In March 2015, I began having unusual spotting and I attended a GP appointment which confirmed I was pregnant, I was shocked as we had been trying to conceive for 2 years. My GP referred to the EPAU (Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit) for a scan due to the spotting.
Later that day, I began bleeding heavily and experienced severe abdominal pain. My husband took me directly to A&E. A pregnancy test was carried out that still showing positive, had examinations on my abdomen and was told to go home and wait to attend my scan, which was scheduled in a couple of days. I was so scared and worried, wondering what was happening. Initially, thinking I was having a miscarriage, I was heartbroken.
I attended the appointment for the scan and was told there was no sign of pregnancy and it was classed as pregnancy in unknown location (PUL). Hearing those words was one of the worst things I’ve ever faced. After attending the hospital every 48 hours for blood tests, it became clear the pregnancy was not able to continue. I had some knowledge of ectopic pregnancy as a friend of mine, whom I worked with, had very recently experienced one. She was an amazing support to me during the most difficult time.
I was around eight weeks pregnant at this time and was given an initial dose of methotrexate. After having further tests, it was necessary to have a second dose as the first one hadn’t been successful. I remember crying all the way home and the only way I could describe to my husband how I was feeling was by saying I felt like I’d caused our baby to die, which is exactly how I felt, even though I didn’t have a choice. I could feel everything happening and it broke me.
I was told to take two weeks off from work and wasn’t allowed to do anything whilst my body healed. I felt so alone even though my family supported me, it was like I was at a standstill whilst the world just carried on. There were days when I just cried and cried thinking about the baby we had lost. It’s been seven years and I still think about it every day. I eventually got to a point where I could think about our loss without bursting in to tears, but the pain is still there.
I was later diagnosed with endometriosis and advised to have IVF as this was the best option for us to conceive. Thankfully we were successful and have a beautiful son, who is now aged five.
Not a day goes by without me thinking about my angel baby who I sadly lost and I often share my story to make other people aware of pregnancy loss.