Hi everyone, I had salpingectomy surgery in October 2023 and have just returned to work. I get really emotional when I think about what happened, in fact I can't hold back tears when I think about it. I feel sadness, anger and complete despair at what we've been through . This was our third loss and I'm so worried too that we may never conceive successfully again.
Is this type of emotional reaction normal after three months? I worry I'm not reacting normally. Day to day I'm fine but whenever I think about my experience and loss I just feel huge grief. I've also had to deal with a few pregnancy announcements and have found them so difficult and I can't wait to get home and cry. I just feel so sad that it's not my turn and may never be.
Just looking for someone to tell me they feel the same. I'm fine most of the time but at least once a day something will make my mind wander to what we went through and I have a good cry. When will the sadness end and how do others find ways to cope?
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Dealing with pregnancy announcements
Re: Dealing with pregnancy announcements
Hello,
I’m so sorry to hear about what you have been through. You’re not on your own through this. I had one tube removed in October too and 2 months before had a miscarriage.
It’s all I think about I feel upset and angry the same as you. The bitterness I have towards pregnancy people I hate myself for it but this is just a part of grieving. Your time will come and you will get your rainbow baby please stay positive. You’re stronger than you think!
… I’m having to attend a baby shower this weekend for a girl at work we feel pregnant the same time. I’m tempted to not go so I do t put myself in a position that’s going to upset me. It’s hurts too much.
Please stay strong we are here if you need to talk to anyone!
I’m so sorry to hear about what you have been through. You’re not on your own through this. I had one tube removed in October too and 2 months before had a miscarriage.
It’s all I think about I feel upset and angry the same as you. The bitterness I have towards pregnancy people I hate myself for it but this is just a part of grieving. Your time will come and you will get your rainbow baby please stay positive. You’re stronger than you think!
… I’m having to attend a baby shower this weekend for a girl at work we feel pregnant the same time. I’m tempted to not go so I do t put myself in a position that’s going to upset me. It’s hurts too much.
Please stay strong we are here if you need to talk to anyone!
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EPT Host 22
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- Joined: Fri Nov 20, 2015 10:26 am
Re: Dealing with pregnancy announcements
Dear Ectopicrecovery,
I'm so sorry to hear about your ectopic pregnancy and loss. Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is both a physical and emotional trauma. The boards here are filled with women and men who are, sadly, bound by these experiences. These are safe spaces for you to share your thoughts, ask questions, and just vent. They are also filled with positive stories which can help heal the pain and move you forward.
It is very normal to have waves of emotion following the experience. There is no set pathway for recovery, and for every woman, it is very unique. But also, our physical recovery is often quicker than our emotional recovery. This can especially be the case when we encounter others' pregnancies. It is very natural to feel a mix of emotions when we see other people with pregnancies and children. We can feel happy for them, but we also are grieving our own loss and what might have been. Please be kind to yourself and encourage your husband to do the same.
It may sound simple, but I found journalling a good way to put my thoughts on paper and my husband to do the same so we could process them individually and share them with one another. Each of our experiences is unique, even if it is shared.
We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can help the healing process. We are more than happy to talk with you by email or telephone and answer any questions you may have or simply listen to your experience. In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help, and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling. The charity, Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/.
With good wishes,
Michele
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
The EPT is awarded the PIF TICK as a Trusted Information Creator, the UK-wide quality mark for healthcare information
*************************************************************************
If the information provided here or through the EPT website has helped you, you can donate towards our support services, volunteer, or fundraise to raise awareness.
Further information is available on our website.
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back support line: 020 7733 2653. We are able to provide support in multiple languages including British Sign Language.
Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list.
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
*************************************************************************
I'm so sorry to hear about your ectopic pregnancy and loss. Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is both a physical and emotional trauma. The boards here are filled with women and men who are, sadly, bound by these experiences. These are safe spaces for you to share your thoughts, ask questions, and just vent. They are also filled with positive stories which can help heal the pain and move you forward.
It is very normal to have waves of emotion following the experience. There is no set pathway for recovery, and for every woman, it is very unique. But also, our physical recovery is often quicker than our emotional recovery. This can especially be the case when we encounter others' pregnancies. It is very natural to feel a mix of emotions when we see other people with pregnancies and children. We can feel happy for them, but we also are grieving our own loss and what might have been. Please be kind to yourself and encourage your husband to do the same.
