It was May 2023. We had just completed a round of IVF (In Vitro Fertilisation – a complex series of procedures that can lead to a pregnancy) that sadly failed and while we had been successful five years earlier with an IVF round that gave us our son, we went on to have two natural pregnancies that resulted both in ectopic pregnancies, one with a Fallopian tube removal.
That was 2020 so flashing forward a few years later, after hours of tears, self-help, counselling, and soul searching, we were now ready to give up trying for a sibling for our son and look ahead to the wonderful future as a family of three. We were truly grateful and finally happy. We had got rid of the baby furniture we had been clinging to, the baby clothes we dare not give away, and it was time to move on.
The biggest shock came in August 2023, after what I perceived as a period, and years of trying now at the back of my mind, I got the biggest shock to find out I was pregnant, naturally, and had no idea when it had happened. We were stunned and so, so full of joy and gratefulness. We really believed because we had let it all go that we had been given this chance, and it felt amazing.
We were due to go to Spain a few days after we had the positive result. I did not for one second envisage another ectopic pregnancy, having two already had surely been enough and we would not be dealt that bad luck again.
I was lightly bleeding the whole time we were in Spain but with no pain, and my pregnancy tests (I was vigilantly taking) were getting stronger by the day. I had no reason, and didn’t want, to think the worst. But one day I woke up with a strong gut feeling, an intuition maybe, that something wasn’t right and thank goodness I trusted it.
We found a private scan clinic and the worst possible outcome transpired. It was indeed another ectopic pregnancy, and I had to get to a hospital immediately. The sonographer didn’t know what the blood tests were saying, so it was vital and critical that I have these tests done at hospital to check whether I was losing the pregnancy naturally, or if it was more serious and I would need surgery. I naively asked if I could go tomorrow and she said quite clearly and plainly, ‘this is an emergency, you need to go now’.
In my haze of grief and shock the Spanish doctors seemed cold and blunt, but I think that was mainly down to the language barrier, and I wept and pleaded as they told me I could not fly, or even drive home in case my Fallopian tube ruptured, which would be very dangerous, as like they said in their broken English, ‘you will die’.
These words still haunt me, how can having sex, becoming pregnant, thinking you are carrying this amazing miracle inside result in something so dangerous, not only to the pregnancy but to me. The bottom line was that I needed to be alive and safe, my little boy needs his mum here. To take my one remaining tube, while it was so devastating and final, meant I would never have to go through this again, but on the flip side it meant I would never be able to get pregnant naturally ever again. Both tubes were gone, my womanhood, and my hopes and dreams along with them.
A month has passed, we got home safely, flying 48 hours after the surgery, and the trauma has not even sunk in about what actually happened. I keep thinking it all happened to someone else, like I saw a film with these characters and scenarios in, but they weren’t me. How could they be me? That would be unfair, cruel and utterly life changing. I know it will all take time to get over the trauma, with tears, counselling and trying to remember how I was feeling before this all happened, grateful and complete.
Thank you to Laura for sharing her experience with us. Laura is a children’s author from the UK. Following the birth of her miracle baby via IVF in 2018, she decided to create a story that allowed other families to talk about and celebrate the many different ways that babies arrive into the world.
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