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How to talk about it

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Mand22
Posts: 5
Joined: Thu Jun 30, 2022 11:52 am

How to talk about it

Post by Mand22 »

I had surgery 3 weeks ago to remove my left tube and pregnancy. When I took myself into A&E I knew deep down that it was ectopic but nothing could prepare me for the scare of internal bleeding, emergency surgery and loss. At the time I just hoped to pull through the surgery no matter what for the sake of my son and was incredibly grateful that the surgery went well. Afterwards though the emotions were overwhelming. I know that I am physically recovering, albeit slower than I expected, but I feel like there's soany thoughts and feelings. It's so hard to talk about and I don't want everyone to know but I feel like I need to talk. My mum is not the type of person to turn to, her responses are always "At least it wasn't ...." which right now is far from helpful. My partner is very caring and understanding but it hurts him too. Who do you turn to and how do you start talking about it?

Lyn_K
Posts: 36
Joined: Fri Mar 18, 2022 12:48 pm

Re: How to talk about it

Post by Lyn_K »

Hi Mand22,

I am sorry for what you are going through. I too struggled to talk about it as my parents would have the same response as your mom and my partner was also struggling. Plus, I live on a different country than my family and friends so I am pretty cut off from my support network. I found a lot of comfort from this trust. They offered counselling which was so helpful. I also went on facebook. I didn't have an account before but I needed to get in touch with people who had gone through what I had gone through. And it was really helpful to hear from others and comfort each other. The only downside though is that it's not properly moderated so sometimes it did lead to more worries so just be mindful of that. And if not, this forum is also an amazing source for comfort. It's not very active but it is probably a more comforting source than facebook as it's much better moderated.

I like to talk things through with people, to help me process my emotions. So I would just talk about my story, what happened, how I felt, etc. Some people ask questions. Some people just want that presence. You can try anything and see what works for you. But do talk about it. I'm sure everyone here will be all ears for you.

Big hugs x

EPT Host 22
Posts: 659
Joined: Fri Nov 20, 2015 10:26 am

Re: How to talk about it

Post by EPT Host 22 »

Hi Mand22,

Following an ectopic pregnancy can be a very confusing time and brings up so many emotions that we may not have expected. You have suffered physical and emotional trauma, and right now, it is so important to look after yourself. It's important to remember that there is nothing you did to cause or could have done to stop an ectopic pregnancy. Every woman is unique, we all process it in different ways. Some days are better and some days are harder. Over time, the initial feelings may fade, but we don't forget. Your well-being is the most important thing right now. these boards are full of men and women who understand the challenges of ectopic pregnancies.

I found that journaling was a way for me to get my thoughts onto paper, helping me to make sense of my emotions and to share them with friends and family. The Trust also believes that talking therapies can be of great help. You may want to speak to your GP for a referral and a look into counselling or to contact your local Mind centres. We can also arrange for you to speak to someone on our helpline at the number below. Many find it of comfort to speak to someone who has been through the same thing and we can support you alongside the counselling. You will also find more information for support on our website: http://www.ectopic.org.uk/patients/emotional-impact/

Please know that these boards are here for you, any time, to share or to vent for as long as you need.

With good wishes,


Michele

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
Join us for the first Ectopic Pregnancy Awareness Day on 1 August 2022

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Hope0403
Posts: 6
Joined: Sun Jul 24, 2022 8:34 pm

Re: How to talk about it

Post by Hope0403 »

Hi Mand22,

I’m so sorry for your loss.

When I had my ectopic, I was actually contacted by my extended family as they’d been told by my stepmum. I spoke to my husband and we didn’t want people finding out and us not knowing, so we wrote a status about it on our social media (I also survived mine due to a blood transfusion, so I asked my friends and family to consider blood donation if they could, as I am still here today due to the kindness of strangers).

This helped me feel a little bit more in control of how people found out, and it meant that I didn’t have to tell everyone face to face.

I’ve since spoken to friends about it but I find it hard at times as they haven’t had a similar experience (and I hope they never do!), but my GP actually recommended counselling.

I’m only 2 sessions in, but the first one surprised me as I had more feelings suppressed than I realised.

Just remember it is your experience and you don’t have to share it with anyone you’re not comfortable with, but if you can, try speaking to people you can trust. Sometimes it can help just to share your story and be heard.

Sending you lots of hugs x

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