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My experience

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kyliee_00
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2022 10:37 am

My experience

Post by kyliee_00 »

I was 16 years old when I had my ectopic pregnancy it was very traumatic in so many ways I’m still dealing with the trauma of everything that I went through during that time and I feel like i wanna share my story and how it affected me.
One random night I was having really bad cramps mainly on the ride side of my abdomen I just thought it was a heavy period with really bad cramps and I didn’t think much of it I took some Tylenol and tried laying down for a few minutes but it only got so much worse within a few minutes I got up out of my bed to go tell my mom and I could barely walk it hurt so bad she thought it may have been my appendix so she rushed me to the emergency room it was and still is the worst pain I’ve ever felt. When we got to the E.R. they took a bunch of blood tests and did a ultrasound to see if it was my appendix but they found nothing so they got some of my urine and found out I was pregnant when the doctor came in and told me that the test had come back positive I was just in shock my mom was in the room with me and I just had no clue what to think my mom was very supportive she tried her best to keep herself together I could tell it was hard for her eventually she did leave the room crying and in the moment I was so scared for myself and for the baby that I was pregnant with I was a kid and I knew I messed up. Later on the doctor came back into the room and told me and my mom that it could possibly be a ectopic pregnancy and I needed to follow up with a ogbyn immediately he gave me some morphine and also prescribed me some tramadol for the pain. The next day my mom called the doctor and he made me an appointment the very next day when I went in to the appointment the doctor did a vaginal ultrasound and did discover that it was a ectopic pregnancy and that there was a fetus in my right fallopian tube he said that there was blood in my abdomen and that was why I was bleeding so heavily he took some blood and tested my hormone levels and told me what my blood type was but he sent me home and wanted me to come back in a few day to get a injection. When I got home I went straight to sleep it was hurting me so bad to try to use the restroom I’ve never felt anything like that type of pain it was so bad for me I couldn’t stop thinking about how I actually had a baby inside of me I couldn’t help but wonder if it was gonna be a boy or a girl I was going to love it so much I didn’t care about what anybody thought of me I was just having so many feelings and so much pain at the same time the pain had even got so bad at one point after I was waiting to go back to my doctor for the injection that I had to go to the E.R. again only it was so much worse this time my mom had to carry me to the car and physically carry me inside of the emergency room because I felt like I couldn’t move they rushed me back to an open room and gave me some pain medication they told my mom there wasn’t anything else they could do. The doctor at the E.R. Asked my mom if the Tramadol had been helping the pain at all and it hadn’t been even touching the pain so they decided to prescribe me Percocet which helped the pain so much but I could still feel the discomfort in my abdomen I mainly just stayed in bed waiting to go back to my doctor for the injection I couldn’t eat at all because it just felt like pressure on my abdomen. The day of my appointment I was really upset and I just remember asking my mom if there was any way that a baby could survive that and I just had so many questions I don’t really feel like I knew what was going on it all kind of feels like a blur to me when I look back on it but the doctor told me that the injection would dissolve the fetus in my fallopian tube and after that we would just monitor my hormone levels I got the injection in my upper right thigh. I think day after I got the injection I was finally able to use the restroom and it felt so good the pain was getting so much better without the pain medication I felt like I was getting better I kept having appointments with my doctor to check my hormone levels and continue to get vaginal ultrasounds just to make sure it was all going okay I was feeling better with the pain slowly going away but I just couldn’t stop thinking about what would of happened if I would have had a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby I literally just couldn’t stop thinking about it I knew that I was so young and it was probably what was best for me to not have a baby at my age but I couldn’t help but feel so depressed and have so much anxiety about everything I had never struggled with depression before then so it was all so new to me I felt like I couldn’t go to my mom because of how she felt about the situation and how dangerous it was for me I know she was just worried for my life but I just wish I could of talked to her and told her how I felt I feel like if I would of been able to tell someone how I felt about the situation it would of helped me a lot to have some support. Eventually everything had went back to normal my hormone levels had went down and I was feeling ok physically. I know this probably is gonna sound crazy but I just had a overwhelming feeling that my baby was a boy I took some flowers to this place near my house in the woods and planted them sometimes when I was feeling sad about anything I would just go out there and sit for hours and just cry. The guy that had gotten me pregnant was not supportive in any way he had a new girlfriend and they would constantly harass me on social media and make fun of me saying that the baby I was pregnant with was not his. I was very hurt by all of these things and I just felt like I had no one. I was scared to have sex or do anything sexual for several months after the pregnancy happened. I eventually got a job and tried to move forward with my life a few months after I had been working my anxiety had gotten really bad I constantly felt like there was something wrong with me and that I was gonna die several nights after I would get off work I would convince my mom that I had something wrong with me and have a full blown panic attacks she would take me to the emergency room they did all kinds of tests on me ct scans and nothing was ever wrong with me physically. I remember that year at thanksgiving dinner I felt like none of it was real I can’t explain how I felt but that’s when I knew something was going on with me mentally and I needed help. I did get help I got put on Zoloft which didn’t help at all it just mad me sleep all the time it did eventually get better but I just wanted to come on here to see and talk with people who have had similar experiences I’m not sure if this is normal or not at the time of the pregnancy I did feel my life was in danger but I never actually thought I was gonna die I mean it was always in the back of my head but I just made myself think everything was gonna be okay for me I’m not completely sure if that’s what triggered the panic attacks and anxiety I have of dying I feel like that has to be the reason but I just don’t really know how to feel about it. I am doing so much better now but I just wanted to see if anything similar to this has happened to anyone else ??

EPT Host 20
Posts: 3142
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 10:58 pm

Re: My experience

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear kyliee,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy loss, from your own words I can imagine what a frightening experience this was and I am so sorry you have had to go through this.
When we experience ectopic pregnancy, we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

After a frightening ordeal like ectopic pregnancy, some women find that they suffer from Post Traumatic Stress (PTSD). Symptoms can include anxiety, flashbacks and not being able to focus on everyday things like work. There are a number of avenues that you could look into to get the help that you need. There are specific.counsellors who specialise in PTSD, and it maybe worth a referral to speak to someone if your down days are outweighing the good. Sometimes journalling may help express what cannot be put into verbal words.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We also have support services, We can exchange emails as well as support on this forum. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

We have information on our website about finding counselling services and we have more information here: http://www.ectopic.org.uk/patients/emotional-impact/

Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.
Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
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