people expect me to but I still grieve the loss of what I wanted so bad.
I just feel so alone at times.

EPT Host 20
Posts: 3155
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 10:58 pm

Re: Why can’t I get over my loss?

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Hayley,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
Significant dates such as due dates or anniversaries of loss can be particularly difficult and your feelings are normal. I experienced my ectopic pregnancy 12 years ago I still struggle on the anniversary date although the pain has lessened over the years so yes it does get easier.
Although well-meaning friends and family don't truly understand what it is like to experience baby loss through ectopic pregnancy so advising that we should be getting over it is incredibly unhelpful. Ectopic pregnancy can be very isolating, these boards are filled with women who have had similar experiences and we will be here for you for as long as you need.
Although your feelings are normal just now as you approach your due date, if the bad days start to outweigh the good, we at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services.

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

Many women also experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.

Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
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During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
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