I was on day 10 of what I thought was a late and particularly painful period, something didn’t feel right, the bleeding was very heavy and clotted throughout, and my ‘normal’ periods usually last around five days. I kept saying to myself ‘if it’s like this for another day I’ll call the doctor’. I didn’t want to be a nuisance or just be told it’s a bad month and to take more painkillers.
On the 10th night I couldn’t sleep, and the pain started to shoot down into my leg. I called the doctor the next morning and they suggested to go to the hospital accident and emergency department. I put this off for most of the day but come the afternoon the pain was getting bad enough to feel like maybe I should go.
I went alone and after a long wait, blood tests, and a urine sample I was called through. ‘You are currently pregnant and likely miscarrying’ the doctor told me. I can’t describe how heart breaking it feels to be told this, those that have been through it will know. My other half (partner) immediately came to join me, and we were sent to the early pregnancy unit.
An ultrasound wasn’t available until the following day, so we were sent home trying to process the news, Googling what happens next, and totally unaware of the possibility of an ectopic pregnancy.
The next day the scan came, and it was particularly painful on my left side. The nurse was checking the screen, and we could just sense something was wrong. ‘You’re not miscarrying. I can see the sac in your Fallopian tube. It’s an ectopic pregnancy and possibly ruptured. We think you’ll require emergency surgery today’.
I was terrified. I didn’t really know the details of what an ectopic pregnancy was until this (I’m 30 for context), and I was struggling to process the news that I was pregnant, but it wouldn’t survive. And neither would I without surgery today! TODAY!
I’d never had surgery before and was incredibly scared, it felt like an out of body experience.
After surgery the surgeon came to speak to me and explained that they couldn’t save my Fallopian tube due to rupture. It’s hard to explain but it felt like a double loss.
The weeks following recovery were so painful. I felt like I couldn’t tell my friends and family how heartbroken I felt, as the first response would be, but you didn’t know you were pregnant? How can you grieve for something you didn’t know you had?
What if my friends were judgmental about it all?
Thinking that I could have also lost my life had I not gone to the hospital is also so scary. I am very much an ‘it will be fine; I don’t want to waste anyone’s time’ person. I very nearly didn’t go.
It’s now been nearly a year and I still think about it all, every day. I feel emotional anytime I see a little baby, I feel jealous when I see baby announcements online, I get emotional when people ask, ‘when’s it going to be you?’!
My partner and I are actively hoping to conceive, however it’s hard to ignore that this could be more complicated, and I worry about it happening again. I worry about every pain I have in my stomach; I worry every month when my period is heavy.
I find it hard to talk about my experience to my loved ones, I get emotional and just instantly feel they won’t understand, which is why I have found The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust so helpful. It really did help in the days following to find the website and see that I was not alone. I read through stories of women who have successfully conceived after their experience and feel hopeful.
I hope my story can do the same for anyone else who has felt like me.
Thank you to Charlotte for sharing her experience. If you would like to share your experience of ectopic pregnancy, please visit our guide for more information.
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