
It took me a long time to process everything that happened on the day I found out I had a ruptured ectopic pregnancy. Even now, I struggle to understand how I went from preparing for my first child, to experiencing such pain and loss. I found out I was pregnant in October 2024.
My husband and I wanted to wait until my first appointment to tell our families and loved ones the happy news. I tried to schedule my first routine check-in, but many offices wouldn’t schedule anything before 9-10 weeks. I was finally able to schedule an appointment at 7 weeks, which looking back was very fortunate given everything that occurred.
I was eating healthier, continuing my exercise routine, listening to podcasts and following all the recommendations for a first trimester pregnancy.
The morning of my first appointment came, and we had our questions and notes prepared. After arriving and waiting for my name to be called, I remember how surreal everything felt. I was about to be a parent, sitting with other soon-to-be parents. I was called back, and the technician told me to use the restroom and to leave a urine sample.
I was so nervous, I dropped the first cup and had to grab a new one. In the patient room, there was a large television displaying images from the ultrasound.
When the technician started, I looked for our baby on the television screen. The technician asked for my phone number so she could send us the images later.
It was a transvaginal ultrasound, and as soon as it started, I knew something was wrong. The technician asked if I had any pain in the left side of my abdomen. At first, I didn’t think so, but I noticed a small, sharp pain, that grew in intensity. I told the technician, but she said it was normal to feel some discomfort. I didn’t want to seem like I couldn’t handle a little discomfort, so I let things continue.
I saw the baby, at least I thought I did, on the television screen. The technician didn’t say a word, and the pain only increased.
There was a blue line on the bottom of the screen, and I wondered if this was supposed to be the heartbeat, or in my case, the absence of one. The technician left, and I couldn’t move.
My husband helped me to dress and walked me to another patient room as I was so dizzy from the pain. I curled over on the bed, fearful of moving.
The doctor came in and told us it was a ruptured ectopic pregnancy on the left Fallopian tube, and I was bleeding internally and would need to be rushed to the emergency room for surgery.
What happened for the remainder of the day felt like a nightmare. Paramedics were called but were taking too long. They tried to get me to make it to our car so we could drive ourselves to the hospital, but I fainted as soon as I tried to walk again.
I woke up on the cold floor of the doctor’s office. The paramedics finally arrived and took me to the hospital. I had so much internal bleeding that I needed a blood transfusion, about 1.5 liters. I was shaking so much from the cold, each time I shook I felt a new wave of pain in my abdomen.
I was rushed into surgery, and I wasn’t sure what the outcome would be or if I would survive. I also thought before going under that I may not be able to have children.
At the time, I was sure I would never want to try again anyways. They removed my left Fallopian tube with a salpingectomy, and I learned I could still fall pregnant with the right Fallopian tube and ovaries intact.
They found there had been previous scar tissue on the left Fallopian tube, but I still don’t understand when or how this could have happened. I keep wanting answers, to solve the puzzle of why this occurred. I’ve been trying to make peace with myself that this was what the doctor’s called a “fluke”, but it’s hard to accept that I will never know why the ectopic pregnancy happened.
I’ve spent the months afterwards mentally and physically recovering, and my husband and I still want to start a family. It’s been a very difficult time, and I wish I could end this story on a happier note. I feel very thankful for the doctor that saved my life, and I could not have gone through this without the support from my husband and loved ones.
But the journey has been hard, and many times I want to stop trying to conceive and settle on a new path for my life.
by Katie Jones-Weinert (she/her)
If I could say one thing… Trust that you did nothing wrong. I struggle to not blame myself for losing the pregnancy, it’s hard to believe this was something that I couldn’t have prevented.
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