Kelsey's ectopic pregnancy poem

I started having stomach pains, 

And passed two blood clots. 

I didn’t know what it meant, 

But my tummy was in knots. 

 

I decided to do a pregnancy test, 

Two lines did appear. 

Joy filled me from head to toe, 

Which was soon replaced with fear. 

 

I wanted you so badly, 

But the pains would not subside. 

Off to the doctors I went, 

After, I sat and cried. 

 

Ectopic or miscarriage, 

We weren’t sure which one. 

I just wanted you to be ok, 

But I knew the worst had begun. 

 

A day went by, and the pain increased, 

But off to work I went. 

Wishing you were safe inside, 

But fearing what the pain meant. 

 

When picking up your big sister, 

The doctor I did see, 

His worry for us grew, 

So, it was off to A&E. 

 

At A&E the pain got worse, 

Still, I prayed for the best. 

The word “ectopic” used freely, 

Causing heart ache in my chest. 

 

I knew what ectopic pregnancy meant – 

That you wouldn’t ever be born. 

It hurt my heart to realise that, 

And so, I started to mourn. 

 

Admitted to the hospital, 

Waiting for some tests. 

To see if you were ‘viable’, 

Continually wishing for the best. 

 

They took me for a scan, 

To see where you could be. 

But you weren’t in my womb, 

So, you’d never be earth side with me. 

 

I cried so much, my heart it broke, 

in that waiting room. 

With all those pregnant women, 

I just sat there in the gloom. 

 

Back at the ward I cried some more, 

I felt so alone. 

You wouldn’t grow inside of me, 

And I was entering the unknown. 

 

The doctors stated an injection, 

Or surgery it would be. 

Nil by mouth was written, 

As I waited to see. 

 

In the morning, they came round, 

It was going to be surgery. 

Due to blood in my pelvis, 

It was an emergency. 

 

I cried and cried as they took me, 

To that operating room. 

Scared of what would happen next, 

The fear it did consume. 

 

A dreamless sleep was all it took, 

For you to be removed. 

My body feeling broken, 

I just wanted to be moved. 

 

With your Daddy and your sisters, 

Is where I wanted to be. 

Back at our home sweet home, 

With them all cuddling me. 

 

The doctor told us that the surgery, 

Had been a complete success. 

That you were taken out of me, 

But I was in so much distress. 

 

My left Fallopian tube, 

They removed that as well, 

You’d have a piece of me with you, 

But I couldn’t say farewell. 

 

That night was hard back at the ward, 

In that bed all alone. 

Grief consumed me all night, 

So I sat there on my phone. 

 

Your Daddy came to get me, 

It was the following morning. 

It felt so good to leave, 

Even though we were both mourning. 

 

Back home we went to our flat, 

Your sister’s unaware, 

Of what had taken place this week, 

It felt all so unfair. 

 

Unfair you wouldn’t be with us, 

Unfair they’d never play with you, 

That we would never see you grow, 

I wondered how we would get through. 

 

I never will forget you, 

Or wonder what your life could have been. 

If you were born instead of not, 

But you never had the chance to begin. 

 

My Tiny Baby River, 

That’s how Mummy will remember you, 

You were so small but are so loved, 

And forever will be too. 

It’s ok not to be ok. You are loved and you are not alone. 

 

 

Thank you to Kelsey for sharing her poem. If you would like to share your experience of ectopic pregnancy, please visit our guide for more information.                

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