I found out I that was pregnant on the 19 August 2024, newly married and so excited to start a family of our own. But on the 5 September 2024 my world was completely ripped to shreds as I found out our baby was growing in my left Fallopian tube, meaning it was an ectopic pregnancy. I had heard of ectopic pregnancies but didn’t realise how dangerous they were. I had to have emergency surgery called a Salpingectomy, which was keyhole surgery, to remove my left Fallopian tube. This surgery saved my life.
The physical recovery was tough but the emotional pain I feel is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I never knew I would grieve for someone I had never met.
It’s so important for women to be aware of ectopic pregnancies as around one in 80 pregnancies are ectopic. You have to listen to your body if you feel that something isn’t right and to know what the symptoms are. The only symptoms I had were some bleeding at around four weeks and cramping, both of which can be common in early pregnancy, but I just had a gut feeling that something wasn’t right. I had countless doctor appointments and was sent for blood tests which came back positive, but my GP (general practitioner) sent me to the EPU (Early Pregnancy Unit) for an emergency ultrasound scan as she wanted to ‘rule out’ an ectopic pregnancy. If it hadn’t been for her, it could have been a lot worse as I didn’t have any major symptoms. My surgeon was in shock that I was able to walk as my Fallopian tube had already ruptured and I had started internally bleeding.
This is a message for anyone who has had an ectopic pregnancy, to let you know that your feelings are valid and that you are not alone. That even if you only carried your baby for a moment, you are allowed to grieve. Often, I feel silly, thinking people will judge me for being so upset as it happened so early, but it hurts just the same.
I often feel frustrated at myself that my body didn’t do what it was supposed to. I feel angry that the excitement of my first pregnancy was taken away from me, as announcing the news to my close family wasn’t fun and exciting, instead it was, ‘Don’t get excited, I’ve had a positive pregnancy test, but I’ve been having some issues’. The next pregnancy I have, I know I will be nervous rather than excited as I’m terrified that it will happen again. I am so upset that the excitement has been taken away from me.
During Baby Loss Awareness Week, I would have had my 12-week scan and would have announced our news, but instead I am trying to recover from the most traumatic thing I have ever been through.
Some days are better than others and I sometimes feel guilty by carrying on with my life, but I have to remind myself that life does go on and that I shouldn’t feel guilty for carrying on. I do have down days, and the mental recovery is going to take some time, but I know it will get easier and one day I will hold our rainbow baby in my arms.
Thank you to Hollie for sharing her experience. If you would like to share your experience of ectopic pregnancy, please visit our guide for more information.
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