It may sound simple, but I found journalling a good way to put my thoughts on paper and my husband to do the same so we could process them individually and share them with one another. Each of our experiences is unique, even if it is shared.
We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can help the healing process. We are more than happy to talk with you by email or telephone and answer any questions you may have or simply listen to your experience. In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help, and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling. The charity, Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/.
With good wishes,
Michele
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
The EPT is awarded the PIF TICK as a Trusted Information Creator, the UK-wide quality mark for healthcare information
*************************************************************************
If the information provided here or through the EPT website has helped you, you can donate towards our support services, volunteer, or fundraise to raise awareness.
Further information is available on our website.
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back support line: 020 7733 2653. We are able to provide support in multiple languages including British Sign Language.
Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list.
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
*************************************************************************
Re: Dealing with pregnancy announcements
Hi Ectopicrecovery,
You are not alone. I knew I was having a miscarriage before I found out it was ectopic. I reached out to my only friend who I knew was comfortable talking about her experience with miscarriage and she helped me through it. The problem was she was 40 weeks pregnant. I felt like I should also help her through her feelings of anticipation and fear going over her due date. She ended up giving birth a couple hours after my injection. She messaged me through her early labor while I was going through the ultrasound and hearing the news. I remember her absence a little later in the day and even the following days, like our paths were diverging sharply. Two of my friends are TTC and I believe one is currently pregnant but didn't have the heart to tell me (which is probably worse than if she had). Navigating it is starting to feel awkward. I think the longer we spend TTC the harder it will get. You asked for advice and coping strategies. I don't really have anything ground breaking but here are some things that have been helping me a little. I keep away from social media like fb. I also am trying to see the situation with my friend giving birth the same day as my injection as hopeful because her journey to have the kid was not easy. I try to insert humor and tell myself little things about how hard it is but how tough I am. Idk if any of that is helpful to you but I appreciate you sharing and giving me a space to talk about my experiences.
You are not alone. I knew I was having a miscarriage before I found out it was ectopic. I reached out to my only friend who I knew was comfortable talking about her experience with miscarriage and she helped me through it. The problem was she was 40 weeks pregnant. I felt like I should also help her through her feelings of anticipation and fear going over her due date. She ended up giving birth a couple hours after my injection. She messaged me through her early labor while I was going through the ultrasound and hearing the news. I remember her absence a little later in the day and even the following days, like our paths were diverging sharply. Two of my friends are TTC and I believe one is currently pregnant but didn't have the heart to tell me (which is probably worse than if she had). Navigating it is starting to feel awkward. I think the longer we spend TTC the harder it will get. You asked for advice and coping strategies. I don't really have anything ground breaking but here are some things that have been helping me a little. I keep away from social media like fb. I also am trying to see the situation with my friend giving birth the same day as my injection as hopeful because her journey to have the kid was not easy. I try to insert humor and tell myself little things about how hard it is but how tough I am. Idk if any of that is helpful to you but I appreciate you sharing and giving me a space to talk about my experiences.
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Ectopicrecovery
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Re: Dealing with pregnancy announcements
Thank you all for responding. Sorry I am just writing back, I read your responses at the time and still look back on them when I'm having a tough day. Knowing that others feel the same make me feel better in a strange sort of way. It is such a lonely place to be and since I posted, another colleague has announced a pregnancy. It has made work even more awkward and I feel even more isolated. On one hand happy for others but inside I'm devastated and angry it isn't my turn. It makes each day a struggle and is so tiring putting on a happy front.
@Tron I'm sorry to hear you've had a similar situation with your friend. It's really difficult isn't it. It's now 4 months on from my salpingectomy and I still cry often at the unfairness of it all. Desperately want to conceive but it seems that we're not going to be so lucky just yet. Thanks for sharing your feelings, as I said it's comforting to know that what I feel is all 'normal'. It's just not something I feel I can talk about in real life without sounding negative or like a broken record. I hope one day we both receive our own happy news and come out the other side of this.
@Tron I'm sorry to hear you've had a similar situation with your friend. It's really difficult isn't it. It's now 4 months on from my salpingectomy and I still cry often at the unfairness of it all. Desperately want to conceive but it seems that we're not going to be so lucky just yet. Thanks for sharing your feelings, as I said it's comforting to know that what I feel is all 'normal'. It's just not something I feel I can talk about in real life without sounding negative or like a broken record. I hope one day we both receive our own happy news and come out the other side of this.
