Lucky to be alive but how can I feel lucky in this deal?
I’ve lost my baby; the future I planned whose life was that to steal? Referred to as ‘tissue’, ‘an embryo’, not yet a baby as if you were never real.
The scan confirmed the rupture, your baby’s gone, surgery no time to appeal.
‘You can try again’, ’you still have another tube’, ‘your chances will be good.’
Is this meant to be exciting? Reassuring? A prize I misunderstood?
Young, fit, and healthy, try again you should.
But all I can think of is that was going to be my baby, yet alone we are stood.
Your physical pain is easing, and life must go on,
No scans, no heartbeat, no reveals, just future plans now gone.
The joy of Christmas, birthdays, the excitement of your existence this was based upon.
Is it now time to forget about the sadness and what life could have been, how am I expected to make sense of it all and simply carry on?
‘Recovery’ has happened and it’s time to try again.
‘You’re good people who deserve good things’ but our question will always be when?
When will we know our chances are back, and where will the embryo lay?
Will we get the chance to see our baby’s face some day?
Fear of pain and loss plays heavy on our mind
Will the next few months be a constant remind.
We hope to remember the life that would have been but cannot forget the sadness along the way.
But surely it will be all worth it to bring our baby home one day?
Thank you to our contributor for finding the words to express their thoughts and feelings, in the hope of helping others on the same journey.
If you would like to share your experience of ectopic pregnancy, please visit our guide for more information. And please remember our support services are available at any time.