The moment that I got that positive pregnancy test, which I had been waiting so long for, I knew something wasn’t right. I was spotting and had a constant ache in the lower left side of my abdomen. A few weeks went by, and nothing had changed apart from the bleeding which was getting heavier and more painful.
I was told that I had miscarried but still needed a scan to check a few days later. Laying on that bed alone due to covid restrictions was the most heart-breaking thing I’ve ever had to go through. Hearing those words, there’s no sign of pregnancy and being told I couldn’t leave the hospital until they checked it was safe and that I wasn’t bleeding internally, having to make that phone call to my partner to tell him he was allowed in the hospital to discuss our options, hearing his scared voice when I told him it was an ectopic pregnancy; something I never thought I would be saying.
The ectopic pregnancy was in my left Fallopian tube. It was December 2020, covid 19 had peaked again and I found myself having to attend the hospital every 48 hours to check my hormone levels, I was treated with methotrexate.
After six weeks of having to attend the hospital every few days, my hormone levels had reached a safe level, which meant the pregnancy had gone. Everyone around me was so relieved that I was no longer pregnant and in danger, but I had an overwhelming feeling of guilt and anger. From the second you get those two lines on a pregnancy test…that’s your baby. In my head I kept thinking it was my fault, the baby was growing in my Fallopian tube, maybe I did something wrong for this to happen.
But now three years later I’m lying on my bed writing this with my 18-month-old little girl cradled in my arms sleeping.
You never forget the pain, but it does get easier.
Thank you to Hayley for sharing her experience. If you would like to share your experience of ectopic pregnancy, please visit our guide for more information.
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