I am two days post-surgery for my first pregnancy, which turned out to be ectopic.
When we found out we were pregnant, we were so excited – being due to marry in six weeks we planned to tell everyone on our wedding day. We bought cliché cards for our parents and cute “Big Cousin” t-shirts for my nephews.
I had been experiencing pain on my right side for a few days, but convinced myself it was normal early pregnancy cramping or stretching. When I called our local Early Pregnancy Unit, they wanted to see me the next day for a scan and blood tests.
Lying on the hospital bed, I watched the doctor’s face as she said, “There is a mass next to the ovary.” and I knew it was all over.
I had woken up that morning planning for our new “little bug,” but two hours later, I was being told that it was all over.
After being monitored for a couple of days, my hormone levels had doubled. They decided to surgically remove my right Fallopian tube and the ectopic pregnancy.
I had no idea what to expect but am now two days post-surgery and feel awful.
Physically coming home was hard and having my partner inject me for the next 7 days is also hard. I am now bleeding and confused about whether it is my period or not, but the doctor has told me not to worry. My incision sites don’t hurt, but the bloating does. I feel ugly and empty.
I am getting married in 45 days. I don’t feel like celebrating, and that makes me feel selfish. I’m petrified of trying to have another baby, and I don’t know when I’ll be able to be intimate with my partner again.
If I start crying, I don’t think I’ll ever stop.