Dear J,
When we promised for ‘better or worse, in sickness and in health’ I never imagined this could mean quite literally holding each other up after the loss of our first baby just a few years later.
Thank you for being there in the darkest of dark days, in the hospital during my scan that confirmed our baby was in my left tube, when you could barely stand because of the shock, but you held me so tightly; I was not going through this alone. The days I spent in hospital when you could only visit for an hour or so because of COVID restrictions, but you comforted me by text, by call, day and night, and by telling me you were right there waiting the moment visiting hours began. For letting me cry and cry and cry, for weeks and weeks and weeks, and for letting me see you cry too, I know the strength it takes for you to allow me to see you so vulnerable and hurting. Our baby was half of you and half of me.
I want you to know that although I carry the physical scars of this trauma, this was your trauma too. Give yourself permission and space to grieve the little life you imagined. While we are both hopeful we’ll bring home a baby one day, until then, it’s me and you, and let’s keep holding on tightly till we get to the end of wherever this bumpy road leads.
Love you always,
A
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