Mother’s Day may stir up a range of emotions – from sadness, frustration, anger, or numbness. Some may even feel a sense of relief or thankful, if you have gone on to have children. This adds a further dimension as you may be grateful while also reflecting on the loss. You might feel heartache over what could have been for you and your family, disappointment at the lack of recognition for your loss, or even moments of peace. Some may feel isolated, while others may struggle with guilt for having emotions around an experience that society doesn’t always acknowledge in the same way as other types of loss. The day may feel complicated and emotions may change throughout. There is no right or wrong way to feel and it’s okay to acknowledge those feelings, whatever they may be.
Ways to navigate the day:
- Give yourself permission to feel – Whether you want to reflect, cry, or distract yourself, your emotions and reactions are valid. Some people find comfort in fully embracing their emotions, while others may prefer to keep busy. There is no correct way to be and what feels right for you may change hour by hour. Allow yourself to experience your emotions without judgement or pressure to be ‘okay’ for others.
- Plan ahead – Decide what you need from the day. Would you prefer to mark it in a meaningful way, or would you rather avoid it altogether? Whatever you choose is right for you and that is okay.
- Create a ritual – Lighting a candle, writing a letter to your baby or yourself, or doing something special in tribute to your experience can bring comfort. Some find solace in visiting a meaningful place, planting a flower, or simply taking a quiet moment of reflection. If it feels right, you might want to say a few words out loud, speak from your heart, or write down what you wish you could have said. A small dedication, whether in the form of a note, a piece of jewellery, or a symbolic act, can be a deeply personal way to honour your experience and acknowledge your loss in a way that feels meaningful to you. Our commemoration and remembrance page has some thoughts on ways to mark such days, including our new virtual EPT Forget-Me-Not Meadow of Remembrance below.
- Protect your space – Social media can be overwhelming with Mother’s Day messages. It’s okay to take a break or mute certain content. Our ‘Unplugging as self-care’ blog has some helpful and practical information on how to do this.
- Reach out for support – Whether it’s a friend, support group, or The EPT, connecting with others who understand can be reassuring. Our online forum is a dedicated space where you can choose to post anonymously if you prefer.
Partners too
Partners may often process an ectopic pregnancy differently and Mother’s Day can be a difficult reminder of your experience for both of you. While one partner may feel a deep emotional connection to the pregnancy and its loss, the other might process it in a different way, whether through quiet reflection or a focus on supporting their loved one. There is no right or wrong and it’s important to acknowledge that both experiences are valid.
Some partners may feel overlooked in their own feelings, particularly if their emotions are not as openly acknowledged by others. They might struggle with feelings of helplessness, wanting to support their loved one while also managing their own emotions. It’s essential to allow space for both partners to express their feelings in their own healthy way and find ways to navigate the day together or individually, depending on what feels right.
How partners can support themselves and their loved one:
- Acknowledge your own emotions – Processing an ectopic pregnancy is personal, and as a partner, your feelings matter too. You may experience sadness, anger, helplessness, or even a sense of detachment. However, your emotions present, know that they are valid. You do not need to suppress your emotions to be strong for someone else – seeking support, talking to a trusted friend, or even writing down your thoughts can help you process them in a way that feels right for you.
- Talk about the day in advance – Gently ask your partner how they feel about Mother’s Day and what they might need from you. It can also help to recognise that feelings may shift throughout the day and what seemed manageable in the morning may feel overwhelming by the afternoon. Plans may change and that’s okay. Keeping communication open and being flexible can help both of you navigate the day with understanding and support.
- Offer validation and understanding – Let them know that their feelings are valid and that you’re there for them. By openly sharing your own thoughts and emotions, even if they differ, you can create a space for mutual understanding. Knowing that you’re both willing to communicate – even if your emotions don’t always align – can help bridge that gap and offer reassurance for you both.
- Find a way to mark the day together (if wanted) – This could be as simple as lighting a candle, taking a walk, or spending time together in a way that feels right. Our commemoration and remembrance page has some thoughtful ideas.
For family, friends, and colleagues: How to offer support
If someone in your life has been affected by an ectopic pregnancy loss, Mother’s Day can be a particularly sensitive time. Even a small gesture of understanding can mean a lot.
Ways to offer support:
- Acknowledge their loss – A simple message like “Thinking of you today” can help them feel seen and supported.
- Be mindful of language – Avoid assumptions such as “You’ll be a mum one day” or “At least you can try again.” Instead, focus on recognising their loss, feelings, and offering a listening ear.
- Respect their boundaries – Some may not want to talk about it, while others may appreciate the chance to share their feelings. Let them take the lead.
- If in doubt, ask – If you’re unsure how to support them, it’s okay to say, “I want to be there for you, what would help the most?”. Our website has some helpful thoughts on how to support a loved one.
You Are Not Alone
Mother’s Day after an ectopic pregnancy loss is difficult, but you don’t have to face it alone. However you choose to navigate the day, there is support available when you need it. Be kind to yourself and take the time and space you need.
Members of our community and the EPT team have shared heartfelt words of support for anyone finding this time difficult. You are not alone, and their messages may offer comfort and reassurance as you navigate the days ahead.
‘You will have waves of different emotions. Ride the rollercoaster, things do get easier.’ – member of our EPT community
‘Be patient with yourself.’ – member of our EPT community
‘Healing doesn’t mean you have to move on; you can move forward – at your own pace, and in your own way. Allow yourself to sit with your feelings when you need to but also give yourself permission to enjoy the moments of love and laughter when they present themselves, no matter how fleeting. Your emotions, while they may be conflicting, are allowed to co-exist.’ – Kerri, EPT team
‘Navigating mothers day was one of the hardest things to do after our losses. I often found myself thinking “How do you morn something that you haven’t experienced”. For me, keeping the focus on my own mom & wonderful moms around me, helped me through- being hopeful that one day, I would experience the same joy they were, and someday someone would celebrate me. Sending love & Strength to all of you out there struggling.’ – Gita, EPT team
