We are incredibly grateful to Philip who has decided to take part in this epic challenge for The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust. He is dedicated to letting people know help is there if needed. This challenge will take place at the end of July and Philip will be running a 8-10 mile 25 obstacle Tough Mudder. We love hearing about how his training is going and look forward to the event!
Philip is passionate about raising awareness and he is driven to talk about the devastating affect ectopic pregnancy from the partner’s point of view, which is often overlooked. It is important to recognise that partners need support too and it is just as brave to acknowledge and ask for this. It is crucial to have partners’ perspectives and Philip’s honest, brave and heartfelt account can reach and help others to understand the ordeal.
Please be aware that this personal experience references emotional distress and risk of suicidal thoughts. If you are affected, help is always available: https://www.samaritans.org/ and https://www.thecalmzone.net/.
“When myself and my wife found out she was pregnant, she was rushed to hospital within the next 24 hours due to having an ectopic pregnancy. The hospital first said it was fine on initial examination through ultrasound scans, but then she experienced excruciating pain. The next morning, less than 24 hours from finding out we were pregnant, we found out we had lost the baby and I had nearly lost my wife. It was a very frightening and emotional experience for us resulting in a lot of mental health appointments and issues still affecting us now. It is something you can never “just get over” in your lifetime. We still think about it to this day. It’s not something we thought would happen to us or something you think about at all – but if it does happen, support is there to help anyone who needs it.
We were both unaware of The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust charity when we had the ectopic pregnancy. We now know that they support both partners through these difficult times. Had we known, we would have asked for support instead of struggling and trying to come to terms with the loss and traumatic experience on our own.
The hardest part for a man is to be the support foundation for the woman and to hold the family together too at such a difficult time. There are a multitude of emotions – from the stress of losing a child, to regret and sorrow and “what if I could have stopped it”. There can be feelings of fault and, when faced with not just losing a child through an ectopic but nearly losing your wife aswell, it is very difficult. I was under mental health support for approximately a year due to it and had to stop work because of suicidal thoughts. It is like a train that just keeps going and getting bigger and bigger. There is no easy way to deal with the problem. I bottled it up and tried to keep going and be supportive, but in the end, I took the fall for it and suffered mentally.
Things won’t be the same for a long time. However, being able to talk to the EPT and share experiences with people going through a similar experience does really help. A lot of people think that the woman has had the ectopic and the operation so comfort them. However, the man also has to bear some of the scars – mainly emotional.”
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust supports partners too and offers a safe space to talk for men and women affected by the condition.
If you would like to support and help Philip with his fundraising, please take a look at his fundraising page